I am so totally unconcerned with anything today. It must be because it is Saturday and I know that the big gears of bureaucracy and banking lie still and nothing in my life is going to change by me doing any sort of worrying or fretting or mind screwing, to put it nicely.
So, I fill my day with pleasant and useful and not so useful activities and do them as they come to me in no particular order and at whatever speed I deem necessary, with how ever much joy I feel at the moment and that is all very pleasant. I wile away the hours catching up on blogs and doing laundry and walking the Überhund and then I sit and barely eat the one slice of raisinbread that I manage to get down and burp a lot.
The Exfactor was here this morning, because the washing machine at his place is broken and he had been paying 4 Euros to get his laundry badly washed at the laundromat down the street. So I kindly offered him the use of my old but well functioning washing machine and his clothes were washed while he ran errands.
He was here yesterday in his capacity as 'caretaker' over me and that went well. I discussed my recent moods with him and my financial situation and the kind of scrapes I had gotten myself into and we put our heads together and made some sense of it. I think this arrangement will work, as I feel I can be quite honest and not beat around the bush or be embarrassed about how I have been dealing with things, or have not been dealing with them. The Exfactor is primarily a kind person and I have to tell him not to mollycoddle me. I need a firm hand.
It is ridiculous to think or imagine that this arangement is going to lead to a propitiation. All the reasons for our marriage to fail are still there and nothing has changed there. I still need my freedom of thought and movement and I don't want to give up what I have now gained. The Exfactor is still very much in love with the Paramount and I think under the conditions of their arrangement, he will stay that way for quite some time. He also needs his alone time and his freedom of thought and movement. We certainly don't want to go back to stifling each other. Seeing him once or twce a week as a friend and as someone I care for is more than enough. I think that suits us both. We just need a legitimate reason for it and we have that now.
The Überhund is quite funny when the Exfactor comes over. He starts to behave like a puppy who needs all the attention. All his dignity goes out the door and he begs for love and wants to be petted and fussed over and not share the Exfactor with the cats. Luckily, he returns to normal afterwards, because I like him much better then. I do like him to behave like a grown up dog with some amount of common sense and self respect. I hate to see him all humble and pleading for attention.
I saw my sister yesterday when I was out waking the Überhund and when I asked her how she was she said that she was great and that everything was fine again and that her very somber mood had passed. Does that sound familiar to you?
I have discovered a burn hole in one of my favorite dresses and I wonder how long I've been walking around with it? I must remedy the situation and sew the hole closed as well as I can. If you run fast, you won't notice it, my mother always said.
I must end this epistle, because the Überhund needs to go out very badly and is making very desperate noises. I think I must hurry before his bladder bursts.