Tuesday, July 07, 2009

What's she saying?

I was sitting there with my SPN, listening to myself talk, and I thought, "My God, I sound like I've got the world by it's balls," but I couldn't stop myself jabbering away, speaking with great conviction and authority, as if I was proclaiming from the Holy Book and it was all written on stone tablets.

I thought about it afterwards and I decided that she is a therapist and she is allowed to observe and analyze my behavior any time I'm there and draw her conclusions about it. It doesn't make me a bad or ridiculous person. She's not there to judge me, she's there to help me.

Every day I move into hypomania and every time I notice it, or someone points it out to me, I slam on the brakes and come to a screeching halt and drop back down to earth for a while until the next time. Sometimes I don't notice it on time and I act manic. It's like there's a fire burning behind my eyes that gives them a piercing quality and I can see everything. I'm hyper alert.

Sometimes I take my Oxazepam a little earlier to slow myself down a bit, I wear myself out. Not doing things, but just being. Just existing.

I went to the pharmacy, and although I had not asked for it, they gave me more Oxazepam, which is good, because I'm almost out of it. It must have been my lucky day.

I looked in the bag with clothes and found another top I can wear that fits. I'm wearing it now and it matches my red necklace.

I bought thick vanilla yogurt at the store and had a glass of it and am very full four hours after eating it. I must make myself eat a salami sandwich in a while, because I can't live on yogurt alone.

When I went to pay my grocery bill, I actually had enough cash in my wallet to pay for the whole thing. How fortunate. I was kind of counting on that, but I wasn't sure and thought I would have to pay with my bank card. I have more than six Euros left in change, that's enough for three cappuccinos.

Tomorrow's weather prediction is nothing but rain and I an protesting, because I do have to go out in it, so I do need a dry spell now and then.

Now the Oxazepam is working and I'm slowing down. Thank goodness. I can go lay down on the sofa and watch some TV.

See you all tomorrow,

Ciao...

6 comments:

SugarCain said...

Irene, I thought I sensed you ramping up a bit. You are getting so much better at recognizing it, aren't you? That seems a very good thing. This time you identified it before the queen and the pope and god made an appearance. :)

I see you changing.

Maggie May said...

Just as well you have begun to recognize when the spring is wound up too tightly!
Hope you manage a peaceful night X

John said...

take care, my friend....

Gail said...

Wonderful day, again!

Maureen said...

It's so great that you can be flexible to take the meds when you need to.

Hey look! I didn't wait two weeks before commenting again!

Frances said...

yay you
Keep well sweetheart
hugs