Thursday, October 16, 2008

Later in the evening.

I have decided to add another post to the one I wrote earlier today. I thought I ended that one kind of abruptly when I got it in my mind that I needed to have something special to eat. Well, I never did get something special, because I realized it was just an effort on my part to make me feel better through eating some good food and I had a Cup a Soup instead.

What did begin to dawn on me, how ever, was that my mood was plummeting and that I was sliding down into a depression, although you can't call it that officially unless you've had it for 2 weeks in a row. Possibly this is just a temporary setback and it will be cleared up in no time, but it doesn't feel like that right now. The joy of live has gone out of me a bit. That what I enjoyed before and got excited about, leaves me unmoved now. I felt like sitting down on the sofa and having a good old bawl about it, but I know the tears won't come.

I called my SPN, but she was not in today, she will be back in tomorrow and I left a message for her to call me back. My psychiatrist is not in all week. Facing 4 days by myself seemed like an enormous obstacle and I called the Exfator and asked him if he could come over, which he did later this afternoon. He has agreed to come and check on me a few times a week for the next couple of weeks until we now where I stand. There is no ulterior motive behind this, I simply need a body to come and check on me and have a cup of coffee with me and talk to me for half an hour.

I can't ask my sister to do this, as she has not the proper frame of mind to concern herself with me now. We are several light years apart in our thinking and both tell each other cheerfully that we are doing fine. As a matter of fact, my sister insists on it.

If this is going to turn into a true depression, I'll have to make the best of it and get through it the best way I know how. That means staying on top of everything constantly and not letting it get me too down and out. I still need to function.

Okay, that's all I had to add.



Bev said...

Great that the Exfactor is going to come and check on you.

I can only suggest keep walking the dog to get regular exercise, and perhaps talking to the people that you meet on the way, and keep up all the therapy so that you get to see the other people there. I think everybody needs other people to talk to on a daily basis, no man is an island. And you of course have an active social life online :) What about doing some sort of course online? (I can talk - I have been going to do a course online for about five years lol)

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you called your medical providers. That seems like a long time to wait, when depression is creeping in. With you history of deep depression, that is certainly too long to wait.

I'm glad Exfactor is going to check on you. It does not seem like an ulterior motive to me, you need people around you right now. I wish your sister could handle these situations. I worry that with Exfactor around so much, it may trigger up old feelings. However, I'm glad you found someone who care deeply about you and knows you so well, to keep checking on you.

You know the drill my friend, you must eat healthy, take those walks, shower and get dressed every single day and get your sleep. No matter what try to stay on a schedule.

I know you've said, "we're just bloggers," but I care about you as a true friend and I'm here.


Maggie May said...

Glad to hear that you called the Exfactor to help you. That was a good thing to do.
Try and stick to some kind of routine & walking is very good for you.
Try to do little things & divide your day into small sections going from one to the other.
Try not to sit about.
We all care about you, Irene X

John said...

My best, Irene. Take care.


aims said...

At least you are able to recognize it for what it is.

Do you think that all of a sudden you are realizing the enormity of the change that has happened in your life and it is depressing you?

I could easily see that as being the instigator.

Hope your SPN has a helpful idea tomorrow. Don't want you backsliding if you can resist.

French Fancy said...

sorry to read that you are feeling low. I've got no advice whatsoever to give you, although I second bev's advice about taking the dog for a walk. Easy for someone to say but maybe you can't face going outside.

VioletSky said...

That is a long time to wait for medical providers help. Glad you have the Exfactor around. I know the feeling of just needing somebody to talk to for a bit - and sometimes a bit is all you can handle. Taking the dog out and even just saying hello to passersby might help get you through an hour at a time. But you probably don't need us blog friends to tell you that. We will anyway, because we care.