Monday, July 27, 2009


After I wrote my post this morning I slept. I then woke up for some lunch and some computer time and then I slept some more, so I pretty much slept all day. Jesker has only seen the back of the patio to do his many piddles, I have not walked him once. Chances are, that in a little while I'll go back to sleep again. It's the best thing I can think of right now. It's like pulling a blanket over my head and excluding the whole world from my vision. I feel the need to do that right now. Therefor my reluctance to go outside and walk Jesker.

I'm in a hibernating mood. On top of that, it has just started to rain, increasing my resolve to huddle up inside. I want to be an animal in his cave in his winter sleep in the middle of summer. I have not combed my hair nor applied make up. I've just washed my face and brushed my teeth, that's it. I did a very lousy job brushing my teeth. I don't want to be kissed today.

I know this kind of mood. I've had it before and I'm trying to find safety inside the apartment and in sleep. It means I feel very vulnerable and unable to face the most simple things. I could screw up my courage and do them, but I don't want to. I want to be here safely inside my cocoon and pull my metaphoric blanket closer around myself. I may never come out again and starve to death for not going to the store.

I will make one resolution. I will walk Jesker when I'm done writing this, because the poor dog should not be the victim of my mood. One walk a day I should be able to handle.

I'll have to ask the Exfactor to do the shopping for me later this week if this mood continues. I don't see me doing anything significant now. It's like I've given up the battle and buried the hatchet, but I don't know if I'm a prisoner of war or a survivor.

Right, I'll go walk the dog and then go lie down on the sofa again.

Have a good evening.



aims said...

What on earth?
I go away for a couple of days and come back and find things that turned upside down in your world.

What has happened?

Anonymous said...

Irene, some times it's good to rant or reflect or think aloud or even just write. I'm here if you need a friend.

CJ xx

Babaloo said...

Where did this come from all of a sudden? Or is it not so sudden?

You really should go and walk the dog, like you said, he needs it and you do, too. Honest, daylight and fresh air does wonders most days.

Hope you feel better soon!


Anonymous said...

What has triggered this "batten-down-the-hatches-and-hide-till-it-gets-better" mood, do you think? Maybe some systematic analysis will help you work your way out of it? I hope it doesn't last too much longer: you need to get outside and live your life! (And I know that you know this, and I also know that knowing it doesn't always mean doing it. But do hang it there - it will pass!)

Maggie May said...

There is a good chance that the mood will shift soon.
Just play it by ear, Irene,
A good night's sleep might make all the difference.
like you said, you can't jail up the animals so walking the dog might help you a bit.

Our day turned out sunny and dry after a slightly wet start.
G/night. X

Gail said...

Could the increase in meds be causing this? Hang in there! This, too, shall pass.

You have my email if you need me!

Frances said...

Could it be the ups and downs of the meds? Could it be the change of therapist? We haven't heard anything about that replacement therapist and I'm not clear if you did go to any of the sessions with her after you missed the first.
I think you were upset by the recent realisation that you can't ease off on the meds without repercussions, you have to take advice from the professionals on it and that there isn't going to be a quick fix anytime soon. I also think that weight loss programme went too fast and was too hard. Don't give in, Irene, don't crumble and don't let being kind to yourself spread into that old horrible slime of doing nothing at all and feeling dreadful. Force yourself to be cheery and get out. Don't dwell on stuff and start mouldering away.

That's enough telling off for now. You are precious and must look after yourself, that includes sometimes doing hard stuff and not letting yourself slip too far into nothingness.

Keep well, hugs