Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Almost raining.

It's been that kind of day in which it has been threatening to rain and every once in a while some splatters of rain came down from the sky, but then nothing serious happened and I never did get really wet, although I was out in it a few times, both by bike and on foot and I thought, "Oh no, my perfectly coiffed hair!" because I have put a different styling gel in it and really worked hard to make it look spiky and cool, but my hair was saved and didn't turn into one big glob of plastic like liquid mess, which would have made me look ridiculous and the butt of everyone's jokes.

I've got such incredibly cool hair now, that I keep going to the mirror to look at myself to see how cool I really am. I am not going to take a picture of it, because it may not turn out as cool as I really am and that would be disappointing, so you should really see me in person and I invite you all over to come have a look for yourself. No, I was right, I just took some pictures of myself and the startling effect of my hair is lost on them completely, so I'm not going to post any of them. Too bad.

I was in the apple and egg store the other day and they had hair coloring there and I almost bought some to make my hair blonder, but then the eczema on my head has been so bad, that I thought I had better not do it, because I assume it will burn when I apply the concoction to my hair and let it sit there for 30 minutes, so I will have to go through life with my own undetermined hair color for now. Depending on what I put in it, I have ash blond or light brown hair. I have a gray hair here and there, but they don't really show up, much to my satisfaction. I do have them in my eyebrows, but I pluck them out. Those who want to be beautiful, must suffer. That's an old Dutch saying. Very Calvinistic, don't you think?

It was determined this morning during ergo therapy that, even though I don't feel depressed, I act depressed. I don't emotionally feel the pain of depression, but physically I act like a depressed person. I don't have my shit together. I empty some ashtrays and think that is quite an achievement and sit and rest and have a cup of coffee and a cigarette. A cat barfs up a hairball and I see it and do nothing, until I can't ignore it any longer and wipe it up with a paper towel. The laundry sits in the middle of the bathroom ready to go into the washing machine for five days and I just don't do it. The dry laundry hangs on the drying rack for a week. The dust accumulates until you can write your name in it. I have a blockage.

So, today when I got home, I thought, "Sod it!" and tackled a bunch of jobs all at ones to get myself out of this slump. It's like I'm sleepwalking through life when it comes to doing my work and today I wanted to put an end to that. I wanted to wake up and not only do the pleasurable things, but tackle the less pleasant jobs as well. I have to stick to the schedule, like I've said a dozen times, and do useful things every day, so that it doesn't all become so overwhelming. My body and mind are in a laissez faire attitude, but I have to wake them up and get with the program. I have to care more.

Giving myself a kick in the rearend is the best thing I can do and having to justify myself to some people is the other thing. Next week, when I go to ergo therapy, I want to say that I have tackled the problem and that I am actively sticking to the schedule. I don't want to lie about that or evade the issue. I don't want to be my own victim.

Well, the Exfactor was here this afternoon fixing my bike, because there was something wrong with the pedals, which regularly went around without pushing the bike forward. Very frustrating, of course. The Exfactor is the mechanical man and knows how to fix those things, so I call on him for help instead of going to the very expensive bicycle repairman. It was a very funny sight watching me furiously pushing the pedals around without going anywhere, but it was dangerous when I tried to get out of the way of traffic. Especially so when my bike was loaded down with groceries. Talk about taking your life in your own hands!

I also went to the tobacco shop and got my heavy duty tobacco that was especially ordered and now I have to finish the old pot before I can start on the new packs. The tobacconist is going to order them for me every week. They are packaged differently and are just a bit cheaper than what I had been buying, which makes me feel righteous. I also buy the cheapest filter tubes there are. Everything on a budget, people. I think the Überhund is the most expensive member of the family we have.

Did I tell you how sexy I find myself in my lacy leggings and my black mini skirt? I don't know if I actually am, but when I wear them with my boots I feel like a femme fatal. I am acutely aware of the shortness of the skirt and think to myself how daring that is at my age. Maybe I'll be like Tina Turner and never grow up. I've got to go back to the apple and egg store and buy more lacy leggings. They were really cheap and they had them in different colors. I must have some green ones and some in gray. I'll go there tomorrow.

Okay, I've got to walk the Überhund, but maybe not quite because I think it is raining. He is very quietly laying here beside me, so I guess we can wait a bit.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of last year's blossoming trees along the Meusse.

Have a very terrific evening, all of you.



aims said...

I think a mini skirt at our age is daring and exciting. Because of you I'm back to wearing leggings again. I do love how they look with a longish top.

Realizing you are doing nothing is a major step Irene. Good for you. And then doing something about it even better!

Have you seen this man? said...

See. - Such strength everyday. Have a good evening. ;-)

Frances said...

sounding good - I'm glad you got back on those meds so that you have both barrels to shoot from. Doing well and feeling good about your looks, what more can we ask?
Keep well

Babaloo said...

So sorry that I've been absent for a bit. Lots of things to do, lots of things going wrong with household appliances etc. *sigh*

Good to see you're doing well and you've got a new psychiatrist who seems to have his head screwed on right.

Have to say I never wear skirts. I have exactly ONE in my wardrobe and that's a longish one. I'm a completely jeans woman, me. :)

Wisewebwoman said...

isn't that a metaphor for life though Irene: Peddling like mad and going nowhere.....ha.

Gail said...

I am so proud of you! You did it, you got in there and tackled some of the things I cannot, not tonight, maybe tomorrow or maybe this weekend, I will get around to them...or maybe not.

Anonymous said...

I think it's amazing how you are so clear about what your issues are, and then you just tackle them and are done with it! I wish I was more like that. It's so tiring to continually put everything off and then whine about it!

The Gossamer Woman said...

Aims, you would look good in a mini skirt and leggings. Remember, I've seen your pictures.

This man, you flatter me, I'm not that tough, I just act like I am. A tough broad!

The Gossamer Woman said...

Frances, thank goodness for the extra medication. II can't ask for more.

Babaloo, you probably look very nice in jeans with those long legs of yours.

Mary, it's still better than peddling and going backwards :)

The Gossamer Woman said...

Gail, I have moments of great lucidity, I just need to remember what I decided at those moments, that's the hard part.

Pinklea, my rational mind knows a lot, it sometimes neglects to inform my emotional mind, that's the tricky part, but I do my best.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful pictures, Irene. I wouldn't want to mop up a hairball either!

I think it perks us up to have a new hair do and you certainly sound a little bit more perky today.

CJ xx

Breakfast in California said...

We watched Out of Africa yesterday and, as always, Streep reminds me of you in our youth. You looked so much like her! You'll be wearing mini-skirts till you're 80!

Love the flowering trees, wish we had some here. Things are greening up a bit and we're supposed to have rain, but not much, as usual.

John said...

i love it when ya call yourself a tough best - great cherry pic (top). relatively artless week is a tough ...