Sunday, April 05, 2009

Warmer Leggings Weather.

I've just been out to walk the Überhund and it wasn't really cold out, but not the nice day it was Friday, so I decided not to wear the lacy leggings, but the warmer ones that I've been wearing all winter. I want to save the lacy leggings for really sunny springtime days, when going bare legged is still too risky and I still want to wear my boots. At this point, I can't imagine wearing my boots with bare legs, but don't put it past me. You never now, I may be one of those cowgirls.

Speaking of boots, my toe is getting a little bit better and it now hurts only half as much as it did, which is quite an improvement. I haven't done anything to it but wear my two pairs of new boots and I think they fit well and make the toe heal better. That darn toe! Isn't it amazing how such a little digit can cause you so much discomfort? I thought at times of chopping it off, but then that seemed so drastic.

I have been sleeping so well lately. I didn't wake up this morning until 9:30 and that was only because the dog woke me as he was trying to be petted by me. My hand was hanging over the edge of the sofa and he decided that hand needed to pet him. When that hand didn't cooperate, he complained about it.

The real issue was that he wanted to eat, as both his dishes were empty, so I fed him his Butcher's and then he went into a coma for a while to digest it all. That always gives me some extra time to wake up and have enough coffee so that I can become functional and coherent.

But then again, who's to say when I really have my bright moments of the day? It's all a question of how you interpret my words and actions and they can be quite different depending on when you talk to me and how much of my medication I have had. Will the real Irene please stand up? She keeps standing up all day, but which one is the real one? I think at any given moment of the day, part of me is real, but it is never the complete picture. Maybe that is true for all of us and I am just finding that out.

I don't know about you, but I spent a long time of my life searching for the real me and it is only in these past several years that I have found her. It has been a surprising discovery, because much of what I turn out to be I like, and is completely appositive to how I had been living my life before, and that was so cramped and claustrophobic that it drove me crazy. The way I always thought I ought to live my life, turned out to be completely against my nature and I needed something completely different.

The way I thought I ought to live my life, was hammered into me by the people who raised me and by the environment I was brought up in, which was very narrow minded and bourgeois. It seemed there were no other options and I dutifully followed the expectations. Get married to a promising man, buy a washing machine and a dryer and have babies and live happily ever after, or not, but pretend that you do. Don't escape your fate!

There is nothing worse then being a round peg being forced to fit into a square hole. It just doesn't work, no matter how hard you try. You will be most miserable from being hammered on and seeing yourself fail and not finding the exit sign. Needless to say, once you do and escape, you feel like a miscreant.

Anyway, after all those years, I've figured myself out and I'm not unhappy with the outcome. It needs a little tweaking here and there, but for the most part it is okay. I could have done a lot worse. The fact that I am just a little bit eccentric is not bad, I believe everybody should be to make it an interesting world. I come with an instruction booklet, but I can tell you about it all personally, down to the smallest detail.

One thing I may never figure out, is how to have a successful relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but I think it has a very low priority on my list of things I want right now. I can think of ten things I want to do badly before I would come to that one. So, it is not a major headache. As a matter of fact, the issue is as tiny as an ant, you'd need a microscope to appreciate it. There are relationships in my life that are more important that I want to invest energy in.

Well, talk about wasting time, not that we were, but I am wasting it, but then again it is Sunday and a day of rest, although I just realized that it is the first Sunday of the month and all the shops are open. that something I can resist?

Have yourself a wonderful day. The sun has come out here for some strange reason, but I will not question it and merely accept it.

Some of the Exfactor's photographs as a treat. I have them stored in my folders.



Gail said...

Exfactor is a wonderful photographer.

Being yourself takes guts. So many of us hide behind what people think we SHOULD be and loose the real me in the process.

What is eccentric but something that is different? Be proud!!

Grit said...

we need more off-template people in the world for they make it a truly interesting place. (and i love the photo with trees in the field. now i can almost feel the wind on my face.)

Maureen said...

I'm glad you found yourself.... many people live their whole lives not being able to do that.

Anonymous said...

Hi - new reader here, and I really like your style of writing. I feel like I'm sitting at your kitchen table and chatting with you over a coffee! You sound like a very interesting, resilient woman who knows herself so well - unusual these days. I'll keep reading!

Frances said...

As long as you can accept yourself, that is all that matters.
Our society does tell us all sorts of contradictory things about who and what we should be - nearly all external - and it can be a terrible strain trying to be even one of those.
I notice more and more that there is a kind of social pretence that there is a perfect way to do or be and that we should all try hard to reach it.
Meanwhile life passes and we waste time being unhappy about ourselves and our lifestyle and relationships instead of just feeling lucky to be where we are rather than where we could be.

Mean Mom said...

Yesterday was a bit chilly here, too. We saw some sun, but it wasn't as warm as Saturday. I love the sound of your lacy leggings! It's a shame that most of us feel a certain pressure to 'conform' and live up to expectations. I've always felt 'different' to most other people. I'm glad that you are beginning to know yourself better. Lovely photos!

The Gossamer Woman said...

Gail, exactly, we hide behind what people think we should be and that is wrong. That's when we loose track of ourselves.

I am proud to be different. I assume you are too, because I know you well enough by now.


The Gossamer Woman said...

Grit, I assume you include yourself in those off-template people that make the world an interesting place. I think you are, especially with the wind in your face.


The Gossamer Woman said...

Maureen, I think I'm not the only one who found myself. I think you have done the same thing too.


The Gossamer Woman said...

Pinklea, welcome to my blog. I love new readers. Thank you for sitting at my kitchen table with me and having a chat. I hope you'll be back soon. I'll come by to visit you too.

The Gossamer Woman said...

Frances, you speak many wise words that are all true and I can tell you've given the subject some thought. I agree completely with you and hope we all come to our senses on time. To be where we are, because that's where we want to be, that's the thing.


The Gossamer Woman said...

Mean Mom, I bet in feeling different to others, you've always remained true to yourself. I think you must be a very unique person. Be proud of that.

It's good to see you around again, finally. Welcome back.


Anonymous said...

Beautiful photographs. I took some sky shots last night but these are captured perfectly.

I too have felt like chopping off toes!!

CJ xx