Saturday, February 04, 2012

For no reason at all...

For no reason that I can think of I'm very happy right now. This comes after having been somewhat down in the dumps all day, although that gives the impression that I was depressed and I wasn't that. Let's just say that my grumpy mood from yesterday wasn't over yet. I'm like a bear disturbed in her winter sleep and all I want to do is hibernate until springtime. I think that is the proper description for me lately. 

But this minute I feel good. I actually feel like I'm in a proper enough mood to feel some optimism and to not look at the day as one long dreary stretch of time that needs to get through somehow in the best possible way. That sounds torturous, doesn't it? And it is. I'm not enjoying that at all. 

You should see me try to get through the day in my own convoluted way. I'm like a circus lion jumping through hoops and will do anything to make the day go by as quickly as possible. I'm hopelessly short of imagination, though, and I fail in making it as amusing as I can. I can only think of the most boring and the least painful ways to manage. But I do make it in the end anyway and that is the most important thing. 

I guess that's why I'm so relieved at the end of the day when I feel like I've completed another gargantuan task. No wonder that it makes me feel so happy. All I have to do is make it through the short evening and go to bed. The night is easy enough to get through. And really, once I have my pajamas and bathrobe on, I feel that anything is easier. It's the same as wearing lounge wear and being dismissed from the job. It's like being on vacation. 

Oh yes, I started on the lower dose nicotine patches today and don't notice one bit of difference. The packaging was the same but the patches are smaller. I wondered how they were going to deal with that. What an ingenious solution. I will be on this dose for a week and then I move on to step 3. I suppose those patches will be even smaller. That will be the last step and then I will be without and on my own. I'll be ready for it. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening and that you won't be bored jumping through your own hoops. 



Wisewebwoman said...

I suppose at one point we did hibernate I know I love staying home in the winter-time and look forward to the evenings when my own expectations of myself can be terminated. :)

aims said...

Just dropping by to thank you for telling me to quit my whining and get on with it!

Since that time I've barely blogged, probably as I didn't want to whine, but also for many more reasons than high blood pressure. I don't have that anymore - it was very much related to staff at my brother's and the stress they were causing, along with the Porphyria, Lupus, and Fibermyalgia.

They didn't discover those things until some months later and I really didn't know what was going on at that time.

I'll tell you though - your words at first felt like a slap in the face but I finally accepted them as a dash of cold water instead.

Anyway - good job on the smoking part of your life. It's a major step to have taken and I'm glad it is going well for you.

The grumpiness you speak of could be related to the lessening of the nicotine - just something to look into perhaps.

I hope the rest of your life is on an even keel as well.

Breakfast in California said...

Hi, I've been hearing about the dreadful snows and cold over there, and I hope you are not bothered with it all. Good luck with your non-tobacco-ness, you will feel so much better and will save $$$$ too!