Saturday, October 11, 2008

Peace and Serenity

I have made my peace with the Exfactor and told him so in an email I sent him late last night. I would much rather have him as a very good friend, than as an ex-husband I harbor lingering feelings of love for and therefor can not have in my life. I would miss him tremendously as a person I can talk to about whatever plays in my head and the short to the point answers he gives me to help me resolve issues.

I think I found myself in a bit of a quandary because of my reaction to the divorce decree. I had not quite expected to be that emotional about it and take it to heart so. It was a bitter pill I had to swallow, but I have swallowed it now and have tasted the bitter aftermath and now I am ready to move on. As the only adult in the apartment, I do have to keep my wits about me.

As a result of my email, and to show his obvious relief, the Exfactor was here early this morning to bring me the 6 soup bowls that he did not like, but which I have use for. We got all straightened out over several cups of coffee and are on comfortable footing again. It is a great relief to me too. I would miss his cheerful presence in my life.

In the meantime, the cats are slowly learning to like their new cat food, although I catch Nouri eating the best bits out of the Überhund's dog food. Any minute now she is going to start barking and that will get her on the regional TV channel.

There is a cat two streets over who looks exactly like Nouri, with the exact same coloring and the same blue eyes. When I saw her first, I thought it was Nouri who had gone wandering, but it was not. Those people must have gotten their cat from the exact same place where we got Nouri, since Nouri is such an unusual cat. She is half Siamese. We got her at a pet shop in Belgium, which is the worst kind of place to get a pet and which I will never do again, because the animals there come from bad breeding places and are sick when you buy them, but you don't know that until you get them home.

If I ever were to get a cat again, I wouldn't get a kitten, but adopt a fully grown cat from the animal shelter. There are enough of them sitting there needing a good home.

I have to go grocery shopping, which I never got around to doing yesterday and even now I am putting it off. It is going to be busy there, because it is Saturday and lots of working people will be doing their weekly shopping. Leave it to me to wait until today to do mine. Bad timing.

I have been feeling like staying snugly at home and only going out to walk the Überhund and I think that is because Autumn is in the air and I feel like hunkering down and being cozy inside, but the weather has been beautiful these past few days and it feels like an Indian Summer and I should go out as much as possible and enjoy the warmth of the sunshine.

Would anyone care to come over and vacuum? It is such a chore and I so do not feel like doing it. Sometimes I really don't like the sound of the vacuum cleaner. It feels very intrusive and loud and I think I ought not to be making so much noise. I keep putting it off and doing other important things, such as sitting by the dining table and looking out the window while I drink my coffee and smoke my cigarettes and ponder little and big questions. Mostly about not very important things, because I am much too lazy to.

I feel my whole being slowing down for wintertime. Not in unhappiness, but in laziness and I only want to do things that are pleasant and comforting. The only things I still enjoy doing are the dishes and the laundry, because I get such satisfaction out of them and they are relatively soothing activities. Especially hanging up the laundry to dry and seeing that it got really clean. Oh yes, and changing the bed, I like that too. Sleeping under a clean duvet cover, mmm...good.

I must be very connected to the earth and the seasons, because I always seem to react to them very strongly. I hibernate along with nature. I go down when the sun goes down, or just about. When everything disappears under the ground, that's where I want to disappear also. Which Goddess is it who goes to the underworld in the wintertime? Persephone, that's right, and her mother Demeter allows the world to become barren. Well, barren I am then, what do you say? Barren of thought and action? Or is it really not that bad?

It is no wonder that our ancient ancestors revered he evergreen, the tree that stayed green during the winter. When I decorate a Christmas tree during that season, I always do it with that thought in mind and not the Christian idea of the birth of Christ, because the one thing has nothing to do with the other. I also like mistletoe and once lived in a place where it could be found in abundance and I decorated the whole house with it, so lots of kisses for me.

I do enjoy the odd pagan ritual, although I only know a few of them, but could find out more about them if I tried. It's just a shame that paganism is associated with witchcraft nowadays and not with humanism as it should be, because they were the rituals of the ordinary people and not some mysterious hocus pocus that was inaccessible to them. In the North East of the country, in the Saxon areas, you still find some pagan customs that are considered very ordinary today. There's no witchcraft involved, it's the people themselves who keep the traditions going.

You see how I go from one subject to the next and you get some idea of how my mind works, I have a broad base of interests and subjects to think about. There is never a dull moment in my head. Which reminds me of the fact that I really do need to get a library card.

Well, I think I will slowly get the show on the road. I must walk the Überhund and write a shopping list, so as to not fall into temptation when I visit the store. The main things I am going to get are low fat milk and nonfat yogurt with fruit in it.

Right, have yourself a good day on this lovely weekend and please feel free to come over and vacuum.



Bev said...

'As the only adult in the household, I do have to keep my wits about me' LOL

True about the evergreen and Christmas. Christmas is at heart a pagan festival which was hijacked by the Catholic Church to make it popular with the pagan masses, I remember reading. Of course it is, when you look at the Christmas tree with all its sumptuous and glittery baubles (not Christian), all the feasting and carousing which goes on.

Glad you are still friends with the Exfactor x

The Writer said...

Beautiful morning here. If you find someone to vaccume, sent them over here as well.

Happy wandering!

The Writer...and her dog, Bear

Frances said...

I admire you so much Irene. You have tremendous strength and honesty - particularly honesty with yourself.
Glad to hear that you have decided to keep the Exfactor as a friend. From this distance he seems to be your best friend and if he can cope with having to be careful of your feelings, all the better. If you don't mind that you have some complicated feelings, that is fine, surely. After all there are no limits on what one can feel for friends.
Keep well and look after yourself.

VioletSky said...

I like how your mind works, with it's broad base of interests. I imagine it would never be a dull moment being around you either!

aims said...

I've heaved a huge sigh of relief that you have come to terms with the Exfactor. It is far better to remain friends than to stay in love with someone you can't have any more. I'm sure you are finding more peace right now.

Perhaps this peace is what is making you lay back and relax. Because now you can. The vacuuming can always wait. I'm sure the animals don't care if their hair is lying around. :0)

Maggie May said...

Glad you are still friendly with the Exfactor. pays to have good friends and he sounds as though he is there for you.
I will come & vacuum yours if you come & vacuum mine first! I think you would be the loser as mine seems the biggest place.
Has been beautiful today.
Have a good night X

Maureen said...

"You see how I go from one subject to the next and you get some idea of how my mind works, I have a broad base of interests and subjects to think about. There is never a dull moment in my head. Which reminds me of the fact that I really do need to get a library card."

That was perfect, Irene, just perfect!