Autumn...

Yesterday afternoon it was my intention to just vacuum the area rug, because I was not in the mood for the noisy vacuum cleaner, but once I had it out and running, it wasn't all that bad and I decided to vacuum the kitchen and the bedroom too. The noise is always worse in your memory than it is in real life. I also vacuumed the dog's pillow and then applied flea drops to him and got his clean blanket out of the laundry, so we should be flea free now. As long as the cats don't bring home any new ones, which they always do in the summertime. They roam far and wide and pick them up all over the place. That's the good part about wintertime, we'll be rid of those pesky fleas.

I didn't do the dishes, because of the vacuuming, and then I was so hungry that I had to eat and after that I walked the dog and then the news was on. No happy news on the news, with dire predictions that we haven't felt the worst of the economic crisis yet, even though things have stabilized. The real consequences will be felt next year when there will be a shortage of money and massive layoffs. Isn't that a wonderful thing to look forward to? We mustn't get discouraged and keep the money rolling. Well, mine certainly is. It is being pumped back into the economy whether I like it or not.

I slept on the sofa again and woke up in the middle of the night with a very painful arm and hand, so I guess I will be sleeping in my bed again tonight. I did shut off the television with the remote control, which means I put it on stand by and I hate to do that, because it still uses energy that way. When you're pinching pennies like me, all those things add up. The sofa is just long enough for me to sleep on, but it's not wide enough and I have to make myself small or my arm will fall off the side of it. That creates discomfort, so I better go back to my bed.

I got to ergo therapy this morning, only to find out that the ergo therapist was sick, but we were allowed to go to creative therapy instead, which I thought was just splendid. It was with the therapist who I dropped on Tuesdays and she is the one with all the neat ideas on what to do with paper and inks and watercolors, so I picked up a lot of pointers today and I now can't wait to apply them and I desperately want to go out and get supplies, but I have to be patient. I saw the neatest effect on what to do with watercolor paper and colored inks and I can't wait to try it. It makes me think I ought to go back to that class on Tuesdays, but I'm afraid it will be too much again and I must be sensible.

I had been putting the grocery shopping off since Monday and was so very much not looking forward to it. It was the thought of going to the ever busy supermarket and picking out the groceries and standing in line that was putting me off. Also riding home with all the groceries in the bags on my bike and unloading everything. I just was not up to the task. So I called the Exfactor and asked him very bluntly if he would do it for me instead and he happily agreed to, which was a great relief to me.

I made a not so overwhelming shopping list and when he got here, he went straight to the supermarket and was back here within the shortest amount of time, because for the Exfactor everything is a breeze. I don't know how the man does it, but nothing seems to bother him. He does everything with a snap of his fingers. Needless to say, I was very grateful and I won't have to go shopping now until next week. I'm going to try to make everything last as long as possible.

I'm taking a tranquilizer three times a day, I've decided, and it agrees well with me. It is just the right amount to settle me down and make me calm enough. I'm not so much under the influence that I'm a zombie, but it does take the sharpest edges off and that is pleasant, because now I don't have to worry as much. On the whole, my day is much easier with them and I am more relaxed and at ease and not so stressed.

I think always feeling a certain amount of anxiety is second nature to me, so feeling more of it comes very easy to me, but it sure is a tiring thing. It's like you're always prepared for something unpleasant to happen, even when nothing is going to, but you assume it will. I have had many, many years like that since my childhood and it's become permanently engraved in my mind. I don't want to live under that assumption, though, and I try to reason myself out of it, but it is hard to have to do it over and over again repeatedly without end. It's nice to get a break like I do with the tranquilizers, I just shouldn't take such a mega dose of them and I won't now.

I wore my Spring/Fall boots today and my warmer leggings. The weather has turned and it really feels like Autumn out today. There's a chilly wind and clouds in the sky and it looks like rain. I like it, this is my kind of weather, this is my month to really live and breathe and come alive in. The weatherman said that meteorologically speaking, it is Fall now, although on the calender it says it won't be until the 21st. For all things concerning the weather it is Autumn now. I believe it, because you can feel it in the air and tell by the sunlight.

I still haven't done the dishes now. Do you think they will wait for me forever or wash themselves and line up neatly in the dish rack on the kitchen counter.? Oh well, I suppose I will get around to them sooner or later. I will get an attack of cleanliness and they will suddenly get done. Just like everything gets done around here. Things never do turn into the disaster they could be. I always save myself on time.

I've got to read some email and blog posts now and make myself another cup of decaf. If I make it strong enough it doesn't taste like decaf. I can even fool myself.

Have a great evening. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. That leaves you a lot of leeway.

Ciao...

When are we getting started?

Jesker is laying here by my feet, sound asleep and snoring, so I will start this post and see how far I get into it. He is a strange fellow, because all he did was a little piddle out back, as if he was saving the rest for a larger outing. It's old age that makes sleep happen to him at the drop of a hat and has him awake again soon enough, ready to go. It's almost like he is narcoleptic, the way he falls asleep in mid sentence.

I slept like a log again as usual. I'm such a good sleeper nowadays and that is after taking a nap on the sofa while I try to watch the news. Luckily, the news is on a few times at night, so if I miss it once, I get to see it at another time, but it is all bad, so I'm not sure if I want to watch it at all. It said last night that Ireland was especially hit hard by the economic crisis and the poor Irish people are having a heck of a hard time. I suppose I'll consider myself lucky then, no matter how expensive life is getting.

I've cut back my Oxazepam from four times a day to three times a day. I just spread it out over longer periods of time. So far that seems to be working fine and I'm less tired during the day. As usual, I haven't discussed this with anybody and won't until next Tuesday when I see my SPN. I like to do these things on my own for whatever reason, probably because I don't want to be discouraged and I am stubborn.

I've also dropped my dance therapy. Doing that right after ergo therapy proved to be too much of a good thing and I found out that I did much better without it. That leaves me with four half days of therapy and I think that is enough. I do need some time on my own and some time to do other things. I don't always want to be committed to something, although it's nice to regularly go somewhere and do something useful, as long as it doesn't leave me feeling exhausted.

Another thing I think I've noticed is, that when my mood is about to change, I become very tired and need to sleep a lot during the day. The only thing I can't remember is what my mood is like during the sleepy period. I know I became hypomanic after it, but what was I before it? Do any of you remember that? I just remember being very sleepy. I suppose I should read my own posts and find out.

Oh, for goodness sake, I just got an email from the Exfactor. He is back from his vacation and is coming by tomorrow to bring me the money I lend him. I have very ambivalent feelings about that. I didn't really miss him while he was gone. I thought it was more than okay, it was kind of nice. Oh, well.

To get rid of my frustrations, I'm going to clean house now. There are always jobs to do and it will be good for me.

Have a good day.

Ciao...

Have one yourself.

Yippee, I'm ready for another bright day at the 'bring your own pet and have fun household.' Yes, you too can have fun with your favorite animal in this charming apartment with its practical linoleum floors. Does your pet shed? Don't worry, it will all get swept up the next time there is motivation for it. Does your cat barf up hairballs? No need to worry, there are lots of paper towels. Nobody here gets nauseous from looking at it and wiping it up. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this really is the best place to hang out with your best pet. The facilities are the greatest and so is the service.

Well, as they say here, all madness on a stick, what a way to start the day. The dog has been bribed with treats to sit pretty and have his ointments put in his eyes. I know he will do it without the treats, but I want to make the occasion as pleasurable as possible for him. That means associating it with something very nice. He's like a little child that gets rewarded with something special for good behavior.

Toby is having his absolute crazy 30 minutes. That means he is running around the living room making everything look like a possible prey and attacking it and hitting it across the floor where it goes shooting off into all directions. This worries the dog endlessly and he stands there looking and sounding very alarmed.

For some reason, he always wants the cats to behave and becomes very upset when they do something that he thinks they ought not to. He is usually right too, like when Gandhi pulls herself along on her back with her nails stuck in the side of the sofa. He goes over and shoves her with his nose, until she hits him with a paw and then he comes running to me, very upset, complaining loudly.

Yes, life is an endless variety of humor when you live with animals. My life would not be half as much fun without them. I think most of my liveliness is inspired by the animals. I know I will never live without one.

My older sister just called me and she is getting ready to sell everything she owns. The business and the house that goes with it. She has been struck by the economic crisis. It is possible that a project developer is going to buy the property, as it is almost smack in the middle of downtown. She's had a hell of a hard time this past year and has had a tough time keeping things going. Now she is at the end of her rope. There is no more slack. All the worry has been bad for her health. She has high blood pressure, so you can imagine what the stress does to that. She's a tough broad, but I have hated to see what this does to her.

I must go grocery shopping today. On Saturday of all days. That's because I always postpone whatever I'm supposed to do. Now the store will be crowded with people who suffer from the same problem as I do. It doesn't make me happy at all to have to go and do that, because I have to buy some bulky items and I will doubtlessly be burdened down with my big shopping bag again. Being tough and stubborn is the only way to go about it, or else I wouldn't go at all and forsake all groceries. I must buy myself a treat to make it more appealing. It will have to be a cheap treat, because I am nearing the end of the fiscal month.

The good part is that I will be buying the dog some delicious food that's good for overweight dogs and he gets to have some as soon as I get home because I was all out of dog food this morning. I saw some the other day that I can buy and it looked very appetizing. It almost looked like people food. God only knows what they put in it, I don't want to know. Maybe eyeballs and testicles.

I must end this epistle and walk the dog who has been waiting patiently. I must not lay down on the job, that's a whole other career choice.

Have a terrific day, enjoy your Saturday the best way you know how.

Ciao...

I'll be darned...

I only fell asleep for a very brief time on the sofa after the news tonight. I did manage to watch all of the news and I know the country has been in a recession since April now. That was the happy news they told us tonight.

Every time I watch the news, things become more dire, for the middle classes especially, but I don't belong to them, so I am managing some optimism still. I can't get lower down the economic ladder than I am, so I am frankly not all that worried, but I do feel sorry for the other people who stand to loose so much and watch their hard earned money fly out the window.

The government is doing its best, they really are, but who can fight this crisis? We'll be left with a huge deficit for future generations to pay off, there is no other solution it seems, although people are breaking their heads to try and come up with one. Not every solution is welcome to every group of the population, that's what makes it so hard. And it is always the people with the most money who are the least willing to give up a bit of it.

They are thinking of raising the retirement age to 67 years and getting rid of the mortgage interest tax deduction and especially the latter is causing a lot of resistance among the people who own their own homes. I am not going to express my own point of view here, but I know what I think about both these issues.

Well, anyway, maybe we need Barack Obama over here to set us straight, although secretly I think the whole world is keeping an eye on what he is doing and may be following his lead if the situation is applicable to their country. Although, now that I think of it, he may be finding his inspiration in Europe and following our lead. Actually, I think his inspiration is Franklin D. Roosevelt, who was an old Dutchman himself and the perfect example of a Western European Socialist. Don't ever confuse that with Stalinism. That's a totally different brand.

So, I'm sitting here with my decaf and my loyal dog close by who has been to the vet and has gotten 2 kinds of ointment to be applied to both eyes twice a day. His right eye was badly infected again, although it is always hard to catch, because his eyes are always on the red and droopy side. The vet had to put little strips of paper under his eyelid and practically sat on top of him to keep him in place. The strips of paper where to see what kind of bacteria it wasn't and how much eye fluid there was.

The dog was really well behaved though, he knows the vet is not really going to do anything harmful to him. He doesn't try to get away from him and he doesn't growl. Poor guy. I mean the dog. He does need an awful lot of petting though. He keeps coming up to me to have his ears scratched and his head rubbed. I guess he thinks he deserves that after that visit and having me put 2 kinds of ointment in his eyes.

Well, now it is officially tomorrow, I've done it again. I've stayed up past my bedtime. Hee, hee. It gives me so much joy. I really feel like I'm getting away with something. At least I'm not looking deep into a glass of alcohol and drinking myself silly and making inane remarks. There are people who do that, you know. I'm going to have to fess up to my SPN, though, that I'm spending an inordinate amount of time behind the computer again and that I'm keeping late hours too. It's better if I'm up front about that.

I'll be sensible now and go to bed. I really do have to be responsible up to a point. I can't throw all caution to the wind.

Have a terrific night and a good morning. Your award is in the post before this one.

Ciao...