Saturday, December 12, 2009

This evening...

I laid down on the sofa this afternoon and within 5 minutes I was sound asleep. So, I did need to go to sleep after all and I did need that rest and going to the hairdresser had taken it out of me, which is surprising, but I forgot that I'm in a low pressure system and started behaving as though I am not and having normal expectations of myself. I slept until the doorbell rang about two hours later and it was a delivery person with a large package from the United States. It was from my blogging friend Gail At the Farm, who has a habit of suddenly, out of the blue, sending me packages with surprises inside of them.

This time she sent me delicious smelling body lotions, and a book, and an ashtray with a lid on it for in my purse, and magazines about dogs and art, and a body care gift box filled with goodies, and a picture frame in the shape of a flip flop, because she always wears those. A real cornucopia. Of course, I immediately tried one of the body lotions on my hands and as I sit here I can smell them and it is wonderful. Wild orchid it is called and I'm imagining what I will smell like when I have applied it over my whole body. I will fall in love with myself, I think. The book is called Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls and I can't wait to start reading it. Another fine book to add to my collection.

I think it's very sweet when people send me things, especially when I want to send people things myself, but am always too broke to do it, so I never do. One day I will, one day I will make good on it.

Then the time arrived for me to go grocery shopping and I sat down on the sofa and smoked a cigarette to gather courage. After I smoked that one, I tried to get up and grab my purse and go, but I couldn't and sat and had another cigarette instead. I realized that it was going to be hard to go, so I called my sister to ask her to take me to the store in her car instead, but she was not home. Then I got a panic attack and wanted to call a random person and tell them to come and rescue me and go to the store for me. Of course, there was no such person to call and I took a pill instead and sat down on the sofa instead and smoked another cigarette. I decided then, to take the dog and at least walk to the tobacco shop, so that would be done. I could handle that, because I would have the dog with me and it wasn't that far away.

So, I got that done, but wild horses can't drag me to the grocery store and we'll have to live on what's in the refrigerator and the cupboards. I'm too scared to go, I can't do it. I'll have to wait for a day when I'm brave again. Hopefully I will be on Monday, because then I really have to go. There's no escaping it. I feel totally hopeless because of it, but I don't know what to do.

As a result of this, my low pressure system is moving in again and I have to make sure that I mentally prepare myself for it.

I just called my sister and she agreed to take me to the store later tonight.

I hate asking people for favors, because you always get the idea that you're imposing on them and asking them to do something very difficult for you. I would rather solve this problem on my own, but I don't know how. I'm now thinking that it's maybe easier to go to the store under the cover of dark than to wait for my sister to take me.


I walked the dog and when I came back my sister was ready to take me to the store, so that was rather quick. It's wonderful to do your shopping in a car. I brought a laundry basket and my big shopping bag and everything fit in there and was easily carried into the apartment. What a difference from having to do it on your bike. It was nearly a painless operation, except for my sister who slammed a heavy door on her finger at work and it has turned black and blue and is very painful and throbbing and I bet she broke it. I told her she should probably have it splinted, but she thinks it's just bruised. I think she is in too much pain.

At least we have food in the house now for a while and I won't have to worry about it now. I was concerned about making it through the weekend.

My vitamin pills that were custom made for me arrived in the mail today. They fit through the mailbox slot, because they came in three boxes of 30 pills each. I only have to take one pill per day and I put one box with my other medicines so I will remember to take them and remember to order new ones on time. I think this is such a novel idea, to have individually made vitamin pills. I assume I'm going to notice some difference in my constitution somewhere after I've been taking these pills for a while and I'm curious as to what it will be. Maybe I'll have more energy and courage. Do vitamins B and D and iron give you courage?

Well, I'm going to get my pajamas on and have something to eat. Then I'm going to read some blogs, because I'm behind in that. Oh yes, I'm going to look in the mirror at my new hairdo. I almost forgot about that.

Have a good evening. Is it cold there too?



Twain12 said...

I'm glad you got your groceries...cold as heck here in Canada to. I hope you enjoy your new Book, that was very sweet. Nothing like pleasant surprises :)
Have a great weekend!

Gail said...

Remember the cowardly lion to went to the wizard for courage and discovered he had it all the while.

Take heart, you brave lioness! You shall conquer your fears.

Gail said...

Strike the first to and replace with who. My fingers get ahead of my brain sometimes, or vice-versa.

Babaloo said...

You know, if you put on your kick ass boots you'd be well able to do the shopping, I'm sure! ;-)

That parcel sounds brilliant, I love surprises!

Oh, and with adequate iron levels you'll be less tired. And vitamin B deficiency is also associated with exhaustion, and general feelings of tiredness, inability to cope etc. Sound familiar? And without Vit D you can't adequately take in calcium from your food. (BUT, don't forget, vitamin pills are no 100% substitute for vitamins etc from fresh food! Big difference there.) Sorry for rambling on...

Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Nora. What a lovely surprise in the post!

It is really difficult to work out a method for dealing with the shopping. I struggle with it a lot myself as you know. Going out after dark is something that works for me. And wearing clothes that feel protective.

Thank god your sister is there to help you, although I understand about you not wanting to feel you are a burden to her. But the thing to remember is that going round a supermarket for many people is nothing at all. For her it is probably a minor inconvenience - and maybe she even got some shopping in herself at the same time?

I think custom made vitamin pills sound like a good idea - but also a little expensive? If you are depressed or anxious you certainly use up many more B vitamins than the average person so those can only be helpful.

Best wishes,
Bearfriend xx