If and only if...

I'm sitting here with my second cup of coffee, desperately trying to get into a good mood. I know I can do it because I'm stubborn enough for it. I will not be held back by a grumpy mood, especially not when I'm the one who most suffers from it. There's no one here to share the effects of it with me, much as I'd like a comforting arm around my shoulders. Or someone to help me analyze the cause of my mood. I have to do that all on my own and it does get tiresome. 

I took a nap this afternoon and I woke up in a good enough mood. I felt kindhearted when I just got up and I turned on the computer without giving it much thought. I made a pot of coffee and answered some emails. Within the shortest amount of time I was as grumpy as I can be and I didn't feel like being kind anymore at all. I've noticed that sitting behind the computer very often has that effect on me, yet I do it automatically anyway. You'd think I'd know enough to stay away from it. 

I think that maybe sitting behind the computer isn't nearly the complete therapeutic activity that we think it is. As a matter of fact, maybe it is highly frustrating to be constantly confronted with it and your social contacts. It makes you feel like you always have to be good and kind and on your best behavior when in fact you sometimes just aren't and don't want to be. It's as though you really don't have any private time behind your own computer, as though there's always social pressure there too. 

When you add the social pressure of sitting behind the computer to the social pressure you feel in real life, it gets to be too much. There's no escape anymore. There's no safe place to go to. 

That's my immediate analysis. It's the one that is the most obvious. I'm curious the find out who else feels stress behind the computer. Maybe we should allow people more of an opportunity to be grumpy in private and not always expect them to be kind and polite. 

Have a nice day, or not. It's up to you. 

Ciao,

Nora

Cutting Class.

The alarm clock woke me at eight AM this morning, which is really a good sign, because it means I'm sleeping well and would probably sleep even later if I could.As it turns out, I think the bed is a much better place for me to sleep in than the sofa was to sleep on, as I am really more comfortable and sleep deeper and steadier and don't wake up with aches and pains.

Nouri keeps me company by laying right beside my pillows and there is always at least one other cat laying on top of me. The Überhund sleeps on his pillow beside the bed. It's all very cozy and you see that the animals do like your company and seek it out.

So, after I got up, I did my slow waking up routine, which includes petting the dog while he sits between my legs and goes into ecstasy, because he loves to have his ears scratched. Then he barked at me, because he wanted to eat. It was his eating bark, which is high pitched and kind of urgent.

I made cigarettes, a whole pack full, and had another coffee and then got dressed and walked the dog in the rain and got very wet. Considering I had to get on my bike and go to the clinic, this did not make me very happy and I wished for it to stop raining, which it did not.

I gathered my things together and was ten minutes away from leaving, when I decided not to go, and it was only partially due to the weather. I suddenly chickened out and thought that I would feel more comfortable if I met the new therapist first and investigate the new work space, so I would not suddenly find myself in a strange place with a new therapist whom I did not know.

Somehow, this way of thinking seemed logical to me and it gave me a way out and I realized that I had been feeling a bit of pressure about it all that I was ignoring. I'm really not a very brave person and imagine all sorts of uncomfortable scenarios in my head before I have to start a new venture. I'd rather make sure everything is safe ahead of time and soothe my own mind.

This left me perfectly nicely dressed and made up unexpectedly at home, so I gave myself some computer time, but I will follow it up with house cleaning time. I think I will finally vacuum the living room, because it's been ages since that's been done, and I will hang up laundry to dry and I will dust. Then I will do whatever other kind of job I have the energy and motivation for, I will make many dents in an otherwise seemingly impossible task.

My sister just called to tell me that she got a terrible case of the stomach flu at both ends for two hours straight and that she now feels completely washed up and weak. It almost sounds like food poisoning, but she has not eaten anything out of the ordinary and no one else is sick. She was supposed to go to work today too. Poor thing.

I think I will start my work in the kitchen and get that area cleaned up first. I do have some dishes to do and some sweeping to do as well. Somehow I always feel better if the kitchen is under control. Then I have a clean base to work from. The cats won't like me dragging out the vacuum cleaner, but it can't be helped. It must be done. Especially the furniture needs a good cleaning.





Well, wish me luck and a lot of muscle power and endurance. Hopefully I'll get far today.

Ciao...

P.S. A tag from my friend Von, they're the latest in compliments to collect in dating sites, as I understand it.