Feeling better...

I've been in the most god awful mood for the past three days, but this afternoon I got smart and took an extra pill and since then I've started feeling a lot better. I was about to call my psychiatrist or the crisis line because I was feeling so bad. I was being my own worst enemy and thought that everyone and everything else was too. How terribly frustrating that was, and so exhausting too. 

Now I feel like I am more myself again and that I'm capable of handling life as it happens. As long as nothing too complicated comes along, I should be okay. Luckily, the day is almost over and I don't expect anything out of the ordinary to happen. The evening should be pretty predictable and there is even going to be a thriller on TV. 

I've already walked the dog in the coolness of the late afternoon. It wasn't very warm today and it even looked like it was going to rain. That's how overcast and gloomy the sky got. Still, I only needed to wear my cardigan and I wasn't in the least uncomfortable. 

Tomorrow we're going to have some showers, but we've been having a lot of those lately and it's nothing new. Actually, we're all getting a little tired of them. I think we're all in need of more sunshine than we are getting now and many people are changing their minds and are booking last minute holidays to Spain anyway. 

You'd have to pay me a lot of money to get me to go there and sit on the beach with all those other sunburned bodies. That's not my idea of a perfect vacation. I do dislike crowds and would hate to hang out on the beach at the Costas or in a swimming pool at some overpopulated hotel. I would rather go to the countryside and to museums and churches and small towns in Italy, for instance. 

I can't go on vacation at all due to lack of money, but in my head and imagination I travel a lot. I've already been to a lot of places in the past, so I can remember them. I do have that. I don't know if I will ever travel again in the future, but I always have the vague assumption that I will. Maybe I will win the lottery one day.

It's nice if you don't confront reality too hard and leave something to the imagination, otherwise you get so desperate. It's better not to get too super realistic about things and leave them a little bit vague and not too sharply outlined in your mind. You always want to have a little bit of hope. 

I choose not to think too intently about the future. I like to leave it a little bit unknown and unclear, although I must say that at this rate it's pretty much predictable. The future is practically written out for me and I expect no real surprises. 

I get the distinct impression that the dog wants to go out again. He is sitting here beside me very impatiently. I think I'd better pay attention to his needs. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Imaginary skirmishes...

I'm really going to try and write a post for this blog now because it's been a while since I've done that. I never seem to get around to it anymore, although it used to be my habit after I took a nap in the afternoon. My naps have become longer, or I have been taking them later. Either way, I don't get around to writing posts and end up in front of the TV watching the news instead. 

Today I'm really late, so it doesn't matter what I do now. My schedule is completely turned upside down, but I don't mind because it's Friday. I ate lunch late so I'm still full and I don't need to eat anything for a long while because it was a big lunch by my standards. I may never eat again. Maybe that's what accounts for my big nap. It was my very full stomach. 

Now that I fit in size 12 hip hugging, skinny jeans, I really want to lose the rest of my weight. I'm very motivated and I don't want any unnecessary food to pass my lips. I have love handles that I want to get rid off and a couple of tops that I really want to wear, but that are too tight. I would look ridiculous in them, so they're laying on a stack waiting for me to fit into them. I tell myself that with enough persistence, I will. 

I can be as stubborn as the next person and once I have an idea in my head, it's hard to change my mind about it. I'm visualizing a skinny person and that's what I'll be.

I'm having a wonderful cup of coffee and am thinking about a glass of milk. I think I will stick to coffee because I need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I still have to walk the dog and I have the feeling that he's not going to be happy with a short walk. 

At least it doesn't look like it's going to rain like it did earlier when the sky was so threatening and dark gray. It's not at all warm outside, but that's okay with me. I can just put on my favorite jacket. My black leather one...the one that's getting too big on me.

*

The dog became impatient and I had to take him for a walk. It turned out that some rainclouds had moved in, unbeknown to me, and we didn't go for a long walk after all. I did let him sniff extensively all over the place as long as we weren't too far from home. He took his time doing that and smelled every blade of grass and every bush. He's now very happily chowing down on his kibbles which he had ignored before.

I'm having another cup of coffee and am not worrying about the rest of the evening. Time is going by quickly and half of the evening has already sped by. I will watch some TV later on, but tonight there's no thriller on despite the network's promise that there would be every evening. You can't believe anyone nowadays. Every night does not apparently mean, every night. 

I've had to turn the lights on already in the living room, it was so gloomy. Today may be the first of July, but the weather certainly isn't acting like it. A little bit of sunshine would be okay.

I hope you all have a good evening. I'm making the best of mine. 

Ciao,

Nora

I'm not giving up yet.

After fooling around with the templates, I haven't gone to bed yet. I'm as wide awake as I was before. I don't know what's to become of me at this rate. I'm sure I'm in for some sort of trouble. It's normal that people get tired eventually and go to sleep, but I seem not to be bothered by that. I wish I got good and tired and that I  was so sleepy that I could hardly keep my eyes open, but that's not the way it is.I'm doomed to be alert and awake.

I have to pass the time and at this time of the morning I know of only one way to do it and that is to sit behind the computer and blog. It hardly seems to matter that I have hardly anything to say. It seems that any kind of nonsense will do. At least, it seems that way to me. You may feel differently about that. I'm sure you'd like to read something entertaining.

The cat walked in a little while ago with a bird in her mouth. I was able to rescue it and it seemed pretty much intact. I released it outside and I hope it makes its escape and isn't caught again. The cat stayed inside for a while and was somewhat stunned that I'd taken the bird away from her, but she went outside a while ago. I fear for the worst. I just hope that she doesn't bring it inside again.

The dog was very interested in the proceedings and followed me outside when I released the bird, but in the darkness he couldn't see where it landed. He did search for it, but I got him back inside. It's always something with those animals. They are not kind to their fellow creatures, at least not to those in the wild.

That was enough of an adventure for this morning. I don't want any more little creatures inside. The early birds were chirping so cheerfully too. Then that murderous cat had to come along.

I've been drinking milk for a long while now and have just taken my medicines. Maybe they will make me tired. Very often they do. They and the milk seem to settle me down anyway.

At least today is Saturday and a weekend day. All I have to do is fold the dry laundry and do the dishes. There's a big stack of them. You all know that it's my favorite chore. I'll have to go through the apartment and pick up dog hair too. It's floating around. The place really does need to be vacuumed twice a week.

I've started to yawn. I think this is a sign to go to bed and this time I'm serious. I will not fool around any longer.

Have a great weekend.

Ciao,
Nora

Those rotten chores...

I've done my chores and the washing machine is churning away so I don't have to feel bad about sitting here and taking the time to write this. I've even done my administration and ordered new food for the dog on line. Yes, I have done my duties and didn't have a nervous breakdown. 

I only was in danger of having one for half a minute and then I dared it to. I faced it head on and decided it wasn't going to get to me. That I was stronger than it and that I was not in need of a tranquilizer simply because I had a number of stressful activities to take care of. 

I proved to be right. Opening the mail and facing possible bad news was not half as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was what it was, unpleasant. They wanted my money. I dislike that intensely, but it doesn't help if I have a breakdown over it.

In my spare moments I watched tennis at Roland Garros. There were some Dutch people playing and they needed my attention, not that it helped. We don't do all that great, not when faced with formidable opponents like Kim Klijsters and Marty Fish. It was fun to watch anyway and they were nice moments to have a cup of coffee and a cigarette.

I couldn't finish watching any of the matches, so I don't know how they ended. I had to do my chores and walk the dog in the windy day. There are rain clouds, but no rain has fallen out of them yet.

The dog had been stealing the potholders off their hook in the kitchen and playing with them. They had drool all over them and they're in the washing machine now. He has also been stealing the magnetic little animals off the refrigerator and I found them throughout the apartment. I put them up high, but he still got to them. 

It's a completely new activity for him that he's just discovered. Stealing things from the kitchen. I suppose that up till now, it was just a place to go eat and he hadn't really explored it properly. I guess next will be the dishtowels. I've got to go to the pet shop and buy him some new indestructible toys. He wrecked his rubber rabbit to the point that I had to toss it out. 

He really enjoyed tearing that rabbit apart and it took him a long time. It was worth the price I paid for it. I may get one like it again. It was the best toy we've had so far. 

I've got to put away the dishes and hang up the clean laundry. I'm glad the day is almost over. I have to walk the dog one more time and then I'm going to put on clean pajamas and vegetate in front of the television. I may even read my book. It will be an evening spent leisurely with the minimum amount of activity. 

You wouldn't have thought that officially this was my day off. I had no appointments today and nobody coming over. 

I hope you're all having a good day with the kind of weather you most want. 

Ciao,

Nora

 

Trying to go to sleep...

I've been on my way to bed now for a while, but I'm unsuccessful in getting there. I think I must not be properly sleepy yet, so I am foiled in my attempts. I even took my sleep medication, but it hasn't worked one bit. I am wide awake. I am going to try again as soon as I've written this post because I do want to stick to some kind of normal schedule. I don't want to upset the applecart. 

I slept late this morning and had a heck of a time getting out of bed. I finally got up because my knee was hurting me. I had to straighten out my leg and that was enough motivation to get up. It took me several cups of coffee to become lucid. All I did was sit in my armchair and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes while I waited to become a functioning human being.

Actually, it didn't take all that long. I was one within half an hour, but I like to exaggerate. I also like to drag out the waking up moment as long as I can. I'd rather not do anything right away if I can help it. 

There does come a time when I can't postpone it and I have to get dressed and walk the dog. I found some appropriate clothes to wear and set out with him in the noontime clouded sunshine. The clothes I wore were warm enough for the stiff wind that was blowing gray clouds across the sky and it looked like it was going to rain, but then it actually never did all day. 

The wind blew so hard that it almost ruined my hairdo, even though I had hair sprayed it. Later on in the afternoon, when I rode my bike to my sister's house, I got very much out of breath from pedaling into it and even worse so on the way home. It felt like I was at the sea with a good storm blowing in my face. 

Luckily, in my sister's garden we were somewhat sheltered, though it wasn't as warm as it usually is and we couldn't really sit out there with bare arms. We certainly didn't get a tan because there were too many clouds covering the sun all the time. It would have been good if it had at least rained because the garden needed it, but not a drop fell from the heavens. 

I had two cappuccinos and a cold beer and a piece of chocolate with nuts in it. That's about as decadent as I could get and it did fill me up. The beer was very refreshing and I drank it with a lot of taste. It always takes a while before I can eat dinner after that and I ended up eating my soup late and sharing it with the dog. I haven't even had dessert yet, but I figured that I didn't need it after that piece of chocolate. 

This morning I went on the bathroom scale and much to my surprise, I had lost another kilo. I wasn't really expecting that and was thrilled about it. It motivates me to keep trying and to not grab something extra to eat when it's not necessary. I don't need to eat snacks really. I haven't gotten more of those cheese crackers either and now just have the plain crackers again. They're a lot healthier and less addictive. The cheese crackers were loaded with salt. 

Well, it's time for me to try and go to sleep now. I will start the ritual all over again. I think I'm sleepy enough this time. I'm longing for bed anyway.

I hope you'll all have a good night or that you're still having a good Sunday. Mine was good enough. I'm not ready for it to be Monday. Blagh! 

Ciao,

Nora

 

Wildlife...

I woke up from my nap having dreamed that I was a very frustrated chicken because I didn't have any hands. It was an awful feeling to only have wings and no fingers to pick things up with. I still had that feeling when I woke up and it was pretty terrible. It took a few seconds for it to dissipate. 

No doubt it had to do with the fact that before I took a nap, I had to remove a dead bird from the shower stall. It had been left there by the cat and luckily, the dog had shown no interest in it whatsoever. 

I had a good look at it because you don't get to have a close look at a wild bird that often. It was intact and had no insides hanging out. It looked like it was asleep and therefor I had been a little reluctant at first to pick it up. It was just an ordinary bird for which I don't know the English name. It was an adult and I'm surprised that the cat got a hold of it. She's normally not that great a hunter of birds. 

I threw it in the green bin and figured it will properly decompose there. I didn't know what else to do with it either. I knew I had to keep it out of the cat's reach. I didn't want her to drag it back inside and demolish it and get feathers all over the place like one of my other cats did one time. That was a real mess to clean up.

I hope no chicks go hungry now that the mother bird is dead. That's another worry. My cat's a killer cat. I wouldn't have thought it possible after all those mice. Maybe her skills have improved now that she's the only cat here. Although the male cat wasn't much of a hunter. 

Anyway, being a chicken without any hands isn't much fun and I wonder if chickens experience it as such? I hope they're not aware of their loss and go through life oblivious of it. They can only pick and scratch. It's like having your arms bound to your body. All you can do is hopelessly flutter when you get a little bit of room. 

*

I'm wearing a skimpy sun dress that was too small on me when I bought it and that now fits. I have another one in a different print in the same size. I will try that one on next. Isn't it wonderful when clothes appear in your closet that turn out to fit you? I must have closer looks in my closet more often.

It's been a nice day with good weather. Tomorrow we may have some rain, but the temperature will be nice. I'll believe the rain when I see it. We've been promised it often enough. 

Have a good day all of you. Enjoy your Saturday. 

Ciao,

Nora