Sunday, October 11, 2009
It took some courage to put those collages up yesterday. I had made them a few years ago and not with the idea in mind that I would ever show them publicly. I think they are good and I always had them hanging in the living room, until recently when they moved to my bedroom, but because I like them, it doesn't automatically mean that other people will like them as well. You can be quite taken with your own work and it still can have no meaning to another person.
Anyway, I got up early this morning and made a drawing that is a prototype for a painting that I'm going to make at creative therapy. My inspiration for it was an artist called Lori Rase Hall, who was brought to my attention by Friend of the Bear. Her paintings are fabulous and so colorful and vivid that I wish they were mine and I would very much like to have her imagination. Another artist who was brought to my attention is Rachel Olsen and she is great, you really need to look at her work. She's another one who is very inspiring. I can do no work like it ever. She's that good.
I made another drawing, that's also a prototype for a painting, that I made up myself. I think I will make that one second after the Lori Hall one.I'm quite excited about making them, but at the same time I have a bit of trepidation, because I'm moving out of my comfort zone. It's just a little bit nerve wrecking and when I go to work on it tomorrow, I will have a healthy amount of anxiety, but I've got the steps planned on how to go about it.
After I made the drawings and spent some time behind the computer and walked the dog, I went back to bed and slept until noontime. It was wonderful and I feel very well rested now. I'm dealing with the anxiety, that I feel so often, by doubling up on my tranquilizers, something which I will discuss with my psychiatrist when I see him tomorrow. I want more than anything to feel relaxed and it is so awful when you feel like a hunted animal that is constantly alert. The tranquilizers give me a feeling of peace, which I have been lacking lately, and I am not heroic enough to get this feeling on my own. As long as I don't turn into a dull Jane, I'm not concerned. It does take a lot to get me down and out.
It's raining again, as it has been on and off for the past few days. I can't walk the dog, but he has enormous bladder control and he can always go out back. He won't want to, though, if it's raining, because he hates to get wet.
The Exfactor was here yesterday and was kind enough to go to the store for me to get the things that I needed for the weekend. He is such a good helper, I don't know what I'd do without him. Yes, I would go to the store myself with all the consequences that come with it, but right now I can only go to safe places, although now that I've doubled up on the tranquilizers, maybe more places will be safe. Hmph...you believe that and I'll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge and a nice piece of land in Florida. Guaranteed to be swamp free.
I have some pots with soil and no plants in them standing outside and in two of them, little trees have started to grow. I don't know what kind they are yet, but they look like they are going to be big trees. These are not small decorative trees, so I'll have to keep trimming them. I like that so much. Mother nature gives me these things for free. I wish things would start to grow in the other pots as well, but I'll have to plant something in them next year.
Well, that's all the talking I have to do for now. I'm sure there will be more at a later time today, you never know! I always do have the need to keep expressing myself, even if I have nothing important to say. I'm going to draw and paint now. That will keep me out of trouble.