Thursday, January 16, 2014

The times they are changing...

I am not hypomanic anymore but instead have sunk down into a bit of a morose mood. At least I understand the system now and know what this is all about. I won't be so foolish as to make changes in the doses of my medicines, because I know that this mood too shall pass. All I have to do is accept the mood I am in and not fight it and before you know it, I will feel chipper again. I have no doubt about it.
 
To get me halfway there, I am having a tall ice cold drink, which will at least make me feel mellow, although that is really not the problem, because I don't feel any stress. I do want to feel a bit happier and I hope to achieve it this way. If I in any way can affect my mood, I will do so, be it by hook or crook. That sounds just a bit illegal, but it is not prohibited here to drink alcohol at my age and I haven't been asked for my ID in a very long time.
 
I can tell I am down because very few things excite me, actually none at all. Not even the two very good books that the Exfactor brought me from the library this morning and that I asked him especially for. One of them is another book by Kay Redfield Jamison and is called "Exuberance, the passion for life," and since I feel that so often, I thought it might be the right sort of book for me to read.
 
I hope I rediscover the passion for life while I read it and that I will soon have butterflies in my stomach again. I like being hypomanic so much better than this dull state of mind. I find it has nothing positive, except that it is more serene, but that is the only one of its benefits. It is like slowly being roasted over an almost dead fire and just as exciting. I would rather quickly drown in the Niagara Falls. Or have the bungee cord break while I am jumping.
 
Well, I think that is morose enough and now I need to eat some food. It is not smart to drink on an empty stomach, so I have to eat a sandwich or two. I wish I had a jar of chocolate paste, but I already ate the one I had in two sittings and yes, it tasted very good, almost as good as eating a box of bonbons.

4 comments:

Connie Rose said...

That's why they call it bipolarity -- you have ups and downs, ongoingly. As far as I see it, the medications you take work to keep your lows higher and your highs lower, so you're more in the middle more of the time. But you're still going to have mood swings. If there's anything I can say in the way of advice or guidance, it would be to not become attached to either state, up or down. Just let it be with it is. Because surely it'll change in a day or two. Much love.

Connie Rose said...

...just let it be WHAT it is...

Maggie May said...

Even in good times this weather makes you feel down. Hoping the mood levels off into normality again.
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Rob-bear said...

OH, not so very morose at all. Very down to earth, actually. Some days are good, some, not so good. The trick (I think) is to survive. You seem to be doing quite well at that.

Blessings and Bear hugs!