If you wish...

The colors for Easter are yellow and lavender, that's what people decorate their interiors with. I thought that was something you might want to know. And I have decided to make deviled eggs on Easter Sunday and to eat those all day long, so I will have a party from breakfast until I go to bed. I haven't had them in a very long time and right now I have a terrible craving for them. I hope my stomach will not be too disagreeable and allow me this simple pleasure. I will get a wonderful overdose of protein and light mayonnaise. I have 6 eggs, so I should be able to eat those in one day if I don't eat anything else. That doesn't sound like an awful lot of food, does it? I must be able to eat more than that.

The Exfactor was just here to borrow my bike. He is restoring a motorcycle and comes to town by train and uses my bike to go to the parts store. He buys things and orders them several times a week. Slowly he is making progress. When the motorcycle is done, he will use it to come to town. We had coffee and watched Tyke's antics who always makes a big deal out of the Exfactor being here and does all his stunts and other attention grabbing tricks. He's a cute dog. I was alright about the Exfactor leaving again when he did. My heart strings weren't pulled too badly. I am very stoic. He has an interesting life away from me and I don't blame him for holding on to it. He has all the things a man could wish for. Freedom, a relationship and motorcycles. Even his girlfriend rides motorcycles, so what more could he wish for? Well, maybe some men wish for fast cars and babes.

I just got a bill for my own deductible for my health care costs for this year. It is 165 Euros and I'm supposed to pay it by April the 19th. That made me laugh out loud. What a sense of humor those people have. It just kills me. I will call and make an arrangement with them to pay it off in monthly segments. You would suppose that somebody would know that people in the lowest income bracket don't have 165 Euros lying around. But no... In the new budgetary plans that were just presented by the cabinet, it is planned to increase it to 750 Euros. There was a large uproar about this, of course. It will make people go broke. It's the most loaded shoulders that carry the biggest burdens.

I'm expecting a visit from a manager of the institution that sends me the domestic help. I don't really know what she wants. Maybe she wants to know how incapable I am or how capable the help is. I can ask her for the third hour too while she is here. I haven't done any cleaning because she's coming. She'll have to take me as I am. Unorganized with full ashtrays. Well, I'll empty those. I may even organize the mail.

I don't feel good on the Welbutrin. I think it does my mood no good at all. In general it is on the low side and sometimes very low after I've just taken it. The first few hours I don't feel all that great and worry a lot. It is especially in the morning that it is bad. I just don't have the courage and the necessary happiness to face the day. The last days I go back to bed and sleep some more, but when I wake up, I feel like I have a hang over and it takes me a while to get myself together. Overall I feel sad. and not at all like I did the first 2 weeks. I wonder now if it was the absence of the other antidepressants that made me feel good the first two weeks and if after two weeks the Welbutrin really started kicking in. Or maybe I only felt pleasant side effects for the first two weeks. Who knows? I'm not a happy camper. Next week it will be 4 weeks that I am on them. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist then.

The woman from the domestic help was just here and wanted to know how I was and if the help was working out and if there were any problems. Since she asked me with such genuine concern, I told her and she is going to arrange for someone to come in twice a week and for it to be the same person. I think that's very nice and maybe now I will get clean windows, which is what I really want. I've been looking at these dirty ones long enough.

Tyke and I just shared a leftover piece of Camembert, he's hopefully wagging his tail, but it is all gone. It did taste nice, but now I'm burping. I probably had too much.

I'm going to lie down on the sofa for 5 minutes and just close my eyes for a little while. It's cold in here.

Ciao,
Nora