Thursday, June 07, 2012

Getting down to business...

It's early in the evening and I've just made myself some coffee. I hope that the caffeine will put me in a cheerful mood because I need some cheering up. 

I've come to realize this afternoon that my therapist may not at all be the right person for me and my ego and this realization does require some thought. I always come away from an appointment with her less of a person than I was and with my ego somewhat shattered. Consequently, I have to spend some time building myself back up again and regaining my self confidence. I'm sure this is not the purpose of an appointment with your therapist. 

I just sent her an email saying as much and that we should have a talk about this. Possibly she is just the wrong person for me and our therapeutic relationship is not going to work out. I thought it was because I was doing something wrong at first, but now I know the problem does not lie with me. Her approach is just not right for me. It undermines my self esteem and I have to be very strong not to suffer the consequences of it. I do want my ego to stay intact and for it not to be broken down each time. I do want to keep some amount of belief in myself. 

I must not really let this spoil my mood, but it did give me cause to think a little and feel irritated. I guess that's the main feeling I have because I have time and energy invested in this relationship and I do not like for it not to work out. I will very gladly go to another therapist. That's not a problem..I need someone wiser than me to talk to and help me figure out life. I'm sure there are other people around who can help me do that.  I have not yet built up the kind of loyalty with my therapist that would make it very difficult for me to leave her. 

I will be an optimist and assume the problem will be sorted out one way or the other like these things always do. I must keep seeing the glass half full. I suppose the most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open. Well, I've started that process now.

On another note, today the weather was nice for a change. The temperature was pleasant and it didn't rain. It was almost a miracle. It's supposed to rain like crazy tonight, but that's okay because I will be in bed. 

I hope you're all having a good evening. 



Connie Rose said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Difficulties with therapists can be of the worst sort, because we're forced to have to defend ourselves in a way we shouldn't have to. I've had "bad" therapists, too.

If you're quite sure you're not just using the difficulties to avoid looking at things -- and believe me, I trust that you know yourself well enough to tell whether this is true or not -- then TRUST YOUR INTUITION on this. If it says this situation is wrong for you, then leave and find a new therapist. There's no shame in doing this. I just caution you about spending oodles of time trying to fix this relationship if it isn't meant to be. You're not married to this person. You can leave anytime you want.

Also, do remember that therapists are people, too. They have their own problems, their own issues, they bring their own baggage into the therapeutic relationship. Most of the therapists I've worked with, or otherwise known, have been some of the most fucked up people. We teach what we need to learn in life -- some of these folks are trying to heal themselves by ostensibly trying to heal others. Don't forget that.

Much love.

Rob-bear said...

If you need help, you need the person who can best help you. I have already (more or less) dismissed one of my helpers. He was of some assistance, but didn't quite understand some important things from my perspective. So, as time went on, he came less helpful. I rarely see him any more. I have found better help in someone else.

Glad that the improved weather has arrived. I expect it is making you cheerier. At least marginally.

Blessings and Bear hugs.

Maggie May said...

If you are going to *open up your heart* to some one then you have to have the right rapport. Maybe you should think of some change in this situation or maybe its the fact you are talking about things that trouble you that is temporarily making you feel worse. Hope you manage to sort it out.

Was surprised to see that you were having better weather than us because we are in the middle of gale force storms. All night I was fearful of our roof when the gusts shook the whole house. It is still pretty bad & I must now go check my garden......... from the window. It is much too wet to go out.
Have a lovely day.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Rudee said...

Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person. I wish you the best in this endeavor.