Yes, I do...

Yes, I do change the header picture of my blog often, but that is because I try to keep things exciting and because I have Mozilla Firefox as a browser and they have an add on called FoxSaver through which you discover the most beautiful photographs and while I browse through them, I always run into images that I can't resist and have to save and use for my blog one day. I do so love good photography and wish I could be a good photographer myself, but I am light years away from taking an image as good as the ones that I use as my header images now.

Luckily, there are people out there taking fabulous photographs and sharing them with us. I go to a site and type in the search term 'landscape' and get 83 pages filled with photographs of nothing but beautiful landscapes. By the time I get to page 15, I am saturated and have picked out 4 or 5 images that I really like. One day soon, I'll go back and continue looking and try to find those images that really blow me away. It's a great sport. I suppose that means that of all the arts, I like photography the best. That may be because it is the most accessible.

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I have a confession to make. I realized these past few days that I still love the Exfactor very much. I think it is better if I tell you about it instead of walking around with this knowledge silently. It is not driving me crazy or making me have sleepless nights and I don't think we're magically going to have a reconciliation, but I would hate it very much if he disappeared out of my life.

I realized that I am not interested in any other men, but that I do care about the Exfactor a lot. I care enough so that I always look my best when I know he's coming over and I very much want to make a good impression on him when he sees me, but I don't want to start fighting for him. I mean, I am not going to go into competition with the Paramount for the Exfactor's love.

I am just going to stay me the way I am now, which is an independent, autonomous, well functioning woman who can make her own way through life. I am going to stay friendly and kind and stick to my own opinions. I don't want to win the Exfactor back and always have to worry about losing him to another woman. I would never have that sense of security again.

So, I am staying alone and solitary. Thats the best thing for me to do. It is a life I can handle most easily and it has the least amount of complications. I must keep everything as simple as possible and not clutter it up with all sorts of events and people and emotions. The Exfactor and I will have our 'divorce party' and we will invite everybody we like and have a good time and you know what they say, "Fake it until you make it."

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I thought I was going to get hypomanic again after lowering my dose of anti psychotic medication, but no such thing has happened. If anything, I have been contemplative, mulling over my many sins, no doubt. Well, not that there are so many. I do try to give some thought to the ordinary every day things that make up the many moments of my life and how to get them all running smoothly. Not everything is in my hands, but I have to catch the ball as it is played to me. I need to pay attention to those things and keep my head in order.

On Tuesday, I have to go to a hearing about my objection about not having been paid welfare over the month of July. I think the deck is stacked against me, but I'll give it my best shot. The system doesn't work for the little people, it works against them. Its duty is to torment you as much as possible, not to care for you when you most need it. It's called the hardening of society and it all started with the era of Reagan and Thatcher. Whatever happens in America and Britain, happens in Western Europe as well.

The tax people didn't call, so I have to call them back. I tried to do that Friday afternoon, but they said I couldn't call until Monday. Strict rules to live by! Don't ever try to circumvent the system. Even when you don't know that you are.

I ordered cat and dog food on line, guaranteed to be there within 48 hours, that's great, but I got an email saying the cat food would be delayed and that is exactly what I need the most.

Do I sense a lessening of faith in government institutions and on line cat food sellers?

I do so love it when people do exactly what they said they would, but nowadays I have come to expect that they will not. I consider it almost normal that I have to go into action because things are not done according to plan.

Well, enough of that. I've bared my soul. Treat it gently.

Ciao...