Thank god it's Friday! The domestic help has been here and cleaned up the place and now I get to enjoy the results all in my own company. There is something to be said for that. Being alone in a clean place is sort of like being alone in a temple without an altar, unless you count the computer desk as one. It makes you feel very peaceful and tranquil and you know that for a while everything will stay as uncluttered and clean as it is. Until you dirty that first ashtray and that first soup bowl and glass for you milk. It's almost a sin to move around in here and I do it reluctantly.
The fact that it's Friday adds some joy to my life, although I can't for the life of me figure out why it does so much. You'd think I was going on a mini vacation or something. I act like I have something wonderful to look forward to, while all it is is two empty days to do with as I please. And I will do nothing important with them at all. I will sleep late and watch a lot of television and walk the dog and be in my own company. If I'm lucky, I'll read my book.
My main goal this weekend is to find my equilibrium which I had lost this past week. I think I'm already on my way, because I'm having a relatively peaceful day today. I am aware of the fact that I'm regularly trying to find my balance and that little things influence it and that I have to readjust myself now and then. But slowly and surely I'm becoming more secure of myself and less frightened that I'll not feel stable. I do have to add that I'm finding much relief from my medication and am very much aware when it's working after I've taken it.
Right now it is the very little things in life that give me the most satisfaction. That's why I'm so happy with my clean apartment. It rained briefly just a while ago and I loved the way the air smelled afterwards. If only someone could bottle that. You would wish for your laundry to smell that way. There's a strong breeze blowing and it has cooled off the apartment by a whole degree. I'm sitting here in my warm gray cardigan with my socks on. To me that is pure bliss.
I will take a nap in a little while and enjoy the coolness of the dark bedroom under the warmth of the duvet. It will just be a little nap, but it will refresh me for the rest of the day. I find that a nap in the afternoon does me a world of good. It's mostly for the sake of my brain that I take one. It's like pushing the reset button and I always have lots of renewed energy when I wake up, although I do need a cup of coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind. It's not a perfect system, but it suits me.
I hope you're all having a good day.