Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A better day.

My ergo therapist said this morning, "You mustn't go shopping where the store is closed." Meaning that you mustn't go looking for love and affection and acceptance where you know you will not get it. When she put it like that, about the store being closed, it made it so clear to me, that those words have played in my head all day long and straightened out my thinking quite a bit. I told my SPN about it this afternoon and she said, "Oh, that's a good one, I have to add that to my repertoire."

So people, don't go shopping where the store is closed! I realized that the store had been closed for a long time and that I had still insisted on trying to do my shopping there. Well, as of today I'm not going to that store anymore. I am going somewhere else to do my shopping, in other words, I will find my love and affection and acceptance in other places where they abound.

I was completely validated this morning and not because everybody thought it was their duty to validate me, but because it came as an honest reaction from them to me and a whole theme was created around my particular problem. It had to do with giving and taking and asking and demanding and how well we did each of those things.

Under certain circumstances, I am good at taking and demanding, when I am convinced of my rights to them and I know what's good for me. Then I won't take no for an answer, but keep insisting until I get my way. Now I have to convince myself that I am worthy of love and attention and acceptance and demand them and take them and insist on them. That's a big step for me, but I will take it.

I will also carefully choose the people who I think I can expect these things from. I will not be like a foundling at the mercy of the kindness of strangers, but an active seeker of good and loyal friends. I'll lay claim to my own worth as a human being and hold it up for what it's worth and go on a search. I'll no longer be dammed and be thought of as a second class citizen who should be lucky with any bit of attention she can get, because that is how I thought of myself where the store was closed.

Well, enough of that. Let's just say that I learned a lot today, more than I thought was possible.

I am going to get ready to watch the news now and want to add the photographs that the Exfactor sent me today.

Have a great evening, all of you.



VioletSky said...

Yes, I know that feeling - you keep expecting someone to magically appear behind the locked door and open it just for you. Meanwhile, they are leaving out the back door. It is better to seek a better store window. What an interesting analogy.

Sometimes it takes a few tries to get it all sorted out in our heads. Silly us. Hope you can sleep well tonight, feeling untroubled.

VioletSky said...

I was being nosy with those photos - and looked up maretakken. I thought at first that those were nests, but it is mistletoe. Maretak that is exclusive to South Limburg! So cool.

Anonymous said...

I think that's a lesson we all have to learn, and I love the shopping analogy too - puts it in everyday terms to which everybody can relate. Glad you're almost back to being more of a tough broad!

The Gossamer Woman said...

Pinklea, yes, a tough broad who shops at stores that are open.


Maggie May said...

Glad you have got that all straightened out, Irene. I will also remember that saying too, as sometimes I expect things from people that they will never be able to give. Waste of time & energy.
Goodnight, my friend. Sleep well. X

Wisewebwoman said...

Wonderful little nugget you were handed there, Irene and thanks for sharing it.
Lovely photos, so old fashioned and rural.

Gail said...

Wow, I like that one! Don't shop where the store is closed is now in my list of personal favorites.

Nothing to do with this, but I have a favorite that has been handed down through generations. Has to do with hanging with people behaving unwisely...pardon the language here..."You play in the barnyard, you will smell like shit."

Glad you are back, armed and ready!

Have you seen this man? said...

Nice one Irene, Happy you're feeling better.
Stay strong.

aims said...

Oh Sweetie. My heart is with you. You know that.

I always think of a line in a song by Crosby Stills & Nash.

It goes - "Somebody fine will come along and make me forget about loving you."

When this eats at you - remember - they are only people with the same blood. Not friends. If they were friends you'd know it deep in your heart.

Thinking of you my dear friend.

Mean Mom said...

I've just gone back a few posts to catch up and I'm most impressed by the words of wisdom which came from your ergo therapist. I'm sorry that your family members were preoccupied and rude the last time you saw them and I'm glad that you are feeling better about the whole episode now.

Frances said...

Have been away and missed your horrible day. You are very sensitive and vulnerable at the moment and having the rug pulled out from under you was terrible. I read your posts and all the comments and your daughter really hit the nail on the head.
Don't take your sister's behaviour personally. I think your daughter is right and your sister was being defensive, her behaviour was not really about you, but about her - in that situation you are part of her and she reacted badly because her defensiveness came to the top.
So glad the Exfactr came through, what a darling that man is.
Glad your older sister was able to put things in context for you a bit.
I hope you will be able to forgive your sister because though she is sometimes silly and thoughtless, she does love you and you are a strange sort of support for each other. When you have recovered, it might be good to tell her honestly how devastated you felt. She may not really have realised.
I loved the ergo therapist's shopping analogy. We all do that, keep going back, hoping and wishing for something we are not going to find. A very clever therapist.
Hugs and cuddles from here, hope you are feeling less bruised now.
love and kisses