Tuesday, March 09, 2010


I've made an upper management decision all on my own, after much deliberation over a 24 hour period of time and I am pleased with the result I have come up with. It is possible that not everybody involved is going to be equally pleased when they are going to be faced with it, without having been consulted and only being able to put their two cents worth in after the fact, but being the upper management I felt that I had to make an executive move and do something very drastic right now this minute. I'm talking about saving my sanity.

As I said in my earlier post, it is pretty obvious that the mega dose of antidepressants, and the second antidepressant that I'm taking along with it, aren't doing their job and probably never really have and that is why the dosage kept being increased, until it was passed the maximum amount allowable, and that is probably why I have kept suffering from depressions and anxieties and fears all along with regular intervals all this time.

That finally dawned on me yesterday, when I was in such bad shape and thought there must be a better way to live. There must be a better quality to my life. I went to my medicine drawer and looked through it to see what was there and found the box of antidepressants that I had taken for a while and that had helped me very much and had made me feel very good, but that for one reason ofr the other I had stopped taking. I knew that one of the immediate side effects of this medicine was that it took away your anxiety almost immediately, so I decided to take a pill and some time after I took it, my anxiety did indeed drop away and a great feeling of peace fell over me and I was as calm as the sea on a windless day.

This morning, when I got up, and the anxiety reared it's ugly head again, I took another pill and soon I was calm again and stayed that way until about 6 pm when it had worn off. All day long I had been thinking about what to do and I realized that the desicion should be to stop with the other worthless antidepressants and continue with the one that was working so well. I was undecided about what to do. Should I take another pill or wait to speak to my psychiatrist? I was feeling so lousy, though, that I made up my mind and decided not to take the the old antidepressants and to go ahead and take the new one that was working. I could not continue with all of them. I had to choose.

Instead of taking two kinds of antidepresants, and one of them at a mega dose, I am taking one antidepressant at a normal dose. I think that is quite an improvement. It's a much more realistic thing to do.

I don't know if I will have withdrawal signs. My psychiatrist will be able to tell me about that. It's a bridge that may need to be crossed. I do know that I feel very much better now and that I think I will improve tremendously the longer I am on this new medication. It does have to build up in your system after all.

I hope that my own personal experience as a patient puts something into the weight of my psychiatrist's willingness to go along with me, and although I don't have all the information, I do have my points of view and my willingness to try and give it my best shot. I hope I can persuade him. I can be pretty stubborn if I have to be.

So that is my executive plan, my upper mangement decision. I treasure my box of pills as if they are worth their weight in gold. There were a 120 in the box and now there are only about 12 left. I felt so much better today, though. I could think straight and make a plan and make a decison, however rash it may seem. It is a good plan and it will work out. I have faith.

That's about all I had to tell you about that. I know I will get all sorts of reactions to this warning me to be careful. I will be, people, I will be.



Bernie said...

So glad you had a better day today. Good Luck with your medications, I am not at all qualified to advise you on that one, hope you speak to your doctor about it though.
Still having a rough time over my friend's death....her memorial is on Saturday as they had to wait for a brother to be able to get here......still hard to believe.
Hope Tyke is well.......:-) Hugs

Twain12 said...

i'm in no position to give you any grief over the meds...i think you know what works and helps.Hope you have a good appointment tomorrow !

Maggie May said...

I think that seems to make sense. However, check it out with the medics.
Have a good appointment tomorrow. Maggie X

Nuts in May

Wisewebwoman said...

Medical advice is the best due to withdrawal potential, etc.
Good luck with your appointment.

Gail said...

Good days are treasures to be enjoyed.

Connie Rose said...

What's the med that's working so well for you -- I'm curious. Glad you're feeling so much better!

Anonymous said...

I'm no expert, but it seems a sensible thing that you're doing. If a med doesn't work (and you are most definitely the person who would be the best judge of that), then stop using it and find one that does. Sounds pretty simple to me. It'll be interesting to hear what your doctors think of your plan, though! Good luck at your appointment!

laurie said...

why were you switched from the old one to the new?

i agree that whatever works is what you should do. but just make sure the doctors know what you're doing... in case there are reactions you're not prepared for.

good luck!!!! you are admirably proactive.

MA Fat Woman said...

I hope they continue to work for you.

jeannette stgermain said...

Ugh, I lost my comment to you (I think). Sorry I haven't visited for a while -so busy with painting. How are you dong with art these days?
Hope that your doc finds whatever meds are best for you! He probably will tell you why he changed to the ones you have now- LOL! Takc care!

Kate Morris said...

That is such a beautiful photograph above your blog. Did you take it? Good luck with your decision. It sounds like the right one.

aims said...

We know our bodies and minds better than the doctors do.

I admire you for thinking this through so thoroughly and making a decision.

I will await the outcome with you. There might not be any withdrawals - who knows?