Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Just one more.


As is usual, I have already had a good sleep on the sofa for a few hours, which were very pleasant and out of which I woke up in a good mood for a change. No grumpiness around anywhere as far as I can see. I took my nighttime medication and am now waiting for that to start working before I go to bed. I hope I make it to bed and that I am not forced to park my body on the sofa again, like I did early this morning, although that was pleasant enough too.

I have read all of your comments on the photographs I posted and appreciate them a lot. I will do that again some day. I will walk around the apartment again and take more pictures of intimate details. No, not of my underwear drawer, although things are fairly neatly arranged in there.

My appointment with my SPN went well. We are not lowering my antipsychotic medication yet, because she thinks I'm just plain worn out from all the intensity I went through after not having used my sleeping pills for such a long time. She said it is no wonder that I feel like a sloth today and that it is a more physical reaction than a mental one and that she sees no sign of depression. She is going to call me on Friday to check on me to see how I am doing then.

Because I was so absolutely not hypomanic today, we were able to discuss that subject to some extent and I was able to give her a lot more clues as to what to look for when I am hypomanic, but claim that I am not, and that is not because I am lying, but because at that time I am convinced that I am not hypomanic. So, I have told her some more tell tale signs and I also explained how she can confront me with myself if I am in denial, because I may need some convincing and become upset if she were to make the claim that I was.

She said that the things I told her today were real eye openers and that a lot of things of the past year started to make more sense to her. My behavior over the past year started to make more sense to her, but it is most important if she knows I'm hypomanic when I don't realize that I am and that she can call me on it and that I can accept it. I have to learn to accept that from her. That when she says, "Irene, I think you are hypomanic right now and we need to increase your antipsychotic," that I don't fight that and go along with it and do what is best for me.

So, that was the story of hypomania and the medication for it. I have lots of stories like that. I am damn near an expert on manic depression and on BPD. Ask me anything and I will tell you.

Well, now I'm sitting here getting a little sleepy, so I best go to bed. Common sense tells me to go, eventhough I want to stay up some more.

Sleep tight.

Ciao...

8 comments:

Stacie said...

I am go glad that you are doing well and I hope you continue to do so. After the birth of my daughter I had a short time on antipsychotic meds and they made me so sleepy! My postpartum depression doc took me off of them because I wasn't functioning at all. Then we tried anticonvulsants and they work GREAT for me. Keeps the ocd and depression at bay almost all of the time. How lucky we are to have access to medicine. I hate to imagine all of those people who suffered without it. Or are still suffering..

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

Boy, you're right, Stacy. I don't know what I would do without my medicines. I'd be in bad shape now.

With anti-convulsants, do you mean anti-epileptic medicine? If so, that is what I take also instead of a mood stabilizer like lithium. The stuff works great and keeps me from getting depressed. I just call them my mood stabilizers. I take Topamax. It's a miracle drug for me.

John said...

that header image is of the belt buckle no...as a guy you just want to have her take off those jeans, doctor...help me...

Maggie May said...

Its brilliant that you can tell the SPN about hypermania when you are completely stable. Now you are opening up, she will be able to help you more.
It is wonderful that we live in an age of good medicine.
When people say, "Let's go back to the good old days," they don't know what they are saying. The outcome for mental problems was very bleak indeed.

Maggie May said...

Meant to say....... what an unusual header! Very nice! And have a good day X

Tessa said...

Wonderful to see that you are becoming more and more accepting and knowledgeable about your illness and, above all, dealing with it with such intellegence. You are a brave and admirable lady, Irene.

CC said...

Lrene, sounds like you are making great progess in accepting youself during the good and the bad. I am happy that you are getting better and always wishing you the best!

Babaloo said...

Irene, sounds like you're making great progress! It's important that you've been able to speak to your SPN about things so clearly.

I hope you'll have a good night!