I was sitting there with my SPN, listening to myself talk, and I thought, "My God, I sound like I've got the world by it's balls," but I couldn't stop myself jabbering away, speaking with great conviction and authority, as if I was proclaiming from the Holy Book and it was all written on stone tablets.
I thought about it afterwards and I decided that she is a therapist and she is allowed to observe and analyze my behavior any time I'm there and draw her conclusions about it. It doesn't make me a bad or ridiculous person. She's not there to judge me, she's there to help me.
Every day I move into hypomania and every time I notice it, or someone points it out to me, I slam on the brakes and come to a screeching halt and drop back down to earth for a while until the next time. Sometimes I don't notice it on time and I act manic. It's like there's a fire burning behind my eyes that gives them a piercing quality and I can see everything. I'm hyper alert.
Sometimes I take my Oxazepam a little earlier to slow myself down a bit, I wear myself out. Not doing things, but just being. Just existing.
I went to the pharmacy, and although I had not asked for it, they gave me more Oxazepam, which is good, because I'm almost out of it. It must have been my lucky day.
I looked in the bag with clothes and found another top I can wear that fits. I'm wearing it now and it matches my red necklace.
I bought thick vanilla yogurt at the store and had a glass of it and am very full four hours after eating it. I must make myself eat a salami sandwich in a while, because I can't live on yogurt alone.
When I went to pay my grocery bill, I actually had enough cash in my wallet to pay for the whole thing. How fortunate. I was kind of counting on that, but I wasn't sure and thought I would have to pay with my bank card. I have more than six Euros left in change, that's enough for three cappuccinos.
Tomorrow's weather prediction is nothing but rain and I an protesting, because I do have to go out in it, so I do need a dry spell now and then.
Now the Oxazepam is working and I'm slowing down. Thank goodness. I can go lay down on the sofa and watch some TV.
See you all tomorrow,