Management

After I wrote that post late last night about rapid cycling, I went back to sleep and didn't wake up until 7 AM this morning. Wasn't that nice? And I felt so refreshed and wide awake when I did and looking forward to my mug of coffee and my first cigarette. The Überhund thought it was too early to get up and let me sit behind the computer for a while before he thought it was time to go and do his business.

I have made it a point to have a very relaxing day and to not have any disturbances or other outside pivots interfere with my solitude and serenity. I haven't done anything exorbitant and have kept a very low profile, not even popping in to see my sister on my various walks with the Überhund.

The Exfactor did come over this morning to collect my credit card and I said that as far as I am concerned, I don't own one anymore now, because it is too tempting to use it on an impulse. We had coffee and as I sat there observing him, I realized that my intense feelings for him are slowly dissipating and that I could look at him as a normal human being again. The magic is wearing off a bit. I am very happy about this and am glad that I can see him as a fellow human being and not as the object of my desire.

So, instead of doing all sorts of busy activities like I thought I might, I did the opposite and did not even play any music, so the apartment was completely silent and it felt good. Sometimes all I did was sit in silence and just let my thoughts drift to nothing important at all.

I wanted to prevent becoming manic during the afternoon and therefor I did not go for the long walk I had planned with the Überhund and I did not go out and shoot a whole bunch of pictures. Instead, I stayed inside and read a whole bunch of blogs and commented on them and watched the clock slowly turn toward the evening. I thought that if I could keep myself from getting over stimulated and excited, I would not become manic and the best way to do that is to avoid the world and the people in it and to withdraw inside my cave.

I think I was successful, because I have not felt that feeling of euphoria that I get and I have been very calm and as a result I think that maybe my mood is not going to plummet, although it is early times and I don't want to shout it out to soon. I have decided to take the extra 20 mg of temazepam again tonight, because it did help me sleep well last night and I think that is very important for my mental health.

The mail from the Tax Office came yesterday, the mail that the woman could not talk about, because I had not received it yet and that which I dreaded receiving, but it was nice mail, because they are slightly increasing both my housing and health care subsidies. How about that? Without me even asking them to. Sometimes good things happen out of the blue.

There isn't much I can tell you about today, since it was such an incredibly quiet day and I feel like I am whispering while I type this for fear of making too much noise. I am looking forward to going to creative therapy tomorrow and finishing the project I am now working on. Maybe I will remember to bring my camera and take a picture of my finished project.

That's all I have for now. I need to find out what's on TV tonight and hopefully it will be something very good that I can get lost in.

Ciao...(she whispered).