The domestic help has been here and it turned out that she had quite a story to tell of mistreatment and abuse by her partner. She is an immigrant and far away from home and her family and she is certainly being taken advantage of. All I could think was, "Run away as fast as you can!" I pretty much told her too along with many other things that are supposed to make her think sensibly about her situation.
I do not understand women who stay in situations in which they are obviously being mistreated and taken advantage of. My own immediate reaction to that is to get the hell out, but it is like they still have to convince themselves that it is really as bad as they suspect it is. They talk about it and you think, "Horror!" and they do not quite believe it themselves.
When she left, she was almost in tears and I gave her my visiting card with my contact information on it and I hope she uses it when she feels the need. I do not hate men so much for their abusive behavior, as I get angry at women for putting up with it. I think you must always save yourself and I believe there is always a way. You do not want to be the victim of your life, but the victor.
I do have to admit, though, that it took me a long time to get out of a dysfunctional relationship myself, although it was not an abusive one. I have stayed in relationships that were clearly not working and not good for me, or for my partners for that matter. I know it takes a while to see the writing on the wall, and to see a safe exit, and that sometimes it seems simpler to stay where you are. The complications of leaving can seem enormous.
That is one of my motivations for not getting into a relationship again, because I know there would come that moment when one of us would have to leave. I am not made for long term relationships. I do not attract the right partner. I attract dysfunctional people. I would rather be on my own than make that mistake again. At least with myself, I know what I have got and I like it. I like my own company.
I am glad that I have good friendships with both my ex-husbands and I appreciate them very much in that capacity. I think they are nice enough people, but I do see their less attractive sides that I would not want to live with and I do not have to. That is what I am grateful for and I bless the women who do. At least I do not have to mourn about all the water that has gone under the bridge and the milk that has been spilt.
1 comment:
I have counselled battered women and they are addicted to the abuser. It is so hard to break this hold.
However it is the emotional and mental abuse that is the worst part of it as the victim believes in her own denigration. And also there is the fact of financial dependency, particularly if there are children so where do they go? In Ireland they are throwing the victims in jail as the shelters are overloaded.
It is a complex problem and not easy to resolve.
XO
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