I've managed to sleep about 7 hours and I'm now waking up with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. At least I've had a fairly normal night's sleep and I feel well rested, which does not mean that I will not seek out the sofa later today for a small nap. But that will be after I've taken care of the things I have to do here, such as pay the bills and do the dishes and sweep the floors and dust the furniture, not necessarily in that order. I will do them in my own meticulous way and it will all make sense, though I will pay the bills first, because that weighs the heaviest and is the greatest relief when it is done.
I can't get the show on the road the first thing in the morning. I first need to sit here and gather my thoughts and drink a few cups of coffee and make a slow start. I do that best by writing a post. I get my brain organized that way and in running condition. It's a very selfish way to start the day, because I only have my own objectives in mind. Of course, I write with you in mind and I do want to make sense, but mostly I write for myself and to get myself ready for the day.
I'm still sitting here in my pajamas and Tyke has been to do his business out back for now. I'm not quite ready to take him for a walk. I need more coffee before I do that. I need to be awake more. I'm still yawning and I think I need at least one more cup of coffee. I will make that as soon as I have the wherewithal to get up. These things take a little bit of planning. You can't do them spontaneously. It would upset the fragility of the early morning ritual.
Okay, I've got my cup of coffee now and a new supply of cigarettes. That ought to give me some renewed vigor. If that doesn't work, I don't know what will. I will be forced to go back to bed and start all over again, in which case I will delete this post. I have to stay up, though, because I'm expecting a package this morning with the things I ordered on line the other day.They're supposed to be here between 9 am and 1 pm, which is a long wait and then I have to make sure they don't shove it in the mailbox while I sit here and wait. That's what they did the time before last with my cardigan.
I probably spend an inordinate amount of time talking about clothes on this blog and I don't know how I got that way either. I didn't used too be that way. So very female. I care about clothes very much and I like nice things and I care about the way I look. There was a long time when I was really overweight when I could not do that, when I wore whatever fit me. As I lost the weight, I started caring again about what I wore, as I had before when I became a liberated female. Becoming liberated meant developing my own style in clothing, not bound by anybody else's taste. Not dressing like a wife or a mother. Not thinking about what role I had to play.
I would like to believe that I invent myself now and that I make up my own mind about what I look like within the possibilities that I have. I don't want to be conventional, yet not so absurd that I look odd. I don't want to dress my age, that's for sure, nor does that run in my family. Neither one of my sisters dresses her age, especially not my older sister. My mother was more conventional and dressed like Hyacinth Bucket and had her hair fixed the same way. At least she always looked nice and presentable, although not especially daring. I don't think she quite had the courage for that. I think it is easier for people of my generation to look less conventional. We are not so restricted by rules.
I will look for something nice to wear in a while. I will be something different than I wore yesterday. I don't want to slip into a rut and I easily want to be able to try on the new dresses that I'm expecting today. I hope they fit and that I don't have to lose weight first. If I do, though, it will be a challenge, because they don't come in a bigger size.
I need one more cup of coffee and I'll be totally awake, although I'm on my way now real well. You can probably tell by the way of writing. It's suddenly taken a more upbeat turn after a very slow start. I shall overcome the slow motion of the morning.
I've got to pay bills now. Wish me luck.
Have a good day.