Friday, March 19, 2010
Two cups of coffee...
I was so exhausted yesterday evening. I sat here behind the computer and almost toppled over from tiredness. I tried to resist it, but ended up going to bed before it was 7 o'clock, I think. It was early, anyway. I had clean sheets on my bed, so it was wonderful to get in it, and I fell asleep almost instantly.
I left the bedroom door open, because I've found out that Tyke pretty much stays there anyway for most of the night and doesn't get into trouble in the rest of the apartment. He's right beside the bed when I wake up. That's good, because I prefer sleeping with the door open. I don't like to be in a room with the door closed.
I've got a bit of claustrophobia that I've learned to live with really well and I do see the need for closed doors. I mean, there are circumstances under which a door needs to be closed, but all the doors in the apartment are open and I even go to the bathroom with the door open so all the animals can go with me.
I woke up very early in the morning and had a glass of milk first for the thirst, but then realized that I really did need that cup of coffee to function well and get the last bit of sleep out of my mind. It did its job and I soon performed up to par, so a cup of coffee does have its uses. Then I took a long time deciding if I was going to have a second cup and finally decided that I would, but this will be my last one, because I'm more than fully awake now.
I remembered to get on the scale this morning and I have lost 3.5 kg since I have been on the new medication. So. if I want to get to the weight that's supposed to be perfect for me and my age, and that is reasonable, I have to lose 14 kg. I think that will happen automatically without me worrying about it. I'm not making any effort now and I'm not obsessed by it. I will remember to get on the scale every now and then and keep track of how I'm doing. I'm not going hungry, but have lost my appetite for food and am easily satisfied. The Nutella is taking care of my craving for something sweet to eat and it's nutritious too.
Drinking fruit juice makes me sad. I've had that suspicion for a while, but now I am sure of it. It seems like a strange theory, but it's true and I'm not going to drink it anymore, because I had clear proof of it yesterday. I drank a glass of it after I hadn't had it for a few days and was sad for a few hours afterwards. I didn't know how to undo it, but wait it out. It finally passed after I had something to eat and took my medicines. People can have an intolerance for food, but I wonder if that can also affect them emotionally. I have a feeling it can. I think wine makes me sad too.
I think it's because I feel so good now most of the time, that I notice it very quickly if I don't and can find the cause and effect quickly too. I think a lot of times emotions are nothing more than the chemical reactions that take place in your body and mind. Shortages and overdoses happen and your feelings are a result of that. Why else do we have alcoholic beverages and foods that are pleasurable and nicotine and drugs? We have pleasure centers in our brains with chemicals that make us feel good. If you have a shortage there, you're not going to feel so good and you'll eat a chocolate bar to feel better, or have a drink, or sniff cocaine or any number of things. In my case, some of those things make me feel bad. They have an adverse effect.
This morning, very early, I heard all the birds sing as they woke up. I could hear them clearly, because all the windows are open at the top and that really does make a difference. It's a shame that their chirping doesn't last longer, because it's so cheerful and I would love to live in a wood and hear all the birds wake up. I can't identify any bird by sound, except the mockingbird, and he doesn't live in this country. We used to have one in our front garden in Costa Mesa and I always liked listening to him.
I've taken my medicines a while ago and high time it was too, though I may be reacting to that second cup of coffee. Maybe I shouldn't have had it, not being used to so much caffeine now. It makes you jittery. It's much better to just stick to the one cup. These are lessons you learn as you go along. You realize what sort of junk you put in your body and how unnecessary that is. More is not better. If one cup works well, than two cups don't work better.
It's cloudy and 12C outside. It's only going to be 13C today, not as nice as yesterday, but still in the double digits. We must remain optimistic and I have the windows open and the heater turned off after all. Oh, I just looked at the 10 day forecast and it doesn't look very good at all. I will be closing the windows again and turning on the heater. Darn, that's a shame. March is not very willing. We'll have to wait until April for the good weather.
I'm going to take Tyke for a walk. He doesn't know that yet and is sound asleep here by my feet. He's already had his breakfast and is now digesting it.
Have a great day!