Tuesday, March 09, 2010
I've made an upper management decision all on my own, after much deliberation over a 24 hour period of time and I am pleased with the result I have come up with. It is possible that not everybody involved is going to be equally pleased when they are going to be faced with it, without having been consulted and only being able to put their two cents worth in after the fact, but being the upper management I felt that I had to make an executive move and do something very drastic right now this minute. I'm talking about saving my sanity.
As I said in my earlier post, it is pretty obvious that the mega dose of antidepressants, and the second antidepressant that I'm taking along with it, aren't doing their job and probably never really have and that is why the dosage kept being increased, until it was passed the maximum amount allowable, and that is probably why I have kept suffering from depressions and anxieties and fears all along with regular intervals all this time.
That finally dawned on me yesterday, when I was in such bad shape and thought there must be a better way to live. There must be a better quality to my life. I went to my medicine drawer and looked through it to see what was there and found the box of antidepressants that I had taken for a while and that had helped me very much and had made me feel very good, but that for one reason ofr the other I had stopped taking. I knew that one of the immediate side effects of this medicine was that it took away your anxiety almost immediately, so I decided to take a pill and some time after I took it, my anxiety did indeed drop away and a great feeling of peace fell over me and I was as calm as the sea on a windless day.
This morning, when I got up, and the anxiety reared it's ugly head again, I took another pill and soon I was calm again and stayed that way until about 6 pm when it had worn off. All day long I had been thinking about what to do and I realized that the desicion should be to stop with the other worthless antidepressants and continue with the one that was working so well. I was undecided about what to do. Should I take another pill or wait to speak to my psychiatrist? I was feeling so lousy, though, that I made up my mind and decided not to take the the old antidepressants and to go ahead and take the new one that was working. I could not continue with all of them. I had to choose.
Instead of taking two kinds of antidepresants, and one of them at a mega dose, I am taking one antidepressant at a normal dose. I think that is quite an improvement. It's a much more realistic thing to do.
I don't know if I will have withdrawal signs. My psychiatrist will be able to tell me about that. It's a bridge that may need to be crossed. I do know that I feel very much better now and that I think I will improve tremendously the longer I am on this new medication. It does have to build up in your system after all.
I hope that my own personal experience as a patient puts something into the weight of my psychiatrist's willingness to go along with me, and although I don't have all the information, I do have my points of view and my willingness to try and give it my best shot. I hope I can persuade him. I can be pretty stubborn if I have to be.
So that is my executive plan, my upper mangement decision. I treasure my box of pills as if they are worth their weight in gold. There were a 120 in the box and now there are only about 12 left. I felt so much better today, though. I could think straight and make a plan and make a decison, however rash it may seem. It is a good plan and it will work out. I have faith.
That's about all I had to tell you about that. I know I will get all sorts of reactions to this warning me to be careful. I will be, people, I will be.