Settling down for the evening.

I'm going to type this very slowly, because I need to take a big breather after my intensive afternoon. I want everything in me to slow down and get calm and quiet and serene. I'm finding my center of gravity now and concentrating on that .

I saw my therapist and my psychiatrist both this afternoon and the first thing my psychiatrist did was warn me of the risk I was taking by doing what I had done: suddenly stopping with two kinds of antidepressants and starting with a new one. He said something like that was normally only done at a clinic under strict supervision. Especially since I was taking such a very high dose of one of them. He was very serious about that and really wanted to get through to me that you don't do things like that on your own.

Then, since I had already done it, he wanted to do as much damage control as was possible so I would not run into trouble down the line. He agreed to write me the prescription for the Welbutrin and told me it is a completely different kind of antidepressant than what I had been taking, This one works on the dopamine in your brain. It's in a class of its own. The normal starting dose is one tablet, but he agreed to start me on two tablets since I told him that's what I needed in order to feel good 24 hours a day. He did warn me that I may get manic from it and that I need to pay close attention to any symptoms signaling that.

Now, because what I did was actually so very risky, he made me go back on a small dose of the original antidepressant, so I won't crash and burn in two weeks time. It's just a temporary measure. He also increased my tranquilizers back to two tablets 4 times a day and he increased my antipsychotics again. These are just measures to make sure I don't go off the deep end and can be reversed when we are sure that everything is going smoothly and there is no danger of me getting into trouble.He is actually for less medication, but is doing this for my own protection.

I am to call him the minute I think anything is not going right and I have an appointment with him in two weeks. I would say he is very thorough. He does not make these decisions lightly. He thinks about them long and hard and all three of us discussed them out loud. He did not dictate, we conversed and thought of the best things to do and I had to agree to them. It wasn't a one man show.

So all in all the conversation went well and different than I had expected. I learned a lot today and realized how much they know about me and how I function and about medication. I thought that I would have to put up a fight, but instead I had to learn that what I did was not so smart and that these things need to be planned differently. But I also gained the opportunity to try what I set out to do and that is to find an antidepressant that works and does not make me a zombie. I'm trying to regain my personality and I think I'm on the way of doing that.

When I came home, the dog was beside himself with joy to see me. He thought I had abandoned him forever. I thought he might have made a mess somewhere while I was gone, but everything looked good, so he hadn't. I have to take him for a walk in a while out in the cold. Brrr! Anything for love.

I'm yawning something awful, but it is too early to go to bed. I have to last a little while longer. I'm waiting for my second wind. I think I will have a cup of coffee, my last one for the evening. I have been drinking cold milk, because I was so thirsty after walking al that way to the offices of my psychiatrist and my therapist. Oh, I bought a bag of candy on the way home, Just a little one. Now, I never do a thing like that, but it looked appealing and I needed some sugar. I got it at the pharmacy. So, I'll have some of those.

Okay, that was my report about my important meeting. I'll be sure to keep you up to date as to my progress. I'll let you know if anything 'funny' happens. Let me know when I start not making sense anymore, okay?

Ciao,
Irene