Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Testing...one, two, three...
I delete every post I start writing after about one or two paragraphs, sometimes more. I feel that I don't have a thing worthwhile telling you and that anything I do write down is just the same old sh*t I've written about a hundred times. I don't know why that is just dawning on me these past 24 hours. Why I never had that thought before. I must have been delusioned all this time and so convinced of my talent as a writer that I really thought I was saying profound things.
Tyke is doing much better today. He has stopped being sick to his stomach and has even eaten a little. His eye looks very good and it's not bleeding. That's what the collar is for, to keep him from pawing at his eye, but he figured out that he can scratch it with his hind paw. Luckily, he hasn't opened the wound and I'm keeping the collar on him until tomorrow. That's what the vet said to do. Tyke doesn't like the collar and gets frustrated by it. Well, he's basically walking around with a cone around his head. He can't play with Gandhi and he gets stuck between furniture, although he is figuring out how to work his way around it. He's a pretty adaptable, really, and inventive. He figured out how to eat from his bowl with that thing on his head, which was just a bit tricky, and he knows how to pick things up from the ground, although his nose is almost too short for the cone.
I'm okay. I just have to avoid doing anything that causes stress, so that includes a lot of things. I'm keeping it as simple as possible today. Writing this post and answering emails are the most complicated things I will be doing today, and keeping my thoughts as simple as possible. I have to keep my brain organized.
Of course, keeping my thoughts simple is not that easy, but right now I'm trying to think about my medication and how to best deal with reducing it, because I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. I think I have come up with a plan, now that I've pondered over it for a good while, and I really want to discuss it with him. I think it's a good plan and I find it hard to wait until tomorrow, but I will have to. I think I will be feeling much better soon.
The sun has been shining all day, but it is only 2C outside and tonight it will be -5C, so it's quite chilly. It doesn't seem like it wants to be springtime yet. I did see a flock of geese flying north the other day. They must have been the optimists.
This post is taking me hours to write. I'm constantly distracted by my own thoughts and wander down a different path. I'm not worrying, I'm just thinking. You'd think by now somebody should have wondered why I have been depressed for months on end while I'm taking a mega dose of antidepressants. Make's you wonder, doesn't it? Maybe they aren't working at all. Depression, anxiety, stress, those are all the things the antidepressants are supposed to take away. Yet they haven't.