I shouldn't say that I'm in an excellent mood when all I mean is just the temporary absence of pain and stress. That does not make an excellent mood. In my naivety I call it so. An excellent mood is something completely different. It does not mean a woman who quietly sits behind her computer and feels a sense of relief for however long it lasts. People in excellent moods, seize the world. I certainly don't do that. I have yet to seize the world.
When I woke up for the second time yesterday morning, I was depressed and whatever cheerful mood I claimed to have had earlier was gone. I now put great question marks by these so called cheerful moods I have. They are all of short duration and are apparently very shallow. I think that all they are are temporary absences of stress and pain. It's all momentary forgetfulness.
For a while, when I just started taking the tranquilizers, they helped me forget too, but now they don't seem to work anymore. I don't really notice any effect from them. I'm starting to feel the same amount of stress and depression I felt before. I'm becoming immobilized again.
I'm seeing my psychiatrist first thing in the morning. I'm not very optimistic because I don't know what can be done, but maybe he has an idea. I am, however, very discouraged.