Friday, October 09, 2009
I am sitting here with my second cup of coffee, leisurely waking up in the early morning hours without a care in the world. Isn't that nice? Of course, I'm not speaking the truth, because of course I have cares, but just for now I'm pretending not to have any. It's too early in the day for them and in reality, I can't do anything about them right now anyway. You should know when to worry and when not and now is not the time.
Right, you state that and start worrying and can do nothing but. Since this blog is about me and not about my close family members, I can't discuss what is going on in their lives that worries me and how I'm really not able to do anything but be a listening ear and maybe a careful advice giver. Needless to say, that is very frustrating and leaves me feeling anxious and uneasy and unable to put my thoughts to rest. That is my present state of mind.
I'm glad it is Friday, but I think that is more out of habit than anything else. In your life you get used to looking forward to the weekend and it is something you automatically keep doing, even if the week days are actually more fun. But it is nice to be able to be lazy in the morning and make a slow start and waste the time away without feeling that you ought to be doing something very useful, because you know that most everybody else is not either. Of course, this could be a misconception on my part, because it is possible that other people cram their weekends full of useful activities. I alway feel that I have official permission not to perform and I take full advantage of that.
First I have to get through today. That means creative therapy in the morning and going downtown in the afternoon. I'll be finishing my painting this morning and taking photos of all of them, so I'll be posting them soon. It will feel like I'm exposing myself, but I'll have to get over that.
I do want to make it downtown this afternoon and not have a panic attack at the last minute, like I did two weeks ago. I'm mentally preparing myself for it now and picturing myself going there on my bike and riding the whole route in my head and thinking of all the tricky parts of it. I do want to be ready for it. I'll be wearing the toughest boots that I have and that should do the trick. I'll wear my tough leather jacket too. I'm glad that I cut my hair and that I don't have to worry about that, because it does wonders for my self image to know that my hair will stay in place and not look ridiculous when I get off my bike. It's in the details, people!
The Exfactor was here yesterday to check on Jesker and Jesker is so deaf now that he doesn't hear the motorcycle or the outside doorbell and they're both loud. Sometimes when he asleep, he thinks he hears something and wakes up and starts to bark. When he's awake, there are all sorts of things he doesn't hear anymore, like the doorbell, or the alarm clock, or the telephone. Those are things he used to react to. A lot of times, he doesn't hear me talking to him anymore and I depend on body language to get my message across, or lipreading, that also seems to work. But he's really doing well health wise. He's just about back to his old self. He does sleep at the drop of a hat, but that could be his age.
I am looking forward to creative therapy today, although I don't exactly know what I'm going to do after I finish my painting. I won't start another painting. I want to do something different, but I don't know what yet. Maybe I'll do something with colored inks. I could also make another collage, but I really have to have the right images to be inspired for that. I'll have to look through the magazines that are left. I think it is going to be colored inks. Or maybe a drawing. It is so hard to decide. Sometimes I think I have an acute shortage of imagination and I'm forever stuck on making the same things over and over again, until someone comes along and flips a switch for me. I'll have to ask for input today.
Okay, I'm off. I have to take a shower and get the show on the road. The dog needs airing!
Have a really nice day, I'll try and do the same.