Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Just one more.
As is usual, I have already had a good sleep on the sofa for a few hours, which were very pleasant and out of which I woke up in a good mood for a change. No grumpiness around anywhere as far as I can see. I took my nighttime medication and am now waiting for that to start working before I go to bed. I hope I make it to bed and that I am not forced to park my body on the sofa again, like I did early this morning, although that was pleasant enough too.
I have read all of your comments on the photographs I posted and appreciate them a lot. I will do that again some day. I will walk around the apartment again and take more pictures of intimate details. No, not of my underwear drawer, although things are fairly neatly arranged in there.
My appointment with my SPN went well. We are not lowering my antipsychotic medication yet, because she thinks I'm just plain worn out from all the intensity I went through after not having used my sleeping pills for such a long time. She said it is no wonder that I feel like a sloth today and that it is a more physical reaction than a mental one and that she sees no sign of depression. She is going to call me on Friday to check on me to see how I am doing then.
Because I was so absolutely not hypomanic today, we were able to discuss that subject to some extent and I was able to give her a lot more clues as to what to look for when I am hypomanic, but claim that I am not, and that is not because I am lying, but because at that time I am convinced that I am not hypomanic. So, I have told her some more tell tale signs and I also explained how she can confront me with myself if I am in denial, because I may need some convincing and become upset if she were to make the claim that I was.
She said that the things I told her today were real eye openers and that a lot of things of the past year started to make more sense to her. My behavior over the past year started to make more sense to her, but it is most important if she knows I'm hypomanic when I don't realize that I am and that she can call me on it and that I can accept it. I have to learn to accept that from her. That when she says, "Irene, I think you are hypomanic right now and we need to increase your antipsychotic," that I don't fight that and go along with it and do what is best for me.
So, that was the story of hypomania and the medication for it. I have lots of stories like that. I am damn near an expert on manic depression and on BPD. Ask me anything and I will tell you.
Well, now I'm sitting here getting a little sleepy, so I best go to bed. Common sense tells me to go, eventhough I want to stay up some more.