Wednesday, Funday.

I am going to start writing this post now, but doubtlessly I will be interrupted by the Überhund who will want to go for a walk, because he just had his dinner, and then I'll have to go by my sister's house to pick up the mail and feed the fish and set that god awful alarm, which I assume I'm doing right. Nobody has broken in yet, thank goodness, but as far as I'm concerned, that's sheer luck. You see that I have very little faith in myself and the alarm.

Because I went to bed so awfully late last night, I crashed immediately the moment my head hit the pillow and I had a hard time reacting to the alarm clock this morning at 7 am. My tendency is to ignore it at first, but that is hard to do when it is so insistent, so I do have to get up out of bed to shut it off. Therefor my desire to get a friendlier alarm clock with birdsong or cows mooing. Even goats bleating would be alright, but birdsong would be the best.

Despite my good intention to make cigarettes the moment I had my first mug of coffee, that didn't quite work out that way for the first half hour. I just sat in a slightly comatose attitude at first and thought about how long I would need to get into action. But then the caffeine kicked in and I went to work and made a whole pack full and some extras.

By then I was ready to get dressed and respike my hair, which had gotten flat on one side from sleeping on it. Short hair really isn't that easy to take care of, at least not if you want to look like me. I could wash it every day, but that's almost too much work.

Then I do the magic things with the make up, otherwise my face looks so naked and I have no eyelashes and eyebrows, because they are blond, and when I'm done I have a very satisfactory look at myself and think, "Mmm, not bad." You have to keep believing in yourself, otherwise you won't leave the house anymore. I only have a good look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I avoid looking in all other mirrors during the rest of the day. They all make you look worse than you really are.

I was afraid that my neighbor was gong to show up again and ask me for more tobacco, but I already know what I am going to say if she does. The answer is going to be no. I don't have any more money than she has and I'm not going to pay for her habit. Luckily, she didn't show up, but the day isn't over yet.

We had a new person in ergo therapy today and we also had to do an exercise. We had had to split up in pairs and sit across from each other with a large sheet of paper between us and each of us had a pastel crayon in a different color. I was coupled with the new woman.

In the first exercise, the paper was blank and you just had to have sort of a meeting with each other. I very boldly set my strokes across most of the paper in an elegant way, hoping she would follow my example and do the same, but she stuck to her side of the paper and would not move from there, not even when I invaded that space with my color a little bit.

In the second exercise, the paper was drawn in to three sections to see what you would do with your own section and the middle one. I completely ignored the separating lines and drew bold lines again over most of the paper, and again this woman stayed in her own little space.

In the third exercise, a line was drawn halfway across the paper and I wrote on it, "Why don't you come into my space?" But she ignored it and made a very little frustrated scribble on her half of the paper while I drew all over the place.

Apparently, we were mismatched. When we talked about it afterwards, the woman said that she felt very angry that I had so boldly invaded her space and that she didn't like people to do that, because she figured that people always wanted something from her and would not let her be, right at a time when she was trying to figure out who she was.

Of course, this is totally opposite to where I am coming from, because my attitude is, "Watch out, here I am!" Kind of like jumping on the stage that I was talking about in the other post. It seemed so simple to me to take the crayon and move it up on the paper in one fell swoop, but I guess it isn't if you don't know your boundaries.

I don't know if I want to be paired up with her again, because now my attitude will be different and I don't like that. I want to do what I want to do and not do something because I feel sorry for her, because then she'll never learn. I want her to be bold and draw all over the paper.

Dance!!! We did the thing with out hips again and then we had to move around the room and take different steps and swing our hips around while keeping the rhythm and the movement
going and it was very difficult. At one point, I was completely lost and making the oddest movements, but not the right ones and leaning over to the left. That meant I had to stop and shake myself loose and start all over again from scratch. For some reason, it was more difficult this week than it was last week and it made me sore from the effort. I was probably trying too hard.

Tomorrow I have music therapy and relaxation exercises. I'm looking forward to the music therapy, I like to make a lot of noise with drums and such. The more synchronized noise, the better. I don't know yet what to think about the relaxation exercises. I hope I have enough patience for them.

Now I must put my pajamas on, because I feel a major sleep attack about to hit me hard. I'll probably sleep through the evening news and miss all the hype about the Mexican Flu and the economic crisis.

The Überhund has been walked in the meantime and my sister's house was not burglarized. She sure gets a lot of mail, though.

Goodnight, kiddies. It's been a long day out on the prairie and now I'm going to the bunkhouse.

Ciao...