As far as I'm concerned, we all forget about that spiritual weblog that I tried to start up as soon as possible, because it caused me nothing but extreme frustration until the wee hours of the night, while finding out that I am a neo-pagan, and I just wanted it so badly, that I became fixated on it and couldn't leave it alone and wanted it to look the way I wanted it to and make it accept all your comments.
I should have seen the writing on the wall. The minute I start to involve my usual sober minded self with spiritual matters, it's a sign that I'm hypomanic, but I didn't even realize it until late at night when I was frustrating myself to pieces and becoming dysphoric. When it was already late enough, I took my heavy duty sleeping pill and my tranquilizers and went to bed, but this morning I was up bright and chipper when the alarm clock rang and more than ready to start the new day.
I felt I had no other duty but to set you all straight, but I have to figure out how to get back onto belief.net and I'll do that in a while, where I can direct lost and confused people back to this blog, but I hope you all have enough sense to have a look here. That #@%(*&^%(!@blog!!! I wish I had never run across it. Even now it is still tempting me with its spiritual lure and promises of customized headers and imported archives and friends who can leave comments. It's not out of my system yet. It's a fixation and I know them so well.
So this morning I went to creative therapy and walked in and someone said, "Oh, have you done something to your hair?" I said, "No silly, I'm wearing glasses!" Nobody else noticed them. At least, nobody commented on them, except for Lilian who reads this blog and knew I had them and she liked them. The rest looked at me like they always do, with friendly interested faces.
Anyway, I sat down at the workbench and said in a loud voice, "Okay, where are my cookies and my cup of coffee?'" You wouldn't believe it, but in the shortest amount of time I had a cup of coffee and two gingerbread cookies and a shortbread cookie. I guess I can be a very authoritative woman.
I finished that sculpture that is supposed to replace the one that got broken, but I don't have high hopes for it. I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed for it and hope this one doesn't break also. In the meantime, I spoke French with P. who sat across from me and who is fluent and I'm not. Quel dommage! I do manage the odd phrase and sentence and pretend I understand half of what he says.
Anyway, he had been to Lourdes with his mother, even though he is not a believer, though his mother is, but he had a wonderful time and I guess it's something you have to experience, especially the light procession. And all around Lourdes it's hugely commercial with anything pertaining to religion for sale at hefty prices. And everywhere there are the sick and the disabled hoping to be cured and they come every year. It's their annual holiday.
After we had our break, I and some one else were late coming back to the studio and when I opened the door, I said, "Taraaah, here we are! Did you miss us?" And everyone said that they did very much. It's good to be so well liked, although I think they were just trying to humor us.
The weather couldn't make up its mind today. It threatened to rain, but never did and when the sun was out, it was warm, so I didn't know how to dress for my afternoon downtown with Von. In the end I went with the layered look, figuring I could take things off if I needed to.
I was at the café first and they already know I want a cappuccino, so I don't need to tell them that. Our table was vacated shortly after I got there and I quickly laid claim to it before anyone else could get it. I would have chased them off with a very angry look anyway.
When Von got there, she looked like a model, but she never believes me when I say that, so I say it a lot. Maybe it will sink in one day.
I ate three pieces of nougat, so you can see that so far today I've eaten very healthy food. I must drink a large glass of multi vitamin juice soon.
Von doesn't read my blog because she says it would make her feel like a voyeur and she wants to hear all the stories from me, so I was able to entertain her with some. We also checked out men, but surprisingly few came up to our standards. It's a very sad thing. Maybe we are in the wrong part of the country or something. We do have high standards, it's true. Men my age are very used up looking. They all have beer bellies. Burgundian stomachs. The good life reigns and takes its toll.
I am going to try and behave like a normal person tonight, but I have ants in my pants and feel like undertaking something. That doesn't sound like I'm up to much good, does it? I must find a way to get rid of the extra energy in a productive way. Not come up with some half baked scheme that involves new weblogs and spirituality.
Wish me luck in making wise choices. God forbid I'm going to do something silly again.
Oh yes, this morning I weighed 93.8 kilos. I've lost 6 kilos now.