Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Bouncy Castle.

I've bounced back really well after a telephone conversation this afternoon with my daughter and my subsequent session with my SPN, who got my thinking about the problem straightened out. We eliminated some of the darkness in my mind and alleviated some of the pain in my heart, so now I can function again like a normal human being.

I would like to step right back into my hypomanic phase, but I don't think that I'll be so lucky, although I do feel a huge lightening of the load. I wasn't quite done with my hypomanic experiment and wanted many more weeks of trying to keep the reigns in my hands while being so absolutely convinced of my righteousness and superiority. Now I will slowly let that feeling creep back into my being, where I want it to belong and take over the darker clouds that linger in the recesses of my mind. I'm not an undeserving woman, after all. I am convinced of that.

It's strange how your days go. Today I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and I barely paid attention to what was happening around me. I didn't really care that much and thought everybody had to figure it out on their own today, without my two cents worth. I'm usually pretty alert to what goes on around me, but today I didn't give a hoot. I felt insulated by bubble wrap.

The bubble wrap has mostly come off now except for a piece here and there, clinging stubbornly as it will (static electricity), and I'm not so insulated anymore. I felt the sun on my face when I rode my bike to my appointment, pedaling like a mad woman at times and not getting ahead. That bike!

This morning at creative therapy I started to color my doodles with colored ink. I don't know if this is a good idea, but once I started, there was no way back. I just started on my third one and when they are done, I will take pictures of them and post them. It seemed like a good idea, but I am full of doubt.

Hypomanic people are not full of doubt. They are sure about anything they undertake and undertake whatever comes up into their heads, within a certain amount of reason. I mean, they don't go streaking naked down the street. There would be no reason for it, unless they could win a bet or somebody dared them to.

I've just made myself a nice mug of coffee. I am feeling sleepy ahead of time and I can't have that. It's probably the emotions from the past twenty four hours. An over dose of emotions can make you physically tired.

I think that today I'll pretend to be the queen who has been struck by an arrow in her bosom fired by her most ungrateful of subjects, a drunken man who has plotted and schemed for a long time to hurt her most royal majesty where it hurts most. Luckily, it wasn't a poisoned arrow and my head physician was able to remove it without much blood loss and it didn't hit my heart, though it missed it by millimeters. Luckily, I am also ample bosomed and that cushioned the impact.

Well, those are all the fun things I had to tell you today. A sort of rambling post that didn't reveal much of importance, except that I'm still here and as crazy as ever.

I hope you all had a lovely day.



Elesje said...

Ik ben blij dat je je alweer en stuk beter voelt na het gesprek met je dochter en behandelaar.
Goed van jou om bij jezelf te blijven en je niet te laten beïnvloeden door je omgeving.

Je doodles zagen er mooi uit en geniet van iedere dag dat je je goed voelt, een goed gevoel forceren lukt toch niet, denk eerder dat dát averrechts werkt.

VioletSky said...

That's okay to ramble... just so long as you are still here!

And feeling less dark and pained.

Babaloo said...

Good to hear you're doing OK. Looking forward to the doodles!

Maggie May said...

So pleased that things are working out and that your mood has lifted. I am sure it was just reactionary.
Sleep well at the appointed time & place. X

Anonymous said...

You sound really positive today, Irene. Your posts are always interesting and will always generate friendship.

Take care and best wishes,
CJ xx

aims said...

Of course I'm anxious to know what happened and with your bits and pieces that you say I've got my own story. Of course it's none of my business but somehow I'm very protective of you and your emotions.

Things are better then? Or put in their place where they will remain behind that special door?


Ample bosoms can be great sometimes can't they? Otherwise they're nothing but a damn nuisance. Clothes have to fit around them and they have a tendency to lead us around.

Frances said...

Glad to hear you managed to offload and that you spoke to your daughter today.
Lucky really that it hsppened when you were on a high. I think it would have been too much a fortnight ago.
Anyway, up again. Next stop seeing your coloured doodles.
I do like your new glasses much more than the others and I can see the weight loss in your photo - or is it cleverly posed? LOL

Maureen said...

You are so in tune with your moods and feelings. I notice I have definite up and down days; times when I am not creative and lazy; others with a need to clean everything. I often wish I would diarize those days and see if there is a pattern...