Monday, May 04, 2009

Happiness.


As of Sunday last week, after that long nap in the afternoon, I started coming out of my depression and climbed the hill back to the top until I got there. As of this morning, when I woke up at 5:30 am, I am standing on the highest peak and looking at the world all around me and finding much happiness in it. I am alive again. I speak, I laugh, I am animated, I am interested, I am full of fun, I am wonderfully present and I could go on and tell you how good I feel, but you'll have to take my word for it.

It's a most precious and exciting thing to be this alive. Everything about me seems to shine and I feel like a new person in a new skin with a new outlook. I could embrace the world and let everybody know how happy I am with them. Well, I do my best to convey that message and I radiate positivism and it bounces back to me. You are a mirror to the world and what people see in you gets reflected back to you. People cheer up, because I'm cheered up. I actually have conversations with people, because I am awake and alert and on the ball.

So, I had a very early morning to start with and that suited me just fine, because I was alert from the start and didn't sit around trying to figure out who I was and what day it was. I very cheerfully made myself a mug of coffee and even got a little bit of computer time in, which was a nice way to waste an hour or so. And then I very quickly got dressed and while I was doing so, at eight am, my upstairs neighbor rang the doorbell and wanted to spend a whole hour with me while she waited for her taxi. Well, of course I wasn't about to, so I told her that I was getting ready and that I would be leaving soon. Can you imagine, at eight am?

I finished getting ready and walked the dog and hopped on my bike in the sunshine and got to the clinic early, where I sat on the deck with an espresso and had a lovely conversation with a man who is in two of my creative classes, but who I never had a good talk with. So that was nice and let me tell you, first impressions don't mean a thing, because that man is ever so nice and I didn't think he was when I first met him. He is ever so much smarter and interesting than he gave the first impression of.

Pretty soon the rest of the people started showing up and it got busy on the deck and there was a lot of joking around going on. Joviality all over the place, at least that's how I experienced it. I am seeing everything through rose tinted glasses, so my view of the world is very benign. I am like the kindly mother looking with great fondness at all her dear children.

I hollowed out my sculpture that I made last Friday and got as much clay out of it as I could without ruining it, Then I had a long hard look at the picture of the next sculpture I was going to make and tried to figure out all the different shapes and angles and what was there that I couldn't see. I was gathering my courage and then got a big block of clay and thought, "Oh my God, where do I start?" Well, you dig in at one point and just start with one section and hope for the best. Slowly things begin to make sense after you've made all kinds of mistakes that you correct along the way. Clay is very forgiving that way.

Soon it was break time and we all took our coffees into the stinking smoker's room and because we were all women we talked about boobs and diets and bums, which was cause for great hilarity, because some of us had too much of them and some of us not enough. There was only one person there with a nearly perfect figure and she wouldn't have believed it if you had told her.

Then it was back to the clay again and we worked like regular artists, with high concentration and hardly a word between us, except to say help if we got stuck. The morning goes by too quickly and before you know it, it is time to clean up and get all the clay dust of your clothes.

I pedaled my bike home very merrily, although it looked like it was going to rain, but that never manifested itself. I came home and fed the Überhund and took him for a walk, wearing a jacket against the chill wind. It's cooled of quite a bit now and it's not very warm outside and it is overcast. I'm wearing an extra cardigan, because I have the windows open on a crack to air the apartment.

The Exfactor was here for 15 minutes having a cup of coffee and he is going to pick up Nouri on Thursday or Friday afternoon and take her home with him. Officially he is not supposed to have any pets, but since he has all linoleum, he is going to take a chance and see if he can get away with it. I'll be glad when she's gone, because I can't live with the pressure of her doing her business in the neighbor's flowerbed. The Exfactor has already informed the neighbor.

There are many birds chirping outside and I wonder if that has to do with the change in the weather. Of course, it sounds like they are making many happy sounds, but maybe they are saying, "Hey, get in your nest, it's going to rain." Or, "There will be nice rain worms out in a while."

I've made a change to my other blog. I no longer show different images with a randomly generated title there. I now show Altered Images and that is the name of the blog too. So far, I have altered the Exfactor's images, because I have so many of them, but I will do my own too. You can go there here. I hope you enjoy them and notice the difference between the originals. I will do one a day. Bookmark this page.

I looked especially spiffy today with my gray toned empress dress and my gray leggings and my gray bolero, all just different shades of gray with a green necklace. I got complimented on it by a good dresser herself. It does my heart good. Ton sur ton. It works if you do it right.

Here are some pictures I just took:





Have a super splendid rest of the day with sugar on top and whipped cream on the side.

Ciao...

8 comments:

Maggie May said...

Glad you had a good day, sculpting and chatting at your class.
Glad you are out of depression. Hope you stay in that place.
Nouri has gone then? He will miss the others? Hope the Exfactor gets away with it in his flat.

I have been on holiday, (May Day) and spent much time gardening.
Have a good night, Irene X

aims said...

What a difference in you my dear friend.

I'm so happy! I'm just getting ready to go out myself and you've put a smile on my face.

And visitors at 8am? What is she (not) thinking???

Frances said...

Yay - you did it. You found something non-confrontational to say - well done you. Good to hear you are on the up now. Excellent, it has been a while and I hope you will have a nice long up time within your own bounds with no extremes for AGES
Hope the cat and the linoleum works out and that the Exfactor doesn't get into trouble over a pet.
Hugs
xxxx

Suessigkeit said...

I bought beautiful, butterfly attracting flowers in honor of you today. They are a small Lantana variety called "Irene". I will email you a few photos I took...very very pretty. :-) I've also planted a bunch of Nasturtiums of the Alaska variety....in honor of Brion, of course. When those blooms I'll email you some photos... :-)

Love you, your kiddo

PS: Planning to call you today or tomorrow...hope you have time to chat!

jeannette stgermain said...

That moment of panic with a square block of clay will eventually disappear and change into anticipation and thoughts of happiness that you can make something new:)

pinklea said...

What an amazing day! Your whole perception just changed, didn't it - wow! (But I still can't quite comprehend how someone could be so energetic and cheery when they woke up at 5:30 am - and they didn't HAVE to get up then! I am emphatically NOT a morning person!)

Have you seen this man? said...

Hey Irene,
Sounds like you are doing great and having fun! Long may it continue!

Tessa said...

OOOOH look! It's her! Wow, Irene, she looks so....so...elegant in that frame. And you, too, sound elegant and beautiful and happy today. How exceptionally good that is to hear.