Sunday, June 21, 2009
In my pajamas.
It was already past 1 pm and I was sitting here in my pajamas reading blogs and drinking glasses of multi vitamin juice, being a woman of leisure with nothing better to do but smoke numerous cigarettes and leave astute comments behind, when finally Jesker decided that he had digested his food well enough and that it was time to go out and do his business and leave his mark on the various bushes and lamp posts in the neighborhood.
This meant I had to get dressed and get my unruly, 'sticking up all over the place hair' in order. I did this by rubbing a damp washcloth over it and that worked just fine and I ended up with exactly the right hairdo so, as they say, you learn something new every day. Now I have washcloth hair that you apply hairspray to and that is extremely fashionable and wouldn't look out of place on the catwalk. I just need the body to go with it, but in my upbeat mind, I already have it and can't be persuaded to think anything else, so I act like I do.
Honestly, I have such a high opinion of myself, that I regularly need to be scraped off the ceiling and when I go outside, I should be weighed down by a ball and chain or I would escape gravity. Just now Jesker served that purpose. At the moment, I don't have a humble bone in my body and they are all light as air.
It can't be the weather that is making me feel this way, because we started the day off with showers, some of them pretty hefty. Jesker didn't even want to go out back in them and did a piddle on a weed that was growing in a crack by the wall of the apartment just outside the door. He has no sense of decorum whatsoever. Maybe it will kill the weed and I won't have to pull it out, but it's a pretty tall one and well established.
That goes to show you how much I let nature take its course out back. All growing things go their own way. I have some very pretty flowering weeds in the flowerbeds that I refuse to pull out. The flowers are dainty and pink and it looks like someone planted them there. Nothing can kill them, because Jesker piddles on them too. Besides, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth. We walk in nature to see these things grow in their natural habitat.
I'm wearing a sun dress with a short cardigan over it and leggings and my boots that I like the best. The shrinkage of my stomach encourages me to try on some different clothes and to walk prouder. I imagine everyone can see that there are 6 kilos missing, but that may be my own assumption.
I assume a lot nowadays. Like knowing what's best for the world and how to solve all of its problems. I'd have firing squads for all corrupt government officials all over the world. Especially those leading African countries and I would put women in charge there and imprison any man who would try to rise to the political top. God, I would be a despot.
I suppose I feel like a despot right now in the sense that I think I'm always right and that I can't give a wrong answer to a problem. A sort of omnipotence has entered my being. I feel like a small god, small being very relative, of course. Small in the sense of the universe, but not in the sense of the human scale. Maybe I have 'world leader madness' and you are supposed to have this when you have high political ambitions. Maybe Obama has it and maybe even the Pope.
But look at me, I'm not even a big fish in a little pond, although secretly I think differently and I think I am God's gift to the world. A well hidden treasure like the Grail and some day my true purpose will be revealed. All mad people must have a special destiny, don't you think? They are the oracles for their generation. Maybe they are the prophets. I better start to speak very sagely now and in parables.
I have to keep my wits about me in this hypomanic mood and not get derailed. I am going to try and be a good observer of myself and see how I handle various situations and various people. Contrary to what I thought in the past, that a hypomanic mood had to be suppressed as quickly as possible, I'm allowing myself to have this one and to learn from it what I can.
My experiences and interpretations will be different than when I am in another mood and I want to take advantage of that and integrate these lessons into my thoughts about myself and the world around me. I don't want to waste the opportunity to see things from a different angle and from a way more secure and upbeat point of view. I am not going to suppress it with medication.
Saturday's mail is laying unopened on the dining table. It was late yesterday when I got it out of my mailbox and I excused myself from opening it. Today my excuse is that it is Sunday and that I don't do any work on the day of rest, as nobody else is doing any either. There is an official looking envelop from the Tax Office and I hardly dare open it. I don't know what sort of news it will bring me as it's coming quite unexpected.
I know curiosity will get the better of me and that I will open it later today and deal with whatever is inside. I just hope they don't want money, because I don't have any to go around. I am already thinking about not spending the money on the grasses for the pots and the frames for the collages.
I am such a penny pincher, I sit on my money and make every dime last. It's a sport to only spend a certain amount of money on groceries and tobacco each week and I'm doing great. Last year I was in constant danger of breaking the bank, but I have a completely different attitude now. I guard my money like a mother lioness guards her cubs. Even now when I'm hypomanic. Wild horses can't drag me to the stores to spend money on clothes and other items that I don't need. Besides, I'm shrinking into some clothes again.
My glasses? Well, I needed them. I look good and can see well and I wear them from the moment I get up until I go to sleep at night.
I bought a 2 kilo bag of cat food for 2 Euros and the cats like it better than the more expensive Gourmet and Felix cat food. They eat it and ignore what's in the other dish. Well, they are welcome to. As long as they eat with a good appetite and don't sit there and mope in front of their dishes I am happy. That's what they were doing, moping, like, "Do we have to eat this awfully expensive food?"
I also bought some different dried dog food for Jesker, because he also eats that, but just like his other dried food, it's only partially successful. He eats it with reluctance. Halfheartedly to tie him over until he gets his real food. He looks at me as if to say, "Woman, what have you wrought now?" You see how I have many telepathic dialogs with the animals. Well, it's silent from their side, I actually talk out loud to them.
Alright then, not because I'm running out of things to say, but because it's a long enough post, I will end it here. It's a true pleasure to sit here and just ramble on to my heart's contend. I could do this all afternoon and start a novelette.
I hope you're all having a good Sunday and something better than the gray rainy one we're having here, although personally it doesn't bother me, there's something cozy about it.