Friday, March 05, 2010

See what I do...


I just got news that my favorite aunt has died at the age of 64, quite unexpectedly in her sleep last night. I am trying to let this news sink in, but somehow it seems very unreal and I think I am not at all comprehending it and that it will take some time to become reality to me. I've called both my sisters to let them know and they were equally incredulous. I will slowly let it dawn on me that this has really happened and deal with it, though it has come as a shock to me and I can't believe it. I think about her husband and what a hell of a hard time he must be having right now.

They were in the process of moving to a new apartment and were just hanging up the light fixtures and my aunt had just written the change of address cards. There's great irony in this and I wonder why her death came now, at this particular time of all things? Why was she not supposed to live in her new place? Why does my uncle have to go there on his own now? I believe in fate and that things happen for a reason and there must be a reason for this. What is she being spared off? She was very unhappy of late and I think she was depressed, though she tried not to be and kept trying to put on a sunny face, though the signs were everywhere. We talked a lot about that, because she knew I understood her feelings. We were very close.

I had planned today as a mental health day and that is what it certainly is going to be now. I was going to do only pleasurable things for me and Tyke and not worry about anything. Now I will do that, but also spend it in some quiet contemplation and reflect on life and death and the spirit of life that continues to exist after death and goes I don't know where, but some place where they all gather. Death is only sad for the people who stay behind. For the bereft. We have to do without the object of our love and are left with an empty space that we have to fill with something else.

On a different note. I have managed to cut down my antipsychotics from 6 mg to 4 mg, and my tranquilizers from 80 mg to 60 mg. There are no adverse effects. I feel fine. I was not expecting any problems and I'm not having any problems. Maybe that's the secret.

I'm going to write a card of condolences now and put it in the mail while I walk Tyke. I hope I find the right words.

Ciao,
Nora

10 comments:

VioletSky said...

Oh, Nora, I am so sorry for your loss.
Were they living nearby? Will you be able to visit with her husband and attend the funeral?

...and I am so glad you not experiencing any problems - take it all slow and easy, that will help.

The Good Cook said...

I am so sorry that your favorite Aunt passed from you so early in life. If it can be of any solace, dying in one's sleep seems to be such a peaceful way to exit. No suffering, no long drawn out medical intervention.

Take care of yourself. Grieve a little. Remember her well. Her spirit lives on!

ps. my word validation is GRACE. How true!

Gail said...

I am sorry for this loss.

Remember to take time to grieve and to celebrate her life.

FlowerLady said...

Nora ~ I'm sorry for the loss of your favorite aunt. I feel for your uncle too. Our dear Aunt lost our dear Uncle about 5 years ago and she is lost without him. Life goes on, but there is a void where that loved one was in our lives. ~ Glad you are feeling good after cutting back on your meds. Have a good Friday and a great weekend.

Hugs ~ FlowerLady

Twain12 said...

My deepest condolences, I'm so sorry.So sad for all the people left behind. I'm sending you my love!

Maggie May said...

Really sorry about your aunt. Life is a bummer at times.
Hope this won't hinder your progress.

Nuts in May

Bernie said...

Oh Nora I am so sorry for your loss. I too believe death is hardest on those left behind but then again life is for the living and we must move forward. I am like Maggie I do hope this will not interfer with your progress, your Aunt would want you to be happy....it is much to early to be thinking this way isn't it.
Try and have a peaceful and contented weekend......:-) Hugs

Nedine Says said...

Condolences for your loss. Your photos are wonderful especially the one for this particular blog. Magical !

Babaloo said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your aunt. x

frazzledsugarplummum said...

Sorry to hear about your aunt and sorry that I am so far behing with reading your posts. Got a bit overwhelmed there and finding it hard to catch up. I would go in my sleep if I could choose that....my sister did. Spared any suffering. The hard life is on this Earth. Hugs