Wednesday, March 03, 2010
On top of the world...
I'm having a very sleepy day. Each time I get up and think I'm done sleeping, it turns out I'm wrong and I have to go back to the sofa and sleep a few more hours and that is how I've been passing the time today. No cup of coffee has helped me get over it yet and I don't want to drink too much coffee, so I've switched to drinking cold milk. Tyke has been very accommodating and only wrecked the plant on the coffee table while I was asleep. That's the most damage he's done in all those hours and I couldn't even get mad about it. It wasn't his fault that he was left unsupervised and bored to tears.
I'm trying to pull myself together now, but I'm still sitting here in my pajamas and bathrobe and I don't know when I'll get dressed or if I'll get dressed. If I hadn't just been sick, I'd say I was getting sick, but I know I'm not. It's purely psychological, this tiredness. Maybe it is in reaction to the excitement I've been feeling at the prospect of me quitting my medication and that playing such a large role in my life these past few days. The thought has consumed me.
I'm also looking a lot at my feelings and emotions and behavior and deciding what is within the range of 'normal' and what could be labeled as pathological, or what could actually be a side effect of all the drugs I take. I've decided that a lot of it is 'normal' and that I'm not as far off course as I think I am. Certain feelings disappear quickly if I don't put a label on them. Like snow for the sun. It's the labeling that makes them important and pathological. It makes me look crazier than I am. It's something that I can change right now this minute.
The drugs I take have so many side effects that it's not even funny. If you read about the side effects, you would think long and hard before taking them, and taking them in combination with each other too. It's really no wonder that I have such altering moods during the day and that I have anxiety attacks and that I'm so tired so often and that I basically lack a personality.
Well, that's enough about that for now. It does rile me up.
The sun has been shining all day as far as I know. There's a bright blue sky and it's 5C. It's warm inside the living room because the sun shines right into the windows, which is nice in the wintertime, but not so nice in the summertime when it's hot. Oh look, I'm complaining about the summertime and it's not even spring yet.
I'm going to get dressed and walk the dog. The poor animal does have to go out once in a while.
Have a happy day.