Saturday, July 04, 2009

When are we getting started?

Jesker is laying here by my feet, sound asleep and snoring, so I will start this post and see how far I get into it. He is a strange fellow, because all he did was a little piddle out back, as if he was saving the rest for a larger outing. It's old age that makes sleep happen to him at the drop of a hat and has him awake again soon enough, ready to go. It's almost like he is narcoleptic, the way he falls asleep in mid sentence.

I slept like a log again as usual. I'm such a good sleeper nowadays and that is after taking a nap on the sofa while I try to watch the news. Luckily, the news is on a few times at night, so if I miss it once, I get to see it at another time, but it is all bad, so I'm not sure if I want to watch it at all. It said last night that Ireland was especially hit hard by the economic crisis and the poor Irish people are having a heck of a hard time. I suppose I'll consider myself lucky then, no matter how expensive life is getting.

I've cut back my Oxazepam from four times a day to three times a day. I just spread it out over longer periods of time. So far that seems to be working fine and I'm less tired during the day. As usual, I haven't discussed this with anybody and won't until next Tuesday when I see my SPN. I like to do these things on my own for whatever reason, probably because I don't want to be discouraged and I am stubborn.

I've also dropped my dance therapy. Doing that right after ergo therapy proved to be too much of a good thing and I found out that I did much better without it. That leaves me with four half days of therapy and I think that is enough. I do need some time on my own and some time to do other things. I don't always want to be committed to something, although it's nice to regularly go somewhere and do something useful, as long as it doesn't leave me feeling exhausted.

Another thing I think I've noticed is, that when my mood is about to change, I become very tired and need to sleep a lot during the day. The only thing I can't remember is what my mood is like during the sleepy period. I know I became hypomanic after it, but what was I before it? Do any of you remember that? I just remember being very sleepy. I suppose I should read my own posts and find out.

Oh, for goodness sake, I just got an email from the Exfactor. He is back from his vacation and is coming by tomorrow to bring me the money I lend him. I have very ambivalent feelings about that. I didn't really miss him while he was gone. I thought it was more than okay, it was kind of nice. Oh, well.

To get rid of my frustrations, I'm going to clean house now. There are always jobs to do and it will be good for me.

Have a good day.



SugarCain said...

Irene, I am so glad that you sound so relaxed and calm.

I'm trying to think of patterns I've noticed in your writing. After one of your very tired periods, I believe a clue to your moving toward manic is a desire to buy things and change things, like blog design and painting furniture. My guess is that we are trying to exert control over the environment. I saw this pattern while reading your old blog and noted it as a behavior I also exhibit.

I must add here that, of course as you already know, I am not a professional and I am only noting patterns I've noticed from following your moods as you document them.

I'm so glad that you are not required to attend so many sessions, although all of them sound nice. I think that a person needs a certain amount of thinking/leisure time in order to stay in touch with themselves. And we definitely must stay in touch with ourselves, because no one can do it for us.

I am trying to embrace the UP times as a period in which to accomplish many things I'm otherwise too tired to contemplate, but I can get out of hand sometimes and make poor decisions.

I have been meaning to mention also that I have read some of your six sentence stories and they are wonderful. The idea of reducing a story to its essence in just six sentences really appeals to my need to keep things small and neat and under control.

I hope I'm not babbling. I'm UP, as I'm sure you have noticed.

Gail said...

I have no answers but I tend to be sleepy when everything is so overwhelming. All these things I must do and no time and no way I can get them done...I must remember to eat the elephant one bite at a time and remember from whence we began.

Tessa said...

Well, I think your therapist was right the other day - you are indeed an intelligent, talented and creative woman. As most of us know, talented and creative people often teeter on the knife-edge of high highs and low lows. So for you to suffer from this disease as well is a double whammy. I, as you know, admire you enormously for the intelligent and courageous way you deal with this vicious 'black-dog' as William Styron calls it.

I can't put my finger on a pattern precisely because I can't work out if your sleepiness is a sign of a down or an indication of a high to come. Sometimes your therapy sessions seem to make you loose your equilibrium a little perhaps?

Maureen said...

It is good that you no longer need that sign "sleep!"...

I love to take naps, but sometimes I wake up in time for dinner with no appetite at all.

Glad to hear you have found a balance to your therapies; too much is too much!