Thursday, October 01, 2009

A good kind of morning...

It is early still, but I got up early after having gone to bed at 7:30 yesterday evening. I was so tired that it made me feel depressed and I knew the best thing to do was to go to sleep. I took some naps during the day, but apparently none were long and deep enough to make up for the whole night that I had been up. I feel very well rested now, though, and as a result, my mood has improved dramatically. I feel that I can tackle the day and whatever it will bring, although I secretly hope that it will not be too complicated. I really hope for a quiet and simple day in which I have to do nothing more exciting than walk the dog and do a load of laundry. I am quite ready for that after the stress that I've felt for the last week or so.

I woke up in the middle of the night and thought for a few seconds that I was done sleeping and that I had to get up, but I grabbed the book I was reading and half a sentence later I was asleep again. I'm glad I didn't give in to the urge to get up, because I very easily could have and sat here behind the computer in a discombobulated mood, not knowing it was due to interrupted sleep. Such a fool I have been many times and hidden it by drinking cups of coffee, thus artificially awakening myself and wondering why I mentally felt so bad.

It was good to sleep in my own bed in my cozy bedroom. The animals were there too and this time Gandhi had taken over the pillow completely so the dog had to sleep beside it. He doesn't have enough sense to push her off or to complain about it. He just resigns himself to it and lies down on the hard floor. No wonder his elbows are showing little bare patches. Toby slept on the bed beside me, as is usual, and I think it is very sweet that he is so attached to that spot, because during the day it is Gandhi who comes to me to be petted the most and Toby only asks for it occasionally. They take turns lying on top of me when I lie down on the sofa. It's whoever spots me first that gets to lie on my stomach, showing me that my body is like a beached whale that needs to be claimed by the first occupier.

The Exfactor did the grocery shopping for me yesterday and he said that he will do them for me whenever I want him to. This is very tempting and I could ask him every time, because he is here twice a week, but it is the intention that one of these days I do them myself again, otherwise it will become like a mountain that I can't climb and it will loom larger every time I need groceries. It is such a huge relief not to have to do them myself and to only have to put them away when he comes home with them. It's like someone gave me the nicest present I could have asked for. I should be all taken care of through the weekend, but on Monday I will have to try and go myself. I wish I could do my grocery shopping on line, but unfortunately we're not that far advanced yet and I don't know what the extra cost of it would be.

I fixed the Exfactor a cup of the very good brand of coffee the other day and now he wants to drink that and not drink the decaf anymore. I can't blame him, because the decaf tastes like dishwater in comparison, so now that pack of coffee pads just sits on the shelf waiting for whatever fool to come around who likes decaf. I you ever want good coffee, the name of the brand is Fortzze and I have the dark roast.

I think I am rapid cycling, which is not a strange phenomenon to me, and today is going to be a happy day. I will let it happen as it comes, keeping in mind not to get shot as high as the moon and the stars. When I am in this kind of a mood, there is the tendency to want to do all sorts of activities, but you should do the opposite of what your very urge is and do low key things that don't excite you. At least I will not go out and spend all kinds of money, because I simply don't have it. So there is no danger in that area of my life. I've already stated some time ago that I don't want to be a victim of my moods, but I meant specifically my hypomanic moods with that, because I think they are the ones that can get me into the most trouble. Now, when I feel one coming on, I very much put the brakes on and tell myself to go easy and not get out of hand. I have a good grip on my hypomanic moods.

I'm waiting for my dog to wake up so I can take him for a walk. He is asleep in the hallway and refusing to get his act together. I guess I'll have to be the one to get the show on the road. He is normally already up by this time, but he is getting old and becoming more attached to his sleep. I have a whole cup of coffee and plenty of cigarettes, so I suppose I can out wait him, but I know that any minute now he's going to wake up and have to go out in a hurry.

Okay, that's it for me for this morning.

Have a really nice day. It's supposed to rain here.



Gail said...

Sounds like you are starting a wonderful day. I, too, have a day planned but plans are easily changed.

I have a date to pick up walnuts with Beverly so tonight I shall be quite stiff and sore but will feel good to be able to help Bev since she helps me so much.

Have a great day!

Maggie May said...

Hope you are managing to have a really good day no matter what mood you might find yourself in.
Today October starts with a blaze of glory. Lovely sunny weather. X

aims said...

Why am I not surprised? Good to see you've recognized it.

Now about that shopping bit - didn't I just get an email from you on that exact subject? :0)

Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Nora. Glad you slept through the night. It's amazing sometimes how quickly you can go back to sleep again even though you feel wide awake - as long as you don't get up. I've found that to recently.

So lucky that you can have animals because they are such a comfort. Your little creatures do give you cuddles in their own way.

The Exfactor is kind to do your shopping but it's true that the less you do it the harder it will be when you have to do it. Maybe you could go with him so you have the support there and the supermarket doesn't become a too distant difficult place. I have a big problem with this at the moment myself (as you know) but the answer is that someone will go with me for the next few weeks to help me get back into it. And it will be a huge help. The Bear is no good for this purpose as he hates supermarkets and gets far more stressed out than I do!

Hope you are able to stay calm and not get too excited. You recognise your moods very well which really helps (that knowledge is so valuable) and you know how to deal with it. Thinking of you and hoping you're OK.

Best wishes,
Bearfriend xx

Debi said...

I don't know how it is that you make selecting coffee, dog and cats' sleeping habits, and ordinary life things engaging, but you do. You are a very talented writer. In a second language, no less!

I'm also glad you have worked at learning how to cope so well. I know it must be a struggle, and yet, you take courage. It's inspirational.

I have things that I would love for others to take care of also. And, occasionally I've had that luxury. But, like you say, if you depend upon it, doing it yourself becomes an even bigger chore. Best to do for yourself what you can.

Thomas Jefferson said, "Never trouble another for what you can do yourself." Drat it all, but I think he's right.

It's October 1st. I like October.