A heck of a Friday.

I've decided that I don't like sculpting with clay anymore. I was working on a piece and I was very unhappy with it and said so to the therapist, so she said, "No problem," and took it and the rest of the clay and dropped and pounded it into a solid block again, so that I could start something new.

That was great, but the problem is that I am not the least bit inspired and don't feel the least bit gifted and think that I will never make anything resembling a halfway decent sculpture again.

I tried to copy something and it left me extremely frustrated and I wanted to walk away from it and go home, and then I tried to use my own imagination and make something of my own and it is not working out at all and I want to take the whole thing and drop and pound it back into a solid block of clay and never look at it again as long as I live. And that's what I think I will do next week and just turn my back on it. I'm sick of it, I tell you.

So, except for the coffee break and the time before we started to work, when I sat and chatted with the other people in the happy April sun, the whole morning was a complete waste of time. I felt like a klutz with two left hands and not an ounce of talent in her body, who was manhandling the clay into abnormally shaped proportions that made no sense whatsoever and had no redeeming qualities. A kindergärtner could have done better.

So, the next time it is back to the collages and hopefully I still have the talent and inspiration to make those, though I think I have run out of creativity. It's disappeared out of me as if I am a bucket with a leak in the bottom and the bucket has run dry. I don't know if the old tricks will work anymore, but I'll give it a try. Maybe it is time to find something new, but what in the world that should be, I have no idea.

Oh yes, an altered book, I can try that. That is something I have been interested in trying for some time, though I don't know if I know enough about it to do it successfully. I may give that a try, though my resources are limited. I'll give it a good thought this week and investigate it a little bit. Lisa Sarsfield knows much about them.

After such a lousy morning, I was more than ready for my afternoon and after I walked the Überhund and fed him his Butcher's, I walked to the bus stop and caught the bus downtown. The first thing I did, was exchange the leggings I bought last week that were much to big on me and I managed to find some in various colors in the right sizes.

Since the weather was so beautiful and since it was Good Friday and a holiday for many Europeans, downtown was extremely crowded and I had to shuffle along through the crowd of people, while I made my way to the Our Dear Lady Square. When I finally got there, I had to try and find Von in the throng of people and tables and chairs, but she found me and we managed to find two empty chairs at a table along the side of the square under the canopy in the shade, which was good because the sun was hot.

After I had my obligatory cappuccino, I had a Wyckse Witte, which is a pale beer served cold with a slice of lemon and mighty tasty. It was so good, that I had a second one, but I do have to emphasize that I make them last a long time, I don't guzzle them down.

We discussed men. Is there a better subject to discuss on a lazy Friday afternoon on a café terrace with a beer in your hands? I explained to Von the type of man I would fall for, so she could be on the look out for him. I don't think he exists in this town, because I've never seen him, so I am fairly safe. She won't suddenly show up with him in her wake.

When Von went to the restroom, there was a man who asked if he could sit beside me when there were other chairs free, so that was interesting. I had to tell him that the chair was taken. That was a close one.

We walked through town to where she had parked her bike and suddenly she popped into a flower shop and came out with a bunch of yellow tulips for me. I thought that was very sweet. I have them sitting in a tall orange vase on my desk, looking very festive.

I had forgotten my house keys and had to go to my sister's house to get the spare keys and by the time I got home, the Überhund was very happy to see me, but I was beat. I made myself a mocha Senseo and rested my feet that hurt from walking on the cobblestones. My little toe was very sore and needed tender loving care.

The Exfactor had been by and dropped off a measuring cup, which I had asked for, a pack of Senseo pads decaf and a box of cookies, some of which I shared with the dog. They were a quick pick me up which I badly needed.

After I recovered sufficiently, I took the Überhund for his walk and returned the spare keys to my sister and now I vow that I will not do another strenuous thing for the rest of the day. Except for clean up some cat barf that I discovered by the coffee table and that looks like it's going to be tough to clean up. It's on the area rug and it looks orange.

The City Government had a great idea to make all the downtown street authentic and cobblestone them, but they are a pain to walk on and after a while your feet hurt, unless you wear hiking boots. Forget anything with a heel. They get stuck between the cracks. I wore my flat comfortable boots today, but still my feet hurt. Not such a good idea, huh?

I don't know how to grade this day, I give part of it a 5 and part of it a 7. It was a very mixed day and now I think I need some peace and quiet. Tomorrow I have to do some grocery shopping, not much, but enough to get me through the 2 days of Easter. By rights I should have some chocolate, but I may forgo that.

I had my camera with me, but forgot to take pictures and Eduard hasn't sent me any, so no pictures to day. I'm too lazy to go look through all the folders for some appropriate ones.

Have a great evening, we never did get the thunder showers that were promised.

Ciao...

Warmer Leggings Weather.

I've just been out to walk the Überhund and it wasn't really cold out, but not the nice day it was Friday, so I decided not to wear the lacy leggings, but the warmer ones that I've been wearing all winter. I want to save the lacy leggings for really sunny springtime days, when going bare legged is still too risky and I still want to wear my boots. At this point, I can't imagine wearing my boots with bare legs, but don't put it past me. You never now, I may be one of those cowgirls.

Speaking of boots, my toe is getting a little bit better and it now hurts only half as much as it did, which is quite an improvement. I haven't done anything to it but wear my two pairs of new boots and I think they fit well and make the toe heal better. That darn toe! Isn't it amazing how such a little digit can cause you so much discomfort? I thought at times of chopping it off, but then that seemed so drastic.

I have been sleeping so well lately. I didn't wake up this morning until 9:30 and that was only because the dog woke me as he was trying to be petted by me. My hand was hanging over the edge of the sofa and he decided that hand needed to pet him. When that hand didn't cooperate, he complained about it.

The real issue was that he wanted to eat, as both his dishes were empty, so I fed him his Butcher's and then he went into a coma for a while to digest it all. That always gives me some extra time to wake up and have enough coffee so that I can become functional and coherent.

But then again, who's to say when I really have my bright moments of the day? It's all a question of how you interpret my words and actions and they can be quite different depending on when you talk to me and how much of my medication I have had. Will the real Irene please stand up? She keeps standing up all day, but which one is the real one? I think at any given moment of the day, part of me is real, but it is never the complete picture. Maybe that is true for all of us and I am just finding that out.

I don't know about you, but I spent a long time of my life searching for the real me and it is only in these past several years that I have found her. It has been a surprising discovery, because much of what I turn out to be I like, and is completely appositive to how I had been living my life before, and that was so cramped and claustrophobic that it drove me crazy. The way I always thought I ought to live my life, turned out to be completely against my nature and I needed something completely different.

The way I thought I ought to live my life, was hammered into me by the people who raised me and by the environment I was brought up in, which was very narrow minded and bourgeois. It seemed there were no other options and I dutifully followed the expectations. Get married to a promising man, buy a washing machine and a dryer and have babies and live happily ever after, or not, but pretend that you do. Don't escape your fate!

There is nothing worse then being a round peg being forced to fit into a square hole. It just doesn't work, no matter how hard you try. You will be most miserable from being hammered on and seeing yourself fail and not finding the exit sign. Needless to say, once you do and escape, you feel like a miscreant.

Anyway, after all those years, I've figured myself out and I'm not unhappy with the outcome. It needs a little tweaking here and there, but for the most part it is okay. I could have done a lot worse. The fact that I am just a little bit eccentric is not bad, I believe everybody should be to make it an interesting world. I come with an instruction booklet, but I can tell you about it all personally, down to the smallest detail.

One thing I may never figure out, is how to have a successful relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but I think it has a very low priority on my list of things I want right now. I can think of ten things I want to do badly before I would come to that one. So, it is not a major headache. As a matter of fact, the issue is as tiny as an ant, you'd need a microscope to appreciate it. There are relationships in my life that are more important that I want to invest energy in.

Well, talk about wasting time, not that we were, but I am wasting it, but then again it is Sunday and a day of rest, although I just realized that it is the first Sunday of the month and all the shops are open. Mmm...is that something I can resist?

Have yourself a wonderful day. The sun has come out here for some strange reason, but I will not question it and merely accept it.

Some of the Exfactor's photographs as a treat. I have them stored in my folders.





Ciao...