Thursday, June 25, 2009

Just like that...

Since today was Thursday, I didn't have any therapy at all, so I could sleep a little bit later. The alarm clock still went off at 7 am, but I shut it off and went back to sleep until 8:30 am. I was expecting the "cleaning person" at 11 am and wanted to get some things done before he got here.

I had washed Jesker's blanket and wanted to vacuum the area rug under the coffee table really well so as to prevent any flea population from developing. I think we are free of fleas so far, but you never know. I also wanted to vacuum the furniture because the sides of everything was covered in dog hair.

But first I wanted to very leisurely wake up and then clean up the kitchen, so I had some cups of coffee while I made cigarettes and watched the world outside go by through the not so clean windows.

After I did all my morning rituals, walk Jesker, take my medication and all those other things, I got to work and just as I was finished, the "cleaning person" showed up and surprised me by suggesting that we wash the living room windows together. That was an offer I was not going to refuse and we went to work while Jesker barked at us, because he thought we were doing strange things.

The result was very clean windows that you can look through without seeing a speck of dirt, so I was mighty pleased and we are going to do the bedroom windows next week. Jesker will think that is even stranger.

I vacuumed the bedroom after the "cleaning person" was gone and made sure the bathroom was cleaned up and I thought that was enough of that. There's only so much cleaning I'm willing to do in one day, so I turned on the computer and had me some quality time there.

My mood has settled on the minus side of the middle, which is not bad and something I can live with and I don't find it difficult at all, but what I didn't realize until tonight is that I am still ultra rapid cycling and that in the afternoon my mood takes a turn for the worse and I really need to go to sleep then to reset the whole mechanism.

The change in mood sneaks up on me and I'm in the middle of it before I realize it and think I've felt that way all day long. I get very downhearted and somber minded and think and do things that I come to regret later after I've slept for a few hours. It's a big black pothole that I've walked in and I don't realize it until afterwards. So I have to keep an eye on that.

I'm a vulnerable person and I guess I always will be and my moods will never be stable for long periods of time. I get upset easily and must always guard over my emotional health. The hard part is, that every time there is a change, I have to remember how to deal with it and pull all the tricks out of my sleeve.

Well, I relearned something today, a little bit the hard way, but I'm on to it now.

Have a good night and a good morning everyone.



Frances said...

glad to hear your 'cleaning person' actually cleaned something today. Wowie... next we will have chefs who cook and waiters who wait. LOL
sleep well dear one

Maybe this is your Thursday therapy?

Anonymous said...

Yay for clean windows! I haven't done mine for about two years (blush)!

While reading your post, I started wondering how this rapid mood cycling stuff began for you. I haven't been following your blog forever, but I didn't think that your moods changed this quickly as a rule, that it happened more slowly. Was there a particular trigger this time? Is it something to do with a medication you're taking? I don't mean to be intrusive and I'm sorry if I'm coming across that way, but I guess I'm just curious as to whether this is one of those maddening things that doctors tell us "You just have to learn to live with it" or whether there actually is some way to alleviate the speed of the highs and lows.

If nothing else, Irene, you always give me much food for thought (and more questions sometimes, too!)

Babaloo said...

Oh, I could do with someone helping me clean our windows! Although, I have to admit, that's usually Felix. I positively hate cleaning windows. Don't really mind the rest but windows are just a pain. Lovely when they're finally clean, though. :-)

Enjoy them and behave yourself while I'm away! ;-)

Maggie May said...

Glad to hear that you are on top of everything and can recognize the patterns in your life that recur.
Hope you had a good night's sleep and that you will have a very pleasant day today.
Its still a bit thundery here and last night's storm didn't materialize at all. X

Stinking Billy said...

But, Irene, the changes in your mood are simply trying (unsuccessfully) to keep up with the changes to your pseudonyms? ;-) P.s., Before you ask, sweetheart, I am just 'resting'.

Maureen said...

Yay for clean windows! (Not that I would know.... ahem...)

I have to get around to mine one of these days ;)