My ergo therapist said this morning, "You mustn't go shopping where the store is closed." Meaning that you mustn't go looking for love and affection and acceptance where you know you will not get it. When she put it like that, about the store being closed, it made it so clear to me, that those words have played in my head all day long and straightened out my thinking quite a bit. I told my SPN about it this afternoon and she said, "Oh, that's a good one, I have to add that to my repertoire."
So people, don't go shopping where the store is closed! I realized that the store had been closed for a long time and that I had still insisted on trying to do my shopping there. Well, as of today I'm not going to that store anymore. I am going somewhere else to do my shopping, in other words, I will find my love and affection and acceptance in other places where they abound.
I was completely validated this morning and not because everybody thought it was their duty to validate me, but because it came as an honest reaction from them to me and a whole theme was created around my particular problem. It had to do with giving and taking and asking and demanding and how well we did each of those things.
Under certain circumstances, I am good at taking and demanding, when I am convinced of my rights to them and I know what's good for me. Then I won't take no for an answer, but keep insisting until I get my way. Now I have to convince myself that I am worthy of love and attention and acceptance and demand them and take them and insist on them. That's a big step for me, but I will take it.
I will also carefully choose the people who I think I can expect these things from. I will not be like a foundling at the mercy of the kindness of strangers, but an active seeker of good and loyal friends. I'll lay claim to my own worth as a human being and hold it up for what it's worth and go on a search. I'll no longer be dammed and be thought of as a second class citizen who should be lucky with any bit of attention she can get, because that is how I thought of myself where the store was closed.
Well, enough of that. Let's just say that I learned a lot today, more than I thought was possible.
I am going to get ready to watch the news now and want to add the photographs that the Exfactor sent me today.
Have a great evening, all of you.