Tuesday, April 07, 2009

One of two choices.

I have one of two choices. I can sit here and wait for my head to hit the keyboard while I fall asleep, or I can wake myself up properly and write a post, or at least attempt it, because my head may still topple over and hit the keyboard, unless I make myself another strong mug of Senseo, mocha flavor.

I will attempt to write a post, while I also manage to keep a cat off my lap who was just about to put her claws into my lacy leggings and we can't have that. She keeps eyeballing me, waiting to make another move, but I've got her number. I'm watching her carefully from the corner of my eyes. She's disgusted with me and has now taken up position in front of the window to watch absolutely nothing happening in the street. That's an interesting maneuver.

I've met my new psychiatrist today. That was an interesting experience, as he turned out to be a quite young man. As a matter of fact, I think I am old enough to be his mother, but let me assure you that this does not bother me at all in my assessing his ability to be a good psychiatrist for me. He is a very kind and thoughtful man and he made a more than competent impression on me and I think I will be in good hands.

So far he has only known me through the enormous variety of pills he has prescribed for me and the information he got from my SPN, so it was good that he saw me face to face and realized that I was not some drugged up blathering idiot, but just an ordinary woman with her head relatively screwed on straight. This made him feel more comfortable with my drug regime and him prescribing it for me. Through this meeting he has given my SPN the okay to make decisions about my medications, should he not be available for some reason. That means he trusts us in knowing what I need at any given moment and that is good.

I have an appointment with him by myself on June the 2nd, because he wants to keep track of how I am doing, in spite of the fact that my SPN is my main therapist. I am reassured by that, because it shows interest and concern on his part and I appreciate that.

So, now I have two young people looking out for my mental health and they are both Belgian too. And you know what? I really feel good about it. I don't have the least worry that I am not in good hands.

So, that was my big adventure for today and I do really mean that a little bit, because I was just a teeny bit worried about it. A psychiatrist is a very important person in your life and it is important that you trust that person.

My sister and I took the dogs for a walk at noon and just for a change (ha, ha) I didn't have very much to say and I wondered why that was and decided that on some days you just don't feel the need to share so much of yourself. When you think, "Why bother?" and you just keep more or less quiet and then that's okay too. At least it was for me, I don't know how it was for my sister, but she always has something to talk about, so it doesn't matter so much.

Sometimes I have a great need to be quiet and to not share everything I am thinking, contrary to the impression you may have gotten from me through this blog. I think, nobody listens very well anyway, so why bother imparting all this precious information when you could write it down better in book form and have it printed and published and hand it out as a guide of yourself to other people. That way so much wouldn't have to be said anymore. You'd say, "Here, read this and then you'll know what I'm all about and then we can be friends and have a relationship." But it's bad when you have to do that with your own sister.

So, I'm very happy being in my own company right now, that is to say, as long as I can be in your company too. You're all there in some capacity too. As my silent witnesses. Well, actually, you're not that silent. You guys make quite a ruckus at times.

Okay, I'm off to feed the dog and to walk him. It never did become a very nice day today. It was cold and windy and overcast and it rained and tomorrow we'll have the same weather. Time to pull some different clothes out of the closet. There is a seemingly endless supply.

Here are some more photographs of the Exfactor.

Have a good rest of the day, all of you.



aims said...

That is just great that you like your psychiatrist. I know how important that is. I never really liked mine and wanted to prove him wrong. (I did)

Because of how I felt about him I never went back when I really needed some help. It makes it harder when you struggle on your own.

jeannette stgermain said...

Glad you like the new psychiatrist! There must not be enough of them in Holland, for you to have 2 Belgian docs!
Didn't notice that I hadn't been at your blog for a few days - I saw a beautiful Dutch sky a few posts (days) ago. Tell the Exfactor that he takes good pics.

The Gossamer Woman said...

Aims, did you want to prove him wrong because you didn't like him? And what do you do if you need help now? Do you sit and suffer by yourself? That's not very advisable. There is good help out there. Go find it.

The Gossamer Woman said...

Jeannette, the Belgian Docs study in the Netherlands and get stuck here.

I'll give the Exfactor the message.

Did you see the Dutch sky in California?

Mean Mom said...

It sounds as if you've been very fortunate with your psychiatrist, this time and it seems that you're in good hands, now, with him and your SPN. Good!

Like the Exfactor's photos. The first one of the trees is particularly pleasing!

Frances said...

I think your strength is that despite the struggle with your health you don't bite off your nose to spite your face. I mean you don't do silly negative things just to prove an imaginary point when it would only damage you in the long run. I know how you persevered with your last psychiatrist when you were at a very low ebb and quite paranoid. You didn't let your fear and illness stop you getting the help you needed, apart from a very short time, which you snapped out of. I always remember that, Irene. You have very positive strengths and you value others and what they can do to help you even when you are tempted to go your own way and say 'The hell with them' Luckily your sanity does outweigh your illness, so you can usually fight off those demons.
Yay for a young new psychiatrist and I hope he will prove as positive an influence as that marvellous SPN who gave you such support and helped you back in from the wilderness.
The Exfactor is also gifted, Irene, he has an artist's eye and a real feeling for a picture. I love the pictures you have shown us, say thanks to him for letting us see them.

Gail said...

The best thing a nut doctor told me and it gave me quite a new perspective..."Gail, don't you know no one gives a shit?!"

That was the beginning of my healing!

Not,but it did help me lighten up alittle. I think I would like someone to talk to from now on. Just knowing they HAVE to listen is good theraphy.

John said...

be strong, you are brilliant

Have you seen this man? said...

TGW: Happy it went well for you and
yes... we are here in the ether with you as always.

The Gossamer Woman said...

Mean Mom, how I hate to call you that. Nevertheless, yes, I think I have struck gold this time with my SPN and my psychiatrist and with my other therapies as well. I am getting some place.

I let the Exfactor know every day how much his photographs are appreciated, therefor he keeps sending me more. I always like his pictures of trees the best.

The Gossamer Woman said...

Frances, thank you for your lengthy comment which describes things so well. It's good hearing it from someone else; how I function and how I did things. You can be sure I'm on the right track now.

I'll give the Exfactor the message, I'm sure he'll be happy to hear it. I have to agree with it.


The Gossamer Woman said...

Gail, having someone listen and give you feedback is a very helpful thing, I've found. Lots of people give a shit, you wonna bet?


The Gossamer Woman said...

Thank you, John, you're quite brilliant yourself.

The Gossamer Woman said...

This Man, yes, having you all in the ether with me is quite a pleasant thing. It makes me feel loved.

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