Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Who's to say?

Up bright and early, as I have been for these past few days, It seems to agree with me, as I get some work done behind the computer and I get to drink my coffee and savor it and smoke my cigarettes and savor them also. In a while, I will have my tall glass of fruit juice when I take my medicines and really and truly wake up.

Right now I'm sitting in the twilight zone of the darkness before dawn by the light of my desk lamp and it is very cozy. Jesker and Toby are asleep on the blanket in a pact of brotherly love. They're both black and white and match up well. Toby and Gandhi have had their breakfast and Jesker has had his Bonzo bone, so everyone is temporarily satisfied. I put the emphasis on temporarily, because nobody permanently is. There will have to be a next round of food coming up soon.

I saw my therapist (SPN) yesterday and we had a good talk. I told her that I had made a pact with a fellow blogger that from now on I would consider myself a healthy person just like anybody else and conduct myself accordingly, even though I had some trepidations about it, but she thought it was an excellent idea and imagined me climbing on a healthy horse with my disorders as a little bit of baggage hanging off my saddle and she said that everyone has baggage, and that it is a good idea to think of myself as a regular, ordinary person just like anybody else and to not act out of my "diseased" parts anymore. It's much better to act out of the healthy parts and deal with the aspects of the disorders as they pop up.

It's nice to be understood so quickly and to get someone's blessings so completely. I think she had been trying to make this clear to me before, but I hadn't heard her, or had not been listening properly. Had not been receptive to the message, which is what happens when you're not ready and haven't reached that stage of perception yet.

So anyway, that is where its stands. I am to be a regular, healthy person from now on and behave that way too and call on the healthy parts of me to see me through a problem. Those are the parts that are so visible when I am hypomanic and so very capable of doing things with a great deal of courage and spunk and that are then not suppressed by all sorts of worries and anxieties. She said that if I was capable of it then, I should be capable of it always. It's in me to be that way.

I also had creative therapy yesterday and finished coloring a doodle I had made and I make these things without a clue as to what I'm going to do with them. They are just a way to fill in time and to keep me busy, they don't have a real purpose. I must change my tactics and do something useful there, produce something worthwhile. Maybe it is time I make collages on Tuesdays as well. All I need are some really good magazines for the images and texts. I can steal them from the smoker's room and the coffee break room. There are so many there, they won't miss one or two.

Oh, there's a thunderstorm moving in. Fun and games! It's supposed to be very warm today with rain and apparently thunder too. It will be very tropical here.

I went to the supermarket yesterday to pick up a few things and one of them was a piece of Brie. Since I've discovered it, they've raised the price to 85 cents. The cheap Camembert is never in supply anymore, so one of these days I'll have to buy the more expensive one. What is it with me and soft cheeses anyway at the moment? You'd think I had discovered a new food source. I'm going to make myself gain weight eating Brie and Camembert and vanilla yogurt, which I also can't get enough of. I must have an addiction to dairy foods. I am a true Dutch woman from the land of dairy products. Do any of you have this dairy product addiction?

Well, I think that just about does it for me. I will answer my emails next. I'm being awfully slow poky this morning.

Have a good day.



SugarCain said...

Irene, I love that idea of acting out of the healthy part of your psyche. And the horse and baggage metaphor is quite easy to visualize. So, good luck, to you and your horse.

Dave King said...

I suppose we have all done it: tried to run before we could walk. I'm doing it all the time, but in some instances the consequences are more dire. Take care.

Maureen said...

We had a terrible lightning and thunder storm the other night; 3 am and the house was alight with the storm!

Hope you can find your cheap cheese again soon ;)

Babaloo said...

Glad you had such a good session with your SPN. Good luck with your horse! :-)

Oh, and I definitely have an addiction to cheese. Cheese and crisps.

Breakfast in California said...

Enjoy your yogurt, it's good for you!