Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Bouncy Castle.
I've bounced back really well after a telephone conversation this afternoon with my daughter and my subsequent session with my SPN, who got my thinking about the problem straightened out. We eliminated some of the darkness in my mind and alleviated some of the pain in my heart, so now I can function again like a normal human being.
I would like to step right back into my hypomanic phase, but I don't think that I'll be so lucky, although I do feel a huge lightening of the load. I wasn't quite done with my hypomanic experiment and wanted many more weeks of trying to keep the reigns in my hands while being so absolutely convinced of my righteousness and superiority. Now I will slowly let that feeling creep back into my being, where I want it to belong and take over the darker clouds that linger in the recesses of my mind. I'm not an undeserving woman, after all. I am convinced of that.
It's strange how your days go. Today I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and I barely paid attention to what was happening around me. I didn't really care that much and thought everybody had to figure it out on their own today, without my two cents worth. I'm usually pretty alert to what goes on around me, but today I didn't give a hoot. I felt insulated by bubble wrap.
The bubble wrap has mostly come off now except for a piece here and there, clinging stubbornly as it will (static electricity), and I'm not so insulated anymore. I felt the sun on my face when I rode my bike to my appointment, pedaling like a mad woman at times and not getting ahead. That bike!
This morning at creative therapy I started to color my doodles with colored ink. I don't know if this is a good idea, but once I started, there was no way back. I just started on my third one and when they are done, I will take pictures of them and post them. It seemed like a good idea, but I am full of doubt.
Hypomanic people are not full of doubt. They are sure about anything they undertake and undertake whatever comes up into their heads, within a certain amount of reason. I mean, they don't go streaking naked down the street. There would be no reason for it, unless they could win a bet or somebody dared them to.
I've just made myself a nice mug of coffee. I am feeling sleepy ahead of time and I can't have that. It's probably the emotions from the past twenty four hours. An over dose of emotions can make you physically tired.
I think that today I'll pretend to be the queen who has been struck by an arrow in her bosom fired by her most ungrateful of subjects, a drunken man who has plotted and schemed for a long time to hurt her most royal majesty where it hurts most. Luckily, it wasn't a poisoned arrow and my head physician was able to remove it without much blood loss and it didn't hit my heart, though it missed it by millimeters. Luckily, I am also ample bosomed and that cushioned the impact.
Well, those are all the fun things I had to tell you today. A sort of rambling post that didn't reveal much of importance, except that I'm still here and as crazy as ever.
I hope you all had a lovely day.