Monday, June 15, 2009

Almost dinner time.

If I do all the things behind the computer that I want to do, and I don't mean just farting around, I can easily spend a whole afternoon and still not be done. Not because I'm slow, but because there's so much to do and it all takes time, which I don't mind, but it's time taken away from doing other necessary things.

I tell you, though, there's nothing better than coming home from therapy and walking the dog and turning on the computer for a nice long session. Today I allowed myself that time. I made an executive decision. Especially when I checked the shelves and the refrigerator and saw that I do not have to go to the store for at least another two days.

I very moodily got out of bed this morning when the alarm clock went off, because I thought it was way too early, but then I saw that cute face of Jesker who wanted to be petted and I had my coffee and cigarette and I felt a lot better. So, I took my time to become a fully functioning human being again and then got up to properly start the day. Once I get going, I'm okay. I move like a train, albeit an early locomotive, not a high speed one.

Today I had creative therapy, but I got there early enough to hang out in the stinking smoker's room with a very depressed woman who wished she was home in bed and looked it too. I wanted to cheer her up, but didn't know the words, not being depressed myself anymore to that point and only having vague memories of what that was like. It's like childbirth, you forget how awful it was.

Soon enough it was time to go down to the studio and go to work on my attempt at a sculpture. I'm calling it an attempt, because as I worked on it, it became clear to me that the design didn't lend itself well to the clay and that the whole thing was likely to collapse upon itself, and sure enough, pretty soon I reached that point. Do not despair. I folded the whole thing over and took the rest of the clay and pounded it all back into a solid block and started over again to redo the sculpture that came out of the oven in fifteen pieces. I do want that one and I want to give it one more try.

As I'm building it up, I'm trying not to make any mistakes in it and avoid getting any air trapped in it, because I think that's what happened before. I'm paying close attention to what the therapist tells me and follow the instructions.

I'm always covered in white clay dust by the time I'm ready to go home and try to get most of it off me and the rest gets blown off as I ride my bicycle home. Sometimes I still have some on my boots when I get home and I forget about it and walk around with it all day long. That shows you how much attention I don't pay to my appearance sometimes. I can be vain at the start of the day and then forget about it for the rest of the day.

In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how deaf Jesker is. I try to get his attention when he is not looking at me and I just start talking to him. So far he doesn't seem to hear me much, or he is ignoring me, but then that would be something new. He's always been very alert and now he seems to use his sight more. He has also been sleeping behind the front door when I am gone, so he knows immediately when I am home.


I had to interrupt myself, because I had to take Jesker to the vet for new ointments. The vet looked at his eyes and we are only preventing them from getting worse at this point. I also mentioned the fact that Jesker seemed to be getting deaf and he looked at his ears, but saw no ear infections or anything, so he is just getting deaf, which the vet said is a fact of life at his age. I now have to keep this in mind when I talk to him and when I am out walking with him. I am not going to let him off the leash again.

Anyway, I noticed that he watches me more closely now to see what I am going to do and when I go to bed at night, while he's asleep on his blanket, he searches the whole apartment for me when he wakes up, while I call his name from the bedroom.

Tomorrow I have creative therapy again, this time in the different room with the different therapist. I'll finish my third and last doodle and I'll try to remember to take pictures. Then I am going to be doing some painting. There is a whole collection of art postcards to choose from in all diferent styles to copy and I think I'll have a go at that. Unless I change my mind between now and tomorrow when the moment is there,

Alors, it's time to put my pajamas on and get comfortable. I'm starting to yawn, but it's to early for that. This old body wants to just sleep more and more. I wish I had a soft ice cream. That would taste so good right now, But alas.

I hope you all had a good day and that you will have a splendid night. We are supposed to have rain. It's cozy when it rains and you're laying in bed.



aims said...

Jesker and the cats are lucky to have you in their life. You pay so much attention to them and treat them with respect and care.

Took me forever to get in here and read and comment Irene. IE kept shutting you down every time I opened your blog. Grrrrrrrr!

Maggie May said...

I can see that Jesker has sore eyes.
What a pity that he is going deaf. Old age is not so good sometimes.

I think you are right when you said that you forget pain (mental or physical). I forgot just how bad back pain is until I got another bout recently. Same with depression. And you can go through something & yet not be able to help another person. That is how it is.

Have a great night's sleep Irene X

SugarCain said...

Irene, We're having a thunderstorm right now. I too love to listen to a storm; it's comforting and it always seems to relieve my tension.

I am amazed how you can put your finger on something I've noticed but not really noted: how when you aren't depressed you can reach out to someone, but you don't know exactly what to say to help them. Now that I think of it, no one has really said anything to me that helps when I'm depressed. Seems that I have to pull myself out of the dark hole all on my own.

Peace to you tonight.

Frances said...

sad to hear about his decline. How old is Jesker now? All you can do is keep looking after him so much. He is lucky to have such a kind mistress.

Tessa said...

Finally! I have at last managed to find time to sit down and catch up on all the posts I missed while away in Turkey.

All in all, you sound happy and fulfilled, Irene, which is splendidly wonderful! I've enjoyed reading about your days...sculpting and ergo therapy, your new and very nice sounding physciatrist, watching greedy people eat with Von (that really made me laugh!), dear old Jesker, the sandwich-eating ExFactor and your energetic Dutch Housewife cleaning. I love the way you express everything with such down-to-earth matter of factness (is there such a word?) and always with a ripple of humour. You do write awfully well, y'know..

Stinking Billy said...

Irene, you don't say what your sculpture will represent when it's finished. It won't be a phallic symbol, by any chance? ;-) xx

Maureen said...

Aw poor Jesker, but yes, it is a fact of life that sight and hearing do tend to go as we all age. How lucky he is to have you taking such good care of him. He is a sweetie.