I am not going to wait with writing this post until late tonight like I did last night. I ended up going to bed too late, although I suppose it didn't really matter, because I could sleep late this morning, but the poor Überhund did have to wait long for his morning walk and his bladder was about to burst.
I am in an odd frame of mind which I will call disconnectedness or absentmindedness. Somehow the minutes and the hours tick away without me really being aware of them and I sit behind the computer and play without a mind to anything of importance that I might be doing, such as checking my google reader, or my Facebook or my page on six sentences or Hyves. I even forget to check my emails. I just sit and play as if there are not a hundred other things I could be doing and I am like a person in a bubble and what is outside my bubble, doesn't exist.
I am going to let it be so, it is like floating in a semi dark sea that is warm and comfortable and fairly silent and nothing complicated happens there. The cats and the dog are with me, that is all. I suppose it is an inter fall between moods, like I have taken shelter in a monastery and I have taken the vow of silence. I am wrapped in a cloak of comfort and solitude. The world does not exist and even if I have to go out in it, it only exists in my peripheries.
I contemplate nothing, I am as shallow as an undeep rain puddle. There are no deep depths. and undertows. There are no underwater caverns to discover. There is only an absentminded me on the surface who forgets to pay attention to what goes on around her. I rely on the dog to sound the alert if there is danger.
I suppose I am disassociating a bit, but there is no harm in it. I still have both my feet on the ground and I am not floating off to never never land. I have a great desire to go to the store to buy something excellent to eat and be completely absorbed by the food and tune out all that is around me for half an hour. I have to comb my hair and fix my face and walk the dog. I have to somehow become a little bit more operative, yet stay disconnected.
So, forgive me this short post while I try to figure out what I am capable off.
Ciao...
6 comments:
I do that often, Irene. I find it very soothing (although if it goes on for too long it is slightly worrying).
"I am as shallow as an undeep rain puddle." What a beautiful line. I do love your writing!
Your posting is as sharp and beautifully written as ever, so clearly your brain is still on the ball.
However, remember you have people to talk to on the end of a phone if you feel you are losing contact with reality too much.
Irene, it sounds like mindfulness to me, which is a good thing. Embrace it!
Sending love, only love. You know yourself better than anyone. If it goes on for too long or it is turning to despair, please use the support system that you have in place. Sometime loss hits us much later.
XXXXX
Sounds like you're having a mini holiday from everyday life. Enjoy! And keep in mind what everyone else is saying...
You are certainly capable of beautiful writing - floating on a semi dark sea that is warm and comfortable and fairly silent and nothing complicated happens - brilliant.
Though it can be scary when these feelings of disconnectedness go on for too long. I have been feeling a little of that myself these past few days. And have had a sense of floating through your daily posts, accepting all the new thoughts and mind twists as if on a gentle wave.
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