Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Testing...one, two, three...

I delete every post I start writing after about one or two paragraphs, sometimes more. I feel that I don't have a thing worthwhile telling you and that anything I do write down is just the same old sh*t I've written about a hundred times. I don't know why that is just dawning on me these past 24 hours. Why I never had that thought before. I must have been delusioned all this time and so convinced of my talent as a writer that I really thought I was saying profound things.

Tyke is doing much better today. He has stopped being sick to his stomach and has even eaten a little. His eye looks very good and it's not bleeding. That's what the collar is for, to keep him from pawing at his eye, but he figured out that he can scratch it with his hind paw. Luckily, he hasn't opened the wound and I'm keeping the collar on him until tomorrow. That's what the vet said to do. Tyke doesn't like the collar and gets frustrated by it. Well, he's basically walking around with a cone around his head. He can't play with Gandhi and he gets stuck between furniture, although he is figuring out how to work his way around it. He's a pretty adaptable, really, and inventive. He figured out how to eat from his bowl with that thing on his head, which was just a bit tricky, and he knows how to pick things up from the ground, although his nose is almost too short for the cone.

I'm okay. I just have to avoid doing anything that causes stress, so that includes a lot of things. I'm keeping it as simple as possible today. Writing this post and answering emails are the most complicated things I will be doing today, and keeping my thoughts as simple as possible. I have to keep my brain organized.

Of course, keeping my thoughts simple is not that easy, but right now I'm trying to think about my medication and how to best deal with reducing it, because I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. I think I have come up with a plan, now that I've pondered over it for a good while, and I really want to discuss it with him. I think it's a good plan and I find it hard to wait until tomorrow, but I will have to. I think I will be feeling much better soon.

The sun has been shining all day, but it is only 2C outside and tonight it will be -5C, so it's quite chilly. It doesn't seem like it wants to be springtime yet. I did see a flock of geese flying north the other day. They must have been the optimists.

This post is taking me hours to write. I'm constantly distracted by my own thoughts and wander down a different path. I'm not worrying, I'm just thinking. You'd think by now somebody should have wondered why I have been depressed for months on end while I'm taking a mega dose of antidepressants. Make's you wonder, doesn't it? Maybe they aren't working at all. Depression, anxiety, stress, those are all the things the antidepressants are supposed to take away. Yet they haven't.



Twain12 said...

it has been a stressful few days here to :(. Weather is the same than your neck of the woods, sunny but cold. I'm glad Tyke is feeling better and never worry about your writing, i don't find it boring at all and can relate to a lot of it. I just wish i could express myself as well as you do. Good luck with your appointment tomorrow ♥

Maggie May said...

Your posts are easy to read....... like a journal. I have become accustomed to reading your thoughts and I keep coming back........ don't I? That must say something. Hope tomorrow goes well.

Lovely sunshine but bitter weather.

Nuts in May

Maureen said...

I too love your writing; although I must admit I read everyone's blogs in spurts and stops lately. I get sidetracked too and then worry I am not posting enough. So now I shall catch up on what I have missed this past week. Take care.

Nedine Says said...

I find that very few people really have anything profound to say. But a lot of people have the need to connect with other people that might be going through similar trials and tribulations. it is comforting on a certain level to be able to share your thoughts however mundane you might think they are. We all need to be heard and I think you should definitely keep on with your writing.