Another post to let my words out.

The domestic help was here this afternoon. She was a real nice young woman. Unfortunately, she is not going to be my steady help and I don't know who that is going to be yet. I may have several different people here before that is decided. It's a real shame, because I liked the one I had today and got on well with her. She cleaned my whole kitchen from top to bottom. I dusted the living room really well, including the lamps and the picture frames. She vacuumed and mopped the apartment and I cleaned the bathroom sink and the toilet.

I didn't do a fraction of the work she did, but I was so tired that I spaced out and had to sit by the dining table and recuperate. She was a hard worker and didn't take a break. She left me a daily list of little jobs to do, so that when the domestic help gets here, she can concentrate on the big jobs, such as washing the windows and mopping the floors and cleaning the shower basin and all those fun things. I have to do things such as vacuum once a week and sweep the floors and keep the toilet clean and change my bed, beside the laundry and the dishes and the usual things that come with the household, such as dusting which always needs to get done.

Lord, you should have seen the dust I got off those lamps. It was plain scandalous. I don't know why I never did that before. Or clean the light switch covers. I was lucky in that I didn't suffer any embarrassment. I figured she had seen worse and I was a needy case. It was good to have someone in who said to me, "Now you go and do that." To celebrate, I will clean the utensil drawer tomorrow and throw away obsolete items that are sitting on the kitchen shelves that were cleaned today. Does anyone want a toaster? I really don't have room for it and it is in the way of everything. These European kitchens are so little.

My sister and I went grocery shopping shortly after 8 o'clock this morning and we were done quickly, because it was very uncrowded in the store. That time of the day really is the best time to shop. I bought huge amounts of milk and a big jar of Nutella and good things for the dog and Fish Menu for the cats and I threw away their old bowls and gave them a new ceramic bowl to eat from. They can dine in style.

We also stopped by the tobacconist, without to much complaining from my sister, and I got my supply of tobacco. It is very frowned upon that I smoke and I told my sister that my psychiatrist had said to me to please not stop smoking. It is like medicine to me and I would get into deep doodoo if I tried to quit now. It would be different if I were an alcoholic, I'm sure. I would be incoherent then.

I was walking Tyke this evening and suddenly a wind started to blow hard and very threatening, dark clouds raced across the sky, and I thought, 'Oh boy, it´s really going to rain hard now, I better get home and bring the laundry in,' but then nothing happened at all. It was all a false alarm and not a drop of rain fell out of the sky and this while they had been predicting a light rain all day that had never materialized. They never get it right for our little part of the country. I´m glad because the laundry is still hanging outside and I do want it to get dry there, because they are bed linens and I want to make my bed with them and have it smell good.

I changed my email addresses, because it turned out that the old addresses were still in the Exfactor´s name and I had been warned that one day, when the company went through all the obsolete accounts, they would be removed. So now I have two email addresses under my own name. One incognito and one real one. I´ve also simplified the username and the password with the help of the excellent people at the helpdesk. You just need to talk to the technicians and you are in good hands. Nobody else there knows what they are doing, but these guys do. They are the best.

I now spend half of my life being Nora Ibsen and I´m seriously considering changing my name to it, although they are rather strict in the Netherlands about that. You can´t just up and decide that that´s who you are going to be now. A judge has to rule over it and the queen has to sign the final papers. I can´t change my name until after my daughter has gotten her Dutch passport, which should happen this year and she will have all the rights of a Dutch citizen. She´s so excited about it and so am I. Her son has a German passport, so he is already a European.

Every once in a while I have a tiny little fall in a pothole moment. It lasts just a minute, but for that minute I feel like shit, and then it´s over and I´m fine again. It´s hardly worth mentioning, but an interesting phenomenon. It reminds me that I can´t take anything for granted, although I´ve had a good day.

I do easily get tired, though, and I realize that I have to build up my mental stamina slowly again. Doing physical jobs is not physically so much tiring as it is mentally, because they have a tendency to defeat me. It´s the endless futility of them that bothers me so, although I guess if you really get it cleaned up well, it does stay that way for a while, and if you keep on top of it, it doesn´t get out of hand and become a huge chore for you to tackle. You know, I used to do these things so easily when I was younger and happier.

I´m planning on being happier again, though. It´s definitely a short term goal and I feel it is within easy reach. I just have to have a lot of faith. I hope that by being proactive I can make a change in my life. I have to believe in that process.

I hope you all have a great night.

Ciao,
Nora