Friday, March 19, 2010
Buddha himself couldn't have felt more at peace with the world than I do now and feel such inner happiness. Okay, I'm exaggerating. I'm sure I haven't quite reached those spiritual heights, but I do feel good. I'm quite contended with myself and the world I live in and there's not very much I could complain about right now and if I did, I'd be a fool. I realize that this is a mood and that like all moods it has a beginning and an ending, but I'm going to enjoy it as long as it lasts. I don't want anyone coming along and messing with it.
My SPN and I went to the meeting with my contact person at Social Services today and the thumb screws weren't put on me to get me out there and get to work as quickly as possible, as a matter of fact, I'm now released from renewing my status as a work seeker every three months in order to keep my right to my monthly allowance. That means that nobody can force me to take a job or make me look for one, nor do I have to do any volunteer work. I'm completely released from that pressure. All I have to do is follow my therapy with my SPN, take my medication, see my psychiatrist and get better.
It was a good thing that my SPN was with me, because it gave a lot of clarity by her asking all the right questions and providing background information. I was overwhelmed by the conversation and had to digest it all when we left there, and then acted silly in the car to get rid of the tension. My SPN is so absolutely cool.
That's why I am in such an excellent mood, because I feel like the weight of the world has fallen off my shoulders and I can breathe freely again. A lot of my anxiety is gone. I'd been struggling with that portion of my life for a long time. I felt so very much beholden to the system.
Well, I'm sure I'll find something else to feel anxious about. It is after all in the nature of the beast, but it will not be continually, it will only be sometimes. That's another thing I'm learning. Feelings are temporary conditions, they come and go. You don't get stuck in them. They are very fleeting, and another thing I'm learning is that you always return to your center of gravity where there is rest and peace. You don't have to be all over the place, going from one emotion to another. Sometimes there is just wellbeing. A lot of times, maybe.
I've just had my third and last cup of coffee for today . It tasted very nice and was worth the long wait, but I must say that I did not crave it all day long. There was no great longing for caffeine. This new medication seems to take care of all sorts of cravings. It's a very soothing medicine. It makes you feel very calm. I've never had that happen with a medicine before.
I've got to go walk Tyke before it's completely dark outside.
Have a happy evening!