Thursday, March 18, 2010
I had written a post earlier this morning that I decided was so boring that I deleted it and I want to start all over again. It is possible that I don't have it in my fingers today to write a good post, but we will see. I will give it my best shot and see what I can make of it. I may not be quite as funny as I normally am. Maybe I am more serious today than I am on other days. If so, it is because I didn't get enough sleep. I didn't go to sleep until the middle of the night, diistracted as I was by things to do on the computer and there are always so many of them.
The fact that I have a new computer doesn't help things either, because it makes me think that I can do everything better than I used to, so I want to try that out. I like my email program, so I'm constantly checking for emails, or writing them, and I find that very satisfactory. Looking for interesting blogs is an other favorite activity, as if I don't read enough already and keeping up with them is a full time job, but I gladly put in the time.
Leaving comments is a tricky business, because at some blogs that I read I never leave any, feeling as if I'm an interloper there who really has no business being there and the other comments seem so good that I can't think of anything equally good to say. I should have a little more confidence in myself. I'm sure I don't come across as the shy and retiring type.
More than anything I like writing posts, because I like the business of writing. It doesn't matter so much to me what I write about as long as I do it as good as possible. I always have doubts about spelling and grammar, not having been formally educated in them in this language, but I think I fake it pretty well. I know I'm confused about expressions sometimes and use Dutch ones in English, because I'm not sure of which language they belong to. I'm trapped between the two and thinking in both of them.
I could write posts all day long and maybe never run out of things to say, while in real life I'm not much of a talker, depending on who I'm with. I feel handicapped in my speech, as if saying something out loud is harder than writing it down. Of course, I have to speak in Dutch and I still manage to make a mess of it and want to use many English words. It happens in a discussion that I don't remember the Dutch words for things and use the English ones, so I end up speaking Dutchlish. I also happens that when I'm trying to write down a concept in a post, I have to think it through in Dutch first and translate it into English before I can put it down in complete sentences.
I'm glad I have a domestic help now, because I'm going to have her wash the windows next Monday. They are so dirty, I should be ashamed of myself, but I'm not. Dutch housewives have clean windows, but I don't consider myself one. You see them in the middle of winter, out with a bucket of suds and a stepladder, cleaning their windows in their plain clothes without a jacket on and I think they are mad. They also scrub the entrance way and the stoop and the front door in freezing temperatures. I'm not that dedicated. So the domestic help can clean the windows. I brought that up, because the sun is shining on them now and I can see all the dirt. I fills me with anxiety and I won't let it. I'm for an anxiety free life.
The Exfactor was here this afternoon and put the door back on in the spare bedroom. It was always a bit of a mystery to me why he had taken it off, except that it seemed to be in the way to him. It had been stored in the shed all this time and of course it is rather dirty, so I have to clean it with a lot of elbow grease. I keep it ajar, so the cats can go in and out through the cat flap that's in the back door there, but at least it takes the view away of all those unsightly boxes that are sitting there and the eternal dust and debris that the cats drag in.
We only had a short political discussion, more for the form than anything else and I let him do most of the talking, which he does easily. Sometimes it helps to be the more silent one. Tyke entertained us with his follies and that took up some time. Thank goodness for a funny dog.
I have to do some chores now, duty does call me. It has a nagging little voice that can not be ignored.
Have a great day. It is 18C here, isn't that a miracle?