Sunday, March 21, 2010

More than I was aiming for...

My post to entertain you all last night, turned somewhat introspective, no doubt because of the late hour and the intimate and cozy setting it was written in. Besides, when a person is only talking to herself without immediate feedback, it does give you a tendency to get deeper into a subject than might have been your intention and you have to call yourself back from those places that get too refelctive and do some editing once in a while. That means deleting large portions of self indulgant drivel.

Introspection is good, as long as I stay on this side of the line of reality. It's not good to see myself as a goodly earth mother, with ancient Saxon roots, who is connected to nature and all that lives in it and who lives in a hut in a meadow and brews potions to make all your ailments disappear, though it is a lovely thought. I need to be the real me in the real world and not fantasize lyrical about willow trees and cows in the meadow by the stream.

I've had that period in my life and was completely disconnected from reality, insulated from it, although I also think back on it with some amount of pleasure, but I can weep for the fog caught in the twisted oak trees and the moss on the forest floor and the deer that walked there through the dead leaves. There are bits of scar tissue in my heart from that.

Right, and now for something completely different. I am drinking more coffee again. Not as much as I was before, but more than the three cups I was drinking lately. I am now drinking about six cups a day and most of it in the morning. I don't know where this sudden desire came from, although it may have something to do with the fact that I cleaned the Senseo machine and the coffee tastes better now. I was drinking a bitter cup before that took the pleasure out of it. I'm also sleeping less and in more need of a pick me up in the morning and I do notice the difference. So, more coffee it is. Whether or not it is good for me. Experience will tell.

I guess you always have periods in your life when you are more sensible about yourself and when you are not. Last night I didn't get to sleep on time and I woke up relatively early this morning. I know I won't take a nap all day, because I've sworn those off and that leaves me no other choice but to go to bed on time tonight. I don't know how that affects the reality of my day, or better, how I experience it. I know it has a tendency to make me lazy and to not want to do anything that requires physical effort, although that's probably just the thing I should do. That would put a different slant on my day and my attitude. I can't always be living in my head and monitoring my emotions. Sometimes I have to step out of it and experience something else.

I slept on my elbow wrong and I can't bend my arm without having pain in my hand. Usually it disappears after I've been up for a while, but now it's hanging on stubbornly. That poor nerve must really be pinched. I wish I knew what to do about it, but I know of no exercise that can help it. I want to take something for the pain, but I don't know how that affects my other medicines, so I'm afraid to do it. I'm so happy when I feel good, that I'm afraid to add another pill to the mixture to upset the balance. Already I can't take the vitamin and mineral capsule, because it completely interferes with the working of my other medicines.

I have to go and do some household chores now. Tomorrow the domestic help comes and I have to have these things done before she gets here. That means I have to shut the computer off. By the way, I didn't even finish my third cup of coffee. I had enough of it.

Have a good day.



Twain12 said...

i hope your arm feels better .As women i think we all have some earth mother in us.I'm sitting here lazy with my coffee and laptop and procrastinating. I guess i have to rouse myself soon and take the dogs for a romp out back. I hope you have a nice Sunday !!

Gail said...

Sometimes you just have to enjoy the moment.

Maggie May said...

Its awful when you sleep on your arm like that. I do it all the time.
Awful that you feel you have to clean up before the domestic comes round. Isn't that defeating the object?
Hope you are experiencing the lovely weather that we have. sunshine.......
Maggie X

Nuts in May

aims said...

- but I can weep for the fog caught in the twisted oak trees and the moss on the forest floor and the deer that walked there through the dead leaves. There are bits of scar tissue in my heart from that.-

Oh how I loved this and could associate with it completely. Your words are so beautiful and I was there.

I want to write it down and keep it somewhere - can I?

Babaloo said...

I just to smile at you cleaning because your help comes tomorrow. :D

I've also started having a 2nd or 3rd cup of coffee now. I have one in the morning and now I also need one in the afternoon because I get so tired then but can't go for a nap - what would I do with the little fella then?! So yes, sometimes you're more sensible and sometimes less. xxx

Bernie said...

I have been told so many times that I cannot mother the earth, I am always trying to.

I had to smile about you cleaning before your domestic help arrives, I do this quite often as well. Maggie is right we do defeat the object of having someone to come in to clean.

Hope you sleep well tonight...Hugs

Maureen said...

Ah that is so me; I fear I would never have a cleaning service, for I would be in a tizzy trying to clean before they came!

Hope your arm is better... thank you for the sweet compliment on my cards. Glad to be catching up on all my favorite blogs again.

Frances said...

funny how we get out of habits - I find coffee-drinking goes in cycles, sometimes I drink a lot - probably too much. But when I haven't been drinking so much I feel sick if I get too much caffeine... Our resistance builds up I suppose - as with nicotine and alcohol.
Sorry to hear about the arm. Lying on it not such a good idea if you have a trapped nerve. My hubby had to wear a strange cover on his to stop him lying on it - until his operation.

Twain12 said...

hope your hand feels better today