After one heck of a session with my psychiatrist, I feel like I have no words left in me, but I know that is not true. When I just walked out of his office, I felt drained, but at the same time very satisfied. I got to say so many things that I have always wanted to say, but instead of my head and my heart being lighter, they almost immediately filled up with the rest of the things I need to talk about, but I will get the chance to do that on Monday, when I have a new appointment.
I do feel that I have accomplished a lot in one session and that I made huge progress, but I do have a good psychiatrist and that helps a lot too. Timing is everything in life and it is fate that he should be in my life right now when I am so ready to move on to bigger and better things. I know that he will help me get there.
My psychiatrist wanted to make sure that I was not hypomanic because he suspected that maybe I was. He had not seen me, but had read my emails and knew about my intentions concerning my medications and thought I was making a huge decision very quickly. He had to spend some time with me and observe my behavior. At the end of the session, we decided together to leave the doses of medication as they are for now and to see in a week or so if we are going to reduce them some more. It all depends on how the psychotherapy goes and on how stable I stay.
Much to my relief, I feel fine now and I don't really feel that my mood is one extreme or another. I am not experiencing a lot of sadness or extra joy. I am glad when I get to experience all sorts of shades of gray in life. I really don't mind wrapping myself in them and adding a touch of another color for brightness. That is how I dress in real life too.