Sunday, February 15, 2009

Ain't we got fun?

The first thing I did this morning was pick up nearly 200 filter tubes that were scattered on the floor of the living room. Doubtlessly I owed that pleasure to one of the cats, because the box was laying under the computer desk. It's impossible to get nearly 200 filter tubes neatly into the box again, so I tossed them in haphazardly in a pile that's overflowing. It will be fun to use them, because some of them are crushed and may be beyond usefulness.

I grumbled about that a bit, especially when Toby and Nouri came over to 'help' me. They sauntered over and sat right down in the middle of things. The Überhund was merely confused by it all and didn't know what to do. He walked around the living room in frustration. I will teach him to growl at cats and be mean to them when they have done something wrong, though I doubt it will do any good. Cats don't associate well.

There is something clearly wrong with me, as I can't stay away from the computer. I find it difficult to turn it off and when it's on, I find it difficult not to write something. It may be something as simple as me going through withdrawal from my sleeping pills, I don't know, but I am not behaving rationally.

I see myself being fixated, but I can't seem to stop it. It's like I'm on a merry go round that doesn't stop turning.


That's what I wrote this morning and as soon as I read my own words, I turned off the computer. I realized that I was indeed not behaving rationally and that I was the only one who could stop me from doing it. I turned on the television and fell asleep on the sofa. That was good, because I had a short night. Tomorrow I'm going to the pharmacy to pick up my sleeping pills. I don't know why I got it in my head to suddenly quit taking them last week. These things usually do not pan out well for me. I should know better by now. You don't suddenly quit a medication.

I am trying to keep myself calm and relaxed and really pay attention to the amount of stress I feel and how uptight I get about things. I appear calm on the surface, but things are bubbling underneath. I have fixated thoughts and I can't seem to put my focus on other things but this damn computer. I have just taken extra tranquilizers to calm down a bit, but I worry about tomorrow and how well I will do at creative therapy and if I will be able to relax enough. I worry about things I should not worry about and nitpick them to death.

The Überhund has had his double meal and has been walked and now he is laying on his blanket under the coffee table and he is sound asleep and snoring gently. It's so sweet. He is practically comatose. Totally oblivious of everything around him. I would like to take a pillow and curl up beside him, but he would look at me very strangely if I did that. I must not cross the boundaries of his dog world. Besides that, I would be covered in dog hair in no time. It's bad enough as it is.

Toby is siting on the kitchen counter pondering life's bigger questions. Like, why is there never anything good to eat around here and why does that darn dog get all the best stuff? He is sitting there in the hope that some good morsels will come along and that he will get some of them. The kitchen counter is the best place to be. It's also where the dish of milk is. Out of the dog's reach.

It's been 45 minutes since I took the tranquilizers and I feel them working now. What a nice feeling it is. My whole mind is relaxing. So is my body. You can't do this on your own. It's a loosing battle. I can't fight my own mind and what it sets out to do. I see what it does, but I can't shake myself free of it. It's like being overpowered by an entity that is larger than me.

The Überhund is awake again and walking purposefully through the apartment. I think he has an idea in his head, but has not quite fromulated it. I will put the oitments in his eyes now and he will get a treat. That will distract him for a while. Maybe he needs to go out one more time after that big meal. It's cold outside, so I will have to dress up warmly.



Maggie May said...

You sound very cosy and you are making me feel sleepy too!
Goodnight, Irene X

Breakfast in California said...

Oh, the secret ways of cats! They'll do all sorts of things to keep their human occupied, won't they?

Frances said...

keep that watchful eye open. You do well to notice in time.
Sleep well and see you virtually tomorrow.

laurie said...

nothing more soothing than a sweetly snoring old dog.

it's good you noticed you were having a problem, and i completely understand about the desire to stop medications. my mother does it all the time. never has a good result, but she is stubborn, like you.

John said...

my best...

Mean Mom said...

I think that cats have too much energy, at the moment. I know that ours do, anyway, due to the bad weather. They race around and generally annoy each other, much more often than usual, because they can't find any sun to lie in.

I'm glad that the uberhund is enjoying his food and that you have sorted out your medication problem. My mother has found out to her cost, in the past, that she should not suddenly stop taking her tablets, in such a way. No doubt there is a way of doing it, though, if you still feel that's what you want!

Wisewebwoman said...

I hope your obessive thoughts vanished, my dear.
Cats can be an awful nuisance, I share my house with 2 at the moment and they are very unpredictable as to what they can do.
They drive my dog mad.

Maureen said...

Ha! I know what you mean about those cigarette tubes; hubby uses those too and sometimes they spill all over the place. And I can just see the cats wanting to "help" with fun things like that.

Take care.